It was the only time that Alex felt calm, when she was in the middle of nowhere, so high into the clouds that the roaring wind silences the raging fury contained in her head. This place is her sanctuary. With the lake below and the people walking around it, so small that they seem insignificant in that moment. Life felt like it was running away from her with no end in sight and Alex just could not stand being out of control. All she wanted was a forever, a time to be happy and content, but everything was gone and she needed to let go.
Just as she starts to feel the calm wash over her, Alex's phone rings shrilly in her pocket. She curses, signal is sporadic up here, so she's annoyed someone has managed to get through. Fishing the cursed item from her coat pocket she checks the caller ID and swears again.
'Hello mother, how can I help you now?' she spits venomously down the line.
'Where the hell are you, Alex? You cannot just storm out of this house and expect me to pick up the pieces!' comes the tirade from her mother, Vivienne, so loud that Alex actually moves the phone from the side of her head to allow her to get the shouting out of her system first.
'Sorry mum, you know I can't handle much in the way of screaming matches at the moment' Alex sighs down the phone, immediately defeated, all the fight draining from her and knowing that this will not be well received by the woman on the phone. As expected, her mother starts on the usual rant of how much of a disappointment Alex is and how she doesn't deserve to have a roof over her head. This goes on for a few moments before Alex simply disconnects the call and turns her phone off with a grimace, how she wished her mother would vanish and leave her alone.
All of a sudden, the crisp autumn afternoon turns icy cold. As though someone has ripped a blanket off the giant rock bed that Alex is currently perched on. She shivers and turns, feeling eyes on her, only to be greeted by a dark, creeping fog heading towards her. There is a large, vaguely human shaped entity inside that causes Alex to shudder with her whole body. Whatever is in inside that is not something she wants to meet, however as all her exits are blocked by unending mist, it seems as though she has no choice but to meet whatever this creature is head on. Soon, she is enveloped by the mist and the world goes a murky grey.
'Hello?' her voice echoes around her as though she were in a concert hall and not the rolling hills of Wales. Nobody, or nothing, responds to her immediately, though a low hissing sound fills the air rattling Alex straight to her core. She has heard this sound before, but she can't seem to remember where, her brain feels foggy at the thought.
'Hello child' comes the rumbling voice in the mist. An oddly familiar voice causing Alex to freeze to the spot like a rabbit in headlights.
'Do not be afraid girl, you know who I am' the voice tells her, suddenly smooth as silk and sliding over her like a warm caress.
Instantly and excruciatingly, Alex remembers, the memories hit her like a train, this being has visited her before, many times, and this entity knows her and the darkness within her entirely.
'What is this? Why are you here?' she asks the vast nothingness around her, the air feeling warmer but still as murky as soup.
'You called me child, your sadness and anger echoed into my realm and I am here to help. What is it that you require me for?' the voice says smoothly sliding over Alex with an ease that makes her shudder.
'I don't want anything from you' Alex says uneasily, she knows what this is. Her mind is abruptly taken back to another time of her life, the last time she wanted to disappear. When a friend had hurt her so badly, ripped her very soul in two, she wanted to stop existing. Wanted the friend to pay for harming her, and in her childish head she wished for her friend to disappear. The entity had come, wiped away her tears and fury, promising to help her. The next day, the friend and her family were gone, nobody but Alex remembered them, and they just did not exist.
Over the years the entity came whenever she called it, and people vanished from existence all around her. From friends to ex-partners and even one or two police officers who caught her speeding. For a while Alex abused this power, made whomever she wanted out of her life go completely. Anyone who wronged her or threatened her was gone in a wish. She does not know why this entity helps her, she doesn't even know their name, but without fail, in her times of despair, the creature comes. However, last time she wished for someone to vanish, her nephew, he was only 7 but had broken her laptop and she had felt the familiar sting of fury at him. This thought scared her, she knew the being would come as it had so often now, but when the creature came, she asked it to take her memories of it and begged it not to return. They had obliged and for years it had not come when called, though she hadn't realised she was calling of course.
'I have been listening to you child, in all my centuries not one conduit has requested their own memories removed, so I humoured you. But now, I am starved, and I will not tolerate your insolence any longer. Tell me what it is you require and be done with it.' the voice shakes with tempered anger, the murky figure seems to grow in front of her, antler-like horns appearing upon what Alex assumes is its head.
'What do you mean conduit? What am I? why is it you come to me and take those that wrong me? I need answers.' The words tumbled from her in a torrent so violent she had no hope of stopping them. The silence that followed is deafening, the mist grows cold once more.
'You are my conduit; I am a creature of hate and fury. You feel pain so deeply and anger so violently that when you first called to me, I could not ignore it. I am sustained by the people you hate, by taking them it feeds me, it is an agreement that benefits us equally, is it not?'
'No!' Alex shouts in horror 'all of those people had lives and families and memories of their own and they were just gone!' suddenly horrified at the concept of what she caused Alex tries to run but finds her legs are stuck to the spot.
'What have you done to me?'
'I have prevented your demise foolish girl, for though you cannot see through this mist that hides us both, there is a cliff behind you that you would do well to remember' The entity admonishes her like a naughty puppy.
'I will not ask again girl, what is it you require from me?' from the tone, Alex knew she is out of time, she knows now what this entity wants, her mother.
Alex thinks of her life, of her mother who has always just wanted the best for her, of the breakup that led her to be on this damned mountain, of her losing her job and needing to be at her parents at the age of 34. No hope of her own family, no home of her own, no means to earn money. Her life is turning out to be pretty pathetic. Yes her mum can be awful, but she is only ever worried when she is like that. Alex sighs, she knows what she needs to do but is not sure that her bravery will hold out to do it.
'Does it have to be her? or can I give you anyone?' Alex enquires tentatively, not ready for the creature to tell her she must hand over her mother.
'No child, you can give me whomever your heart desires, and just as before, they will be gone, nobody but you will remember they were ever here' the silky-smooth voice returns and Alex feels quite calm, she knows what she must do to take this burden from her.
'Fine, creature of mist and hatred, the person I wish to leave me and cause me no more pain, is myself'
And then there was nothing. And everything. And Alex smiled, or she would have if she was anything anymore. Her eternity stretching out ahead of her, but after all, forever has to start somewhere.