There is lightening striking and eighteen wheelers barreling by, Heather lets out a shy. Tears welling in her eyes with no wipers like for the jeep. Her jeep, she packed up as tight as she could for her and two boys. Rain gathering under the belly of her car and spitting out behind her. Chaos outside of her and within, now questioning is she the reason for this storm too.
Nah she can not be that powerful. If that was so she wouldn’t have been torn between her safety and well being of her children or satisfying her obligation to an unhealthy marriage. She wouldn’t have been scared to chase her dreams, live fully and simply. The pain she endured, thinking it was light at the end of the tunnel only to find, pieces of herself. Scattered all across a field of tulips and she had to find and put together each one to make her whole again.
Through the rain her memories flooded her. Recalling the birth of her second born she adjust her hips releasing some stored pain. The steering wheel becomes the baby mobile she was installing. She could not hear a thing from the memory, but she could recall the smell and feelings of this moment. She remembered feeling lonely and alone. The scent of unseasoned potatoes boiling over in a pot she forgot about on the stove. Grasping for the memory of being loved she didn’t feel it then, didn’t remember it now, suddenly realizing the last time she felt loved was when her daddy hugged her for the last time.
“Daddy, where you goin?” Heather called out in a high pitched yell. Her mother shaking her head and smiling at the sound of the pitter of Heathers little feet towards the front door. Heather’s mother was no nonsense and her father was fun and fleeting. The reason why they weren’t together anymore now, but the reason she enjoyed his company more than her mother’s strict direction. He took himself to bended knee and let her whip her short arms round his neck for a hug. He didn’t even have a chance to answer, she asked another question. “When you coming back? Tomorrow right?” He wouldn’t have been able to get a word out if she hadn’t paused to kiss his check. “Yes. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Holding onto his shoulders so she could get a good look at him. Beaming with pride and love for her daddy, like she was his parent. He started to stand and Heather tried to fight back tears and the urge to take ahold of his leg and not let go. She couldn’t fight both so decided to cry. Her daddy didn’t let himself pull away quickly. He hated leaving them too. He gave Heather a hug while she squeezed her eyes shut and tears rolled down her brown cheeks. Somehow she didn’t even realize she wasn’t holding onto her daddy any more but her mother was floating her back to rear staircase past the kitchen. The door slammed on its own and she heard herself say ‘mom’. It wasn’t her own voice, “Mommy”. The first born was calling her and brought her back to the moment. Now she remembered her daddy, the first and last man to love her. She never thought another would after she watched his casket close. Now realizing she gave birth to two that would. Not in the same way of course as her daddy, not like she desired from a lover, but they would love her none the less just different.
A bump in the road reminded her of how she always envisioned those final moments for her daddy. The blast or booming, he must have heard. the shock to realizing her was hurt and unexplainable reason he was losing his bodily function. Falling to his knees then on his face forced to submit to the incomprehensible pain. Feeling the ground come up to his left cheek he felt cradled by his mother. The day she left her daddy in the cemetery she recalled that kiss so cold on his right check. Her love forever in the ground she decided. The birth of her first son excited her desire to love again. As soon as he came earth side she realized instantly her love came pouring back in her life.
Tears ran non stop doing her face, forming a puddle above her bottom lip and spilling from her chin. Splashing on her wrist while she drove. Realizing her pants now damp she tried to wipe her eyes before turning around to address her baby’s unanswered calls. “Mom.” He said now with the most concerning tone a child could have. “Yