For some reason, the words were jumbled when they hit her ears. There was no way he just said that word. Not that word. The room started spinning. Then the tunnel vision. So many thoughts. Memories. Plans. Faces. Family. Friends. She could feel her heart race. Then it just felt like it stopped. There’s no way she heard him right. No way..
“Honey,” she faintly heard her husband say. “Cherina. Can you hear me?”
She blinked a few times to shake off some of the shock.
“Um, yeah” she managed. “I’m here. Sorry, I don’t think I heard you right, Doctor.”
“You did,” he told her. “Glioblastoma is what we are looking at. I truly am sorry to have to tell you this.”
“So what exactly are you telling me? What can we do? How do I get rid of it? Is it curable?”
The doctor put his hands up to slow down the questions. This was the absolute worst part of his job.
“Cherina, slow down. Take a breath. Unfortunately, there is no cure. This is the most aggressive form of cancer. It attacks the brain and spine. There is no real treatment. And there is no cure.”
Cherina for some reason just could not understand the words that were coming out of his mouth.
“So what are you saying?” she asked again, shakily
“At best, with a medication regimen, we could be looking at a few months.”
The doctor looked at Cherina then to her husband, Jared. Jared tried to pull his wife to him but she just pushed him away.
“You’re wrong. I want a second, third, fourth opinion. I want to know how this could happen. I want to see the results and how you came to this conclusion. I don’t believe you.”
The doctor stood up and walked around his desk so he was directly in front of Cherina.
“Cherina, I have conferred with several other specialists. I had to be sure before telling you this news. They all agree this is what we are looking at. I wish this wasn't the news but this is what we are looking at.”
“We?” she shouted. “We? Do you have it too? Does Jared? Who else has it because from where I'm standing, I, me alone, am looking at this.”
“Cherina,” Jared started to say. The doctor held up a hand to stop him.
“Jared,” the doctor said. “ It’s okay. This is actually a normal response. Give her some time.”
Jared looked pleadingly at the doctor. All he could do was turn away from his wife so she wouldn't see his tears. This couldn't be happening. Not to her. Not to his wife. The most beautiful soul he had ever known. He would prefer it be him. He knew she was the glue that held the family together. She was the heart and soul. The shining star. His beacon of hope. There was no way he could live without her.
“Jared?” he heard the doctor say. He quickly wiped his tears and turned back around.
“Jared, why don't you take Cherina home? Take some time to process all of this. I want you both back here Friday to start our plan of action. Okay?”
Jared just nodded. He went to his wife and helped her up. He wrapped his arms around her and could feel her shaking and sobbing. It made him feel an inch tall. How could he protect her from this? How could he save her?
He held her close as they walked down the hallway. In the elevator. All the way to the car. He opened the door for her and helped her in. Before closing the door, he just dropped down and buried his head in her lap and cried. He just let it happen. He could feel her run her hands through his hair. He held her as tightly as he could. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours. They both had to figure out how to deal with this.
As he drove, Cherina held her hand out and grabbed his hand. She looked at the world passing by her out the window. She saw an antique store she had never seen coming up.
“Jared, pull over,” she said, pointing ahead of them. “That store.”
He put his blinker on and turned into the parking lot. He had never seen this store before. They had been up and down this street hundreds of times. How had he never seen it before?
Before he got the car turned off, Cherina was out and heading inside. He fumbled with the alarm as he chased after his wife.
When she opened the door, Cherina smelled the sweetest scent she had ever known. She couldn’t figure out what it was but it was comforting. She wasn’t sure why though. It was all-enveloping. It caressed every part of her body. She felt love. Not familial. Not friendly. Not romantic love. Something stronger. Something way more powerful. There was a peace she had never known.
She stared wide-eyed at the beautiful old pieces of jewelry in the endless glass cases. It seemed like each piece reminded her of someone or some time in her life that held some sort of significance. She realized she was smiling. How is that possible? She was just told she was going to die soon. So why was she smiling? She looked up to see if she could see Jared anywhere. Nowhere. Where was he? Did he even come in?
She walked over to a shelf with the prettiest pieces of china she had ever seen. The colors were so rich. She reached out to touch a plate but quickly pulled her hand back. She didn’t dare.
She walked around in awe. It was like everything she looked at told her a story. She could see the history somehow. She made her way to the back of the store and froze.
