It's weird, isn't it? Finding comfort in something you know is about to backstab you. It's not fair on both of us: I am using you for my own happiness, but you're just here to slowly kill me while I try to stay away from the pain. How ironic.

The only two friends I have left have been trying to help me get over you, they even went as far as to invest on my mental health by paying therapy. But I don't trust the woman who sits across from me during those sessions, I doubt she can make me, at least give me the relief you make me feel when I have you around.

I spoke to my friends yesterday and told them what i felt about the therapy sessions, given that they were my friends I thought they would understand me when I voiced my discomfort. However, that didn't happen: their gazes dropped as they avoided my own. They looked disappointed in me, I knew they had been since the beginning of our relationship, but it had never made me feel as guilty and ashamed as I felt then.

"Have you done it, Janice?" She asked during our latest session, "have you tried, at least?" Her eyes were staring into mine, digging holes into my dark and rotten soul, it make my whole existence burn, but I would not let her know she was intimidating me. "You were right, Doc. Exercise is way more efficient than alcohol, I think... I think I don't need it anymore...?" I was still hesitant about that last part, I had been chugging you down daily... hourly... for about four years now, it's really hard to break a habit, especially as satisfactory as you were... are?

Though it's hard, it's not impossible. I have been seeing my therapist for a month and in spite of being hard to let you go, I am working on it, for mine and your own's sake.