A tattered photo that was cloaked in the scarlet light of Sadie’s dark room hung in the center of a cluttered cork bord. The back of it read, August, in the top left corner and Summer of 1980 in the bottom right. The front captured blurry faces of two girls, one who had too much to drink, the other too much to smoke. Sadie couldn’t seem to remember much of anything; her seizures had led to amnesia that swirled her days together, but the memory of that night was something her mind had decided to cling to, and she was glad for it.
The photo held the last moment anything felt real. Sure, she had made memories after that night, after her, but they had run off to some place she could not follow. Forty-four years later, Sadie has given up on chasing her memories, but she can’t seem to let go of a nameless, blurry girl. Her life’s regret is both agreeing to not stay in contact. No names. No phone numbers. No letters. The only thing that she knew about this girl was that she moved to California the morning after they had met. Saddie had stayed behind in Orlando trying to forget one of the few things she could remember.
Looking up from the pictures she had been developing from a hike a few days prior, she unpinned the polaroid from its place. It looked as tired as she felt with torn corners and a yellow tinged boarder. Saddie placed the photograph in her wallet before opening her laptop to look for bus routes to California. Everyone around her, including herself, was nervous about the idea of traveling in her condition but with her service dog she had been able to ease most of their worries. Saddie, however, was a nervous wreck.
Barley pushed his nose underneath her arm and wined.
“Are you ready to go to California?” The dog looked at her as if he was asking her the same question and if she was being honest, she wasn’t sure.
***
The next morning her bags were packed, and her ticket was booked. It Couldn't be said that she was excited about her fifty-five-hour train ride, but she would take it over a plane any day. Saddie got into her lift with Barley beside her and headed off to the train station.
She boarded her train at round 7:00 AM Got seated. And decided. That she was going to Try to find information about nameless girl. She had almost done this before but stopped herself in fear of finding what she wanted and being rejected or not finding anything at all and this trip being a waste. A voice in the back of her head always questioned why this girl never looked for her the way that Sadie was now trying to find her. But what would she have to go off of? Saddie didn't give her anything before she left. They had decided to leave each other with nothing out of safety. The 1980s were not known for its accepting social climate.
What if she didn't want to see her?’
What if she wasn't living there anymore?
‘What if she was married?’
Saddie sighed; her palm pressed to forehead. “What am I doing barley?” He, of course, did not have an answer to her question, and so it went unanswered. She tried to think back to that night to see if they had let any information slip. But Sadie was too drunk that night and Nameless Girl was too high. The conversation that she did recall was to the nature of what their futures were going to be like If they ever escaped their shitty moms. The girl had Mentioned that she wanted to be a singer or a film director or a traveling artist. The two of them were sitting out on her front porch that night when Saddie had asked her what she wanted to do with her life and the girl couldn't settle on a path. She asked Saddie the same question and said she wanted to be a doctor. This wasn't true but it is what made money and if Sadie was going to get away from her mom and dad (mostly her mom,) she was going to have to make money. And dreams don't make money. She laughed at the idea. Her career of being a doctor stopped as soon as her first seizure started.
Throughout the train ride they stopped several times for people who wanted to stretch their legs and maintenance she assumed. Barly grew restless towed the end as did she. The closer they got to LA the more she dreaded it; a plan had not actually been made on how to find this girl. The best Saddie had come up with was asking strangers on the street if they had seen a sixty-one-year-old version of the girl in the picture.
In the end she decided to check out LA’s music scene to see if that is the path that she went down on. Many of the locals had suggested she try going around to different karaoke bars but none of them seemed to recognize her. To top everything off, Sadie got lost a handful of times before giving in and asking a guild that was giving tours around the city to walk with her to a bar called the Brass Monkey.
“Before you go, I just wanted to ask if you have seen this girl.” Saddie flipped open her wallet so that her guild could examine it.
“She’s very young in that photo but that's one of the singers at this bar; she’s a regular. Her name is August. You may be able to catch her before she goes on stage.” Heart pounding Saddie thanked her guild and weaved her way through the small crowd, stopping to ask where august might be. After being pointed in the direction of the backstage, Saddie stopped short of the curtain. What would she say to her? ‘Hey, I traveled two-thousand miles to find you?’ Before she could decide what to do, someone pulled open the curtain, almost running into her. They both stared at each other for what seemed like ages before August broke the silence.
“Saddie? How did you get- why are you-”
“You remember me then,” Saddie said as tears started to surface.
“Of course I do... Do you remember me?”
Saddie laughed and pulled her into a hug, “I try.”