Why do you still try moving forward when life is so miserable and so bitter?

A secret was told to me in a faint whisper

I was overcome by sleep, but disturbed by the dream

I trembled with fear, and my hair stood on end, as the cold breeze of wind blew past my face

Then it stopped and stood still

Then a form of a shapeless body appeared in the dark corner of my bedroom window  behind the curtains

And from the silence , I heard a voice say '' envy and jealousy will kill a stupid fool'' then it disappeared and left.

The words from  that quote made me think, was I one of the jealous stupid fools?

I thought a lot about foolish stuff that did not even contain to the quote I was given

Truth is I did not even know what it meant, but it only meant simple words:

Pendulate between the darkness and the light. Depression is a healing tonic which restores the Self to a point of equilibrium. 

It was impossible to weigh my misery and grief.

Questions filled my pea sized brain:

What is food without salt?

What is more tasteless than the white of an egg?

I guess envy and jealousy really overcome me.

Honestly, I'm not as strong as stone or bronze

Mighty as wonder woman or superman.

I began to consider myself nothing, I did not have what others have, I was no as pretty as other girls

I was not rich life my friends…..i began to think more like a stupid fool.

Now you tell me, to all I'm facing…should I patiently hope when my strength is gone to all worthlessness?

I am desperately in need of your help because you are treacherous as streams that swell with melting snow, then suddenly disappears in the summer. Unlike me that is like a caravan lost in a desert while searching for water. Only one look at my suffering and you will run away scared

Why do you run away?

Why don't you help me in times of my needs?

Why don't you have pity on me?

Are my cries and worries that are annoying that you walk and ignore me like a bagger on the sidewalk of the streets in Katutura?

What have I done wrong?

Show me all my mischiefs and I'll be quite. they say the truth is always painful, but your arguments prove nothing.

Here I'm desperately in need of your help and you consider my words as worthless as wind. Look me straight in the eye and I won't tell you a lie.

Yes I was wrong before but cant I be given a chance to prove my worth?

I wonder and gaze to the night sky filled with stares.

Why is life so hard?

It's like I'm a slave in search of shade, a laborer longing for my wages. I pray for night to end to see the sun shine again, but it stretches' out while I toss and turn in my wooden bed, and it feels like my days are running out quicker than the thread of a fast-moving needle.

Someone once told me… trust is something as frail as a spider's web, which takes hold and fall because its so flimsy.

Sinful people like you and me are like plants with spreading roots and plenty of sun and water. Their roots wrap around a rock, but once they pull up its like their life slips away and another plant grows in its place.

Why do you still try moving forward when life is miserable and so better?

Life is not so bitter when you put your trust and faith in the Lord. We all know that no human is innocent in the sight of God, we are all sinners.

We know God is a true God, a God that doesn't reject an innocent person or help a sinner. He will make you happy and give you undeserved love, he will put all you enemies to shame.

So why should you care about what they say?

Why should you turn away form you destiny because of what they say?

Why should you be jealous about their lifestyle?

Do not forget all that God have done for you in your life. All the miracles God worked, we cannot understand one: he can shake the earth loose from its foundation, or command the sun and stars to hold back their light. God alone stretched out the sky and stepped on sea.

No matter how clever you are or how innocent you are, God will prove you wrong. I am a human being just like you I am not special, even though I have longer hair than you, or I have a fancy mansion, or my body is good looking or I am smarter than you….. We all have hearts, we all have brains to think for ourselves. What is on the outside doesn't matter but what is in the inside matters. Believing in yourself and putting all you faith in the Lord might change you. What you ask for does not come like magic, why? Because God's time is not our time.