They were all looking at me. I could feel it. I could feel their eyes roaming across my body like oil spreading across the open water.
I have always been uncomfortable with my body. I am on the larger side of the scale, but that was common enough, so why were they staring? I was only taking the train, just like them. True, it was a bit more difficult for me than for most people due to my size. I did take up more seats than any other person on this line, but still, was that enough of a reason for all of them to be staring? At the same time? Could they not see how uncomfortable I was already without their glances?
It was a funny feeling. The looks were not unusual (I get them nearly every day at work) but I never get used to it. Maybe that is just what happens for someone like me – never fitting in, always standing out in a crowd.
Swimming in my own thoughts, I almost lost my balance as the train lurched to one side. The people closest to me jumped out of my way with terrified looks on their faces, even though I did not come close to touching them. I tried not to let any hurt or shame cross my expression. I merely ruffled my hair and tried a small smile of apology. That only seemed to frighten them more.
I dropped the smile quickly and looked down at the floor. I guess I would just stare at the grey smudge mark there until I reached my stop. It was not far now.
The lady on the speakers blared loudly, declaring that we were reaching the platform. I pried myself from the uncomfortable plastic chairs and padded my way to the automatic doors. I would not have long to climb out and it was always an awkward angle for me. Hopefully no one would try follow me out this door, but that did not happen often. Only the occasional child, overcome with excitement at my unusual appearance. Even then, they would likely be dragged to the next door by their overly-concerned mother or father.
That was all okay though. The zoo was not far from the station and then I would be in my element. Despite being uncomfortable in the throngs of people, I loved my job there, and once I really got stuck into it, it was easy to ignore everyone.
The train came to a sudden stop but I was prepared this time and barely moved. The doors slid open with a groan and I stepped out onto the platform, coming face-to-face with a woman who looked more petrified than anyone I had ever encountered before. She was frozen before me, mouth gaping open, skin growing pale. I could not help but grunt out a laugh. She looked so ridiculous.
I smoothly walked past her, her hands shaking as she jumped onto the train before the doors closed. I allowed myself one more laugh as she pressed her face to the window to make sure she had seen correctly. As if she had never seen a polar bear on a train before.