Creators note You know that kid that's always sitting alone? The one that kids pick on? the one that has that strange aurora that makes you want to get away from them? I was always that kid. the one that eats alone and has no friends. I moved a lot with my dad so at the beginning of the school year no one would know me and I would make some friends...But then they would all just...Stop. Stop being nice, stop going near me. Maybe you know what that's like. Maybe you don't. This story is for anyone who is going through a hard time. You're not alone. And I'm rooting for you. I hear the words come out of their mouth and see their lips moving.But mostly...I feel their words. as soon as they speak a wave of despair washes over me. I get mad when I start to cry. I tell myself: "You should be used to this by now. This shouldn't affect you. You shouldn't care!" but I do. I really do. I used to think that if I changed myself, People would like me more. At first, I was the quirky kid who got in trouble a lot. Then I was the quiet timid kid. I was even a popular kid once. But no matter who I was or tried to be, Things would always end up the same. And that hurt. I was disgusted by myself. And soon, I started telling myself what everyone else would tell me. "You're too fat. You're too quiet. you're too loud. Your skirt is too short. You're not nice enough...Ext." There were so many things that were wrong with me that I didn't know what else to do but set them free. so I would open my skin and I would force them out. The ugly and dark things I wanted so badly to be gone from inside of me. I ripped myself apart trying to shake every last drop out of my body. By bleeding or by sleeping or eating or burning the thick layer of awfulness off my skin. But none of these things would ever help. Because The dark, Ugly, Awful things would still be there. I hated myself for not being able to get rid of any of it. I hated myself for a lot of things. I began to stop caring. No more school. No more friends. No more being quiet and scared and timid. I hated feeling so pathetic. So I did whatever I wanted to prove to myself I wasn't. But it just got worse and worse and worse until there was nothing left but screaming, and hurting and dark dark dark. There was no moon at night. Or stars. Or sun, in fact. It was always night. That darkness I tried so desperately to get rid of...Consumed me. And Then I myself was nothing but screaming, and hurting and awfulness and ugly and dark dark dark. That's what brings me back to the start. This story is about a character that has gone through everything and came out alive to show you that it's possible. Your happiness is possible. CHAPTER ONE I lay in the uncomfortable bed waiting. Waiting for something to happen. I try not to move sense whenever I do, the bed creaks and groans. My body is scrunched up as much as possible as if I'm trying to get so small that I turn into nothing. I can hear my breath. A cautious and deep kind of breath. I have a desperate need to escape. This house. This town. My skin. I wish I could rip myself apart and crawl out of this shell. This shell that holds me here. This shell that causes me so much pain. My eyes shoot open and I feel the deep desire in my core that urges me to crawl out of bed. I move silently to the bathroom. I look through the cabinet for a razor blade. I can't find one. Shit. I slump down on the floor and pull my knees up and hug myself. I guess they found out and moved it. They don't talk to me. Not this family. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't say anything if they found out. Why adopt a kid if you're not even gonna care for them? Why adopt a kid if you're just gonna yell and hurt them. I never understood these families . Especially the ones who already have kids. I decide to go back to bed. I open the door and immediately notice him. Hes standing in the hallway. I look down at the floor and walk quickly to my room. I look up at him and his eyes are fixated on my thighs. I guess my shorts need to be thrown away...I lock myself in the room before he can do anything. That night I fell asleep in the closet. When I wake up I decide to stay in my room and try to find motivation to draw. Instead I make a map of the house. Then a map of the town. (The best I can do at least.) Then I get an idea. I can run away. I know how, and it would be easy. I don't think this family would call the police. I know how they feel about their image. They would just say they sent me back because I was violent or something, and by the time the orphanage finds out, I will be long gone! It's perfect. I decide to make several maps and three different ways to escape. The only thing is when. I need money...And a backpack with necessities. I Spend around three hours in this room thinking about how to escape this hell. I hide the papers in my drawing book, and decide to come out of the room. I don't want them to get to....Suspicious. I don't think worry would be the right word. I walk into the kitchen where Ms.Thomas and her two sons, Micheal and Alex, are sitting eating the pancakes. I decide i'll eat toast. She clearly didn't make enough for me, as usual, so I stuff the pieces of bread In the toaster and sit down. "How did you sleep?" Micheal asks. I shrug. They don't say much else. There's no school since it's summer, so I sit in that room to read, draw and sleep. Tom and Micheal go do activities with friends. I stay away from them. Who knows if they turn out to be anything like their father. I spend the day outside reading. The Thomas's have a nice house and backyard. So I try to stay outside as much as possible instead of being cooped up in the house. When I get back in my room, I pack a bag with only the things I need with a plan to leave that night. Chapter one end.