It isn’t too strange nor quite distressing, but I wonder why this pocket-size statement leaves a pang inside me at most times.
So, what do you do?
My keenness to pay attention to what gets asked of me puts me in a dilemma of whether the dear stranger (who I met for the first time) even got my name correct.
Everyone , who we meet for the first time has this standard (read, stereotypical) question aimed at us right after we tell our names.
My name is not unique, but it is also not the one you often hear in a room or when you meet somebody, planned or unplanned. When I tell my name or briefly pause right after telling it, the dear stranger eagerly jumps onto “So, what do you do?”
If I am in a room full of people, eight out of ten times, the dear stranger does not even recall my name after five minutes of meeting me.
Alas!
‘Ah, dear stranger! – You did not even spend ten seconds registering my name in the first place. Oh! I understand. You were more interested in jumping to your next question! Poor you! You behaved perfect as one ought to do when meeting someone for the maiden time.’
So, what do you do?
Well, it is no IIT-Jee entrance question to crack the inquisitiveness of the dear stranger behind this question.
The dear stranger wants to know where I work. Isn’t it? (I am rolling my eyes with a promiscuous smile right now). ‘Which company do you work at? (You are a perfect human being if you are a CEO, a Director, an Engineer, a Doctor) Are you self-employed? (Ah! the entrepreneur) Are you a student? (good academics aka a successful life) A teacher? (perfect work-life balance!) A new mother (Ah! What a noble deed you did). hmm! A homemaker (Aish! What a waste of life :(). Comeon, tell me quickly so that I can compartmentalize you in one of my judgemental boxes for people.'
Perhaps my criteria to get to know someone is different (maybe a crazy one – one may say so). A deep pang stings my heart each time I meet you – dear stranger. You may be in a different human body, but you ask the same question the second I tell my name.
When stars align,and two strangers are ordered by destiny to meet on one fine day, isn’t it an opportunity to know someone for who they are before what they do professionally?
Isn’t ‘So, what do you do?’ just another role in one’s life?
Shouldn’t it be placed elsewhere in the questionnaire that we carry when meeting someone new? Since when did somone's profession define or sum up the entirety of that person on the planet?
No, don’t get me wrong, dear stranger! You should know what I do for a living! After all, we all need to make money and pass the time on this planet. A testament that I am busy in life!
But can’t this come a little bit later in our conversation?
If you ask me, “So, what do you do?” with a genuine interest in enlightening yourself with the existence of another species of your kind, then start by asking the type of personality I have. Try getting to know me as a person in the first ten minutes. Tell me about yourself as a person. Ask me what my likes or dislikes are, or we can plainly pause to feel the wonder of that moment of meeting someone new. Gather yourself to ask something more creative. Little friendly?? Immediately, after I tell you my name, you don’t have to jump to that obvious next question. At that moment, we are not on the hot seat of ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ and our fate is resting on a ticking clock! Take it easy, Mate!
Sounds boring?
In the past two years ever since I moved to the States, I have had the luck of meeting at least 60–70 people in informal settings due to my husband’s deep fondness for keeping his social circle alive but trust me not even once was I caught by surprise by any of the dear strangers’ first ten seconds of role play.
Any guesses?
“Hi! Nice to meet you. So, what do you do?”.
Well, here I must share it was repackaged occasionally (just how a product wrapper is redesigned sometimes from the outside but has the same stuff inside!) the drill went, “Hi Varuna. Nice to meet you. So, what will you do here in the States?” (Hahaha!)
While writing this piece, I googled the phrase 'So, what do you do?' (Giggling and chuckling) as thousands of resource pages opened in front of my eyes. From notes to ‘Stop asking what you do’ to ‘how you should handle the question ‘So, what do you do?’ in a more effective way, I was suddenly taken into numerous scenarios at work, at a social gathering, in an HR interview and on social media where everyone has the same question, “So, what do you do?” within seconds of meeting each other.
I concluded that I am not the only one reeling under the heat of this question. There might be someone who shares my pain, but most of the resources I read approved the necessity of this question in the first ten seconds of meeting someone. Each one was a true guiding light on answering this question most accurately!
I do not deny the importance of this question in a few formal settings, but how this question has silently crept up to the top of list to judge someone whom they meet for the first time, irrespective of the setting - amuses me.
Is that good or not? Who knows?
I am unsure if this piece made any sense to you, but let me tell you – three days from now, I have a small neighborhood lunch meeting with a few strangers. I wish for a different start, but somewhere deep inside, a strong hunch is that within ten seconds of meeting, similar pearls of words will come my way, once again –
So, what do you do?