I am beyond proud that he is the greatest friend I ever knew. I never thought that I had met a friend who would not judge me for being vulnerable. He is the kind of friend that everyone wishes to have. On a separate note, I wrote an essay that I dedicate to him because he means so much to me, and I also wrote the same title wherein it implies how much I appreciate him as a friend:
Too many people to choose. Too difficult to know who to hold on to. I am too stuck of this belief for the longest time, "I am not afraid of being alone. I am afraid that I am in a room full of people I cannot trust."�I am a type of person who does not give away trust too easily when they make me feel insignificant. You heard it right. I am too reluctant to trust too much and then in the end, all what I get is frustration and disappointment. Never-ending resentment. Never-ending of being disheartened all the time. When will I have someone who truly accepts me just the way I am? When will I feel the appreciation?
When I was starting my new journey before (just so you know, it was my High School journey), I had no one to approach to any of the people I know. Although they assure that they are "open ears"�anytime, I don't feel that because it might just end up as empty words, wherein they may not mean that at all. As a result of choosing to keep it all to myself, it was quite nerve-racking. Out of nowhere, I decided to message one of my peers. You better believe that I sent him a long message expressing my rants about those experiences I had encountered and hoping that I might find a healthy support system in my academic life. I gave a try to express my vulnerability because I had a sense of hope that maybe this time will be better compared to the other people I believed that they will give me open arms. A few minutes later, he replied, "Hello! That's okay. It's understandable that you are still adjusting to the system that you are in since this university is a new environment. But I am sure that when time goes by, you will slowly get used to it. Just don't give up. What you are feeling is valid. Also, don't hesitate to message me from now on. I am open ears. You can do this, blockmate." From that day on, my perspective slowly changed. I become used to messaging him about almost everything aside from my problems (we still do this when our schedules are free). Of all my former peers that I know, he is one of a kind. He is a kind of person who never judges me. He often do the listening before he gives an advice. Every time I pour out my frustrations and resentments, he usually listens. He lets me speak my mind. He even told me to take my time as these conversations are in a deep perspective. He really do amaze me. He means a lot to me and no words can describe how much he keeps me sane and calm. He also makes me laugh to erase my stress away and I love the way he gave me the safe space I deserve. The "open ears"�that I have been looking for was just there in a classroom - my blockmate, my friend that I didn't expect.
Every time I recount how we knew each other back then, I never thought that I met someone who understands my scars and battles. All along, I had kept too much feelings at the expense of my well-being. I can't believe that I was able to take the risk of opening my heart once again. With his safe aura, I can say that it was therapeutic. To my friend who is sincere, you mean so much to me. I love the way you appreciate my various sides of me, especially my vulnerability. Thank you for teaching me to be open again, even if it's uncertain. Thank you for being part of my waves of life.