The sunlight streamed through the windows and lit up the most amazing chair she had ever laid her eyes on. It looked like rays from Heaven were lighting it up just for her. It was a dark colored wood. Was it oak? Teak? Cedar? She didn't know. But it was mesmerizing. The back had these huge wings that must have stretched out at least five feet on both sides. The detail was so intricate. It almost looked like the chair itself was breathing. The cushion was a breathtaking shade of purple. She couldn't recall ever seeing that shade before. The chair called to her. She moved closer to it but it didn't feel like she was moving at all. She reached out and touched the wings. Did they just move? That’s not possible. But they did. They ruffled. They moved. She was sure of it.
She slowly turned around and sat down. Instantly she felt calm. She felt peace. She opened her eyes to see the sun shining on her. She felt the warmth and lifted her head to absorb all of it. But where was she? She was just in the store, wasn't she? Now she's outside. Where's Jared? Where is the store? Where was anyone? Was she all alone?
“You're not alone,” she heard a voice behind her say. She wasn’t startled. She just turned around and saw the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Perfect in every way.
“And no, you’re not dead,” he said. Seeming to know what her next question was going to be.
“Where am I?” she asked. “And who are you?” Somewhere inside she knew the answer to this question.
“I am Michael. It's good to see you again Cherina,” he said.
“Michael? The angel?”
“Archangel.” he corrected.
‘What do you mean again’?”” she asked shakily.
“Oh Cherina, we’ve met a few times. Most recently, before this life,” he said as he pointed at her.
She was confused. She was very strong in her faith but she had never heard anything like this. This life? How many have there been? How was he connected to them?
“I will answer all your questions dear child.” He motioned for her to sit down on a bench that looked out over a serene lake. “Let’s sit.”
She followed him because what do you do when an angel tells you to do something? As she sat, she tried to take in all the beauty. The colors were so vibrant. Comforting. So clean.
“So is this Heaven?” she finally questioned.
“This? No. This is in between Heaven and Earth. I believe Limbo is what you humans call it.”
“Why am I here?”
“To be reminded.”
“Reminded of what?”
“That you chose this life. And you chose this death.”
She stared at him. “Why would someone choose to die and leave their loved ones like this?”
She asked harshly.
“You knew the outcome when you chose to enter the world in this body.”
“We don't choose our life when we are born. We are born. We live. Then we die. That’s why life is so precious. That’s why I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt my family. My friends.” She could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks.
“But you did choose this life, Cherina. We sat on this very bench. I showed you this life. The highs, the lows. The good. The bad. The ugly. The joys and the pains. I showed you every moment of it. You said you wanted all of that. This was the life you chose.”
She just stared at him, unable to process what he was telling her. They never went over this in church. The way it is, you're born, you live by the word of God, then you die. When your kids are adults. When your parents are already gone. Parents don't bury their kids. Kids don't learn how to live without their parents. That’s just how it was done. None of this makes any sense.
“Cherina,” Michael said, snapping her back to the moment. “Let me show you something.”
He waved his arm and there was a projector in front of them. She saw her parents. Her kids. Jared. All her friends. The people that meant everything to her. So where were they?
“What is this?”
She asked.
“The alternative.”
She watched as the scene played out. It was a funeral. Her funeral. But something didn't seem right. She started hearing the conversations.
“I still don't know how this happened. Why didn’t she just ask Jared to pick the stuff up from the store on his way home?” she heard someone say.
“He got stuck at work. And you know Rina, she likes to have the kids fed and ready for bed by a certain time.” said another.
“She was huge on routine.. Dinner. Family time. Showers. Bedtime.” another interjected.
“I just have one and could never do what she could. She was like Wonder Woman. She seemed to have it all worked out.”
“She would break down once in a while. Then she would cry it out and give it to God. The next day she would be good as new.”
“And it didn't matter what she had going on. She would still be there for anyone who needed her. The woman was an absolute angel.”
“So why did God take this angel from us? Like this? We never got to say goodbye.”
“How is Jared going to get through this? She did everything at home. Their whole world has been turned upside down. And inside out.”
“Those kids are too young to try to process this. Hell, I'm in my forties and I can't understand why.”
“They said the other car had to have been going at least 60.”
“It was pouring rain. Why would someone think it was okay to drive that fast?”
“There are too many questions and no answers.”
“I want to be angry with her, but I can’t”
“I wish I could go back and tell her I would bring some milk over.”
“I wish I could just talk to her one more time. Hear her voice. Feel her arms around me.”
“She did give the best hugs. It's like she hugged you with her soul.”
“I loved doing karaoke at her house. It didn't matter if you could sing or not. You just had a good time.”
“It's a reminder that you never know when someone walks out the door if they will walk back through it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
Everyone in the group just started hugging each other and crying.
Cherina just sat there and cried. After a few more minutes, she turned to Michael.
“As I said, this is the alternative,” he told her.
“Alternative to what?”
“You are upset about being told you're going to die soon.”
“Who wouldn't be?” She started to protest.
Michael put his hands up to calm her down.
“You're not seeing the whole picture.”
“So show it to me. Help me understand this.”
“You and I sat on this bench when I showed you this life. And when you saw this death, you knew how it ended. You said with this ending, you could tell your loved ones goodbye. You said you would rather have an idea of when so you could prepare those in your life for a life without you. With the alternative, it all just stops. No preparations. No goodbyes. No extra hugs. No extra family gatherings. No extra days to make someone smile. No extra time to change someone's life for the better.”
“But I want that extra time!” she yelled.
“I know. That is why I'm showing you this. I knew when the time came, you would bargain for more time. Everyone does.”
“Everyone?”
“Yes. All humans are shown their life before they descend. Which means they are shown their purpose on Earth. You will learn your true purpose over the next few months. You will get to make more memories. You will get to mend fences. You will strengthen bonds.”
“But I want more time to do all that.”
“You chose this Cherina,” he said calmly
“Stop saying that! No one would choose this. No one would choose to lose their child or be part of an abusive relationship. No one would choose to be surrounded by despair and loneliness. If we really got to choose then I would think we would choose happiness and love and family and friends and good times.”
“But,” he interrupted. “ If you have all that, how would you learn to appreciate it? Life is all about balance. Good and bad. Love and hate. And while you humans always want to rid the world of hate, the point is you need it to appreciate love more. You need death to appreciate life. Balance.”
Cherina sat there looking over her life. She could see what Michael was saying. Without the bad, the good falls aside. To have one you have to have the other.
“Do you see?” she heard him ask.
“I'm starting to. I think so anyway.” She felt the tears falling again. “So how much more time will I get?”
“No,” he said abruptly. “ I will not tell you that. Just live your life while you can. As if the next day could be your last.”
“How do I help my family? My friends? How do I help them be okay with this when I’m not okay with it? I want to fight, I want more time.”
“As I said, revelations will come to you. And you will know what you need to. It will all unfold as it should. Just pay attention.”
“Pay attention to what?” she pleaded.
Michael stood up and held his hand out to her. She stood shakily. She stared into his piercing eyes.
“It’s time,” he said softly. She closed her eyes as his hand touched her cheek. When she opened them again, she was back in the store. She could see Jared looking for her. She stood so he could see her. He walked over to her in a panic.
“Are you okay?” he asked hurriedly.
“Yes,” she said quietly. She straightened up.” Yes,” she said more strongly.
He looked at her and cradled her face in his hands. He looks at her with so much love in his eyes. Also pain. Fear. He has so many questions. He embraces her with his soul. She could feel his love. His fear. His uncertainty. As well as hers.
It became clear why this man was in her life. Their souls together made one soul. They could do this. But it only worked if they did it together.
She pulled back from him. She smiled the sweetest smile.
“We can do this,” she told him. “Together, we can do this. We need to tell the kids. Then our parents. Let's get past this part before we bring other people into this. But something tells me we will have the best support system ever.”
She hugged him tightly. As they headed to the door, she turned back but did not see the chair. She stopped for just a beat. Jared looked back to see why she stopped.
“Honey?”
“It’s nothing.”
As she got closer to the door, she saw the most beautiful scarf she had ever seen. The shade of purple was so vivid yet so calming.
She turned to see a little elderly lady coming towards her.
“How much?’ she asked.
“It’s already paid for ma’am.” the lady told her. “Enjoy.”
The little lady grabbed the scarf and wrapped it around Cherina’s neck. She looked at the nametag.
“Thank you, Emeline,” she said.
‘You’re welcome.”
Cherina and Jared walked out of the store with a renewed faith in life. And love.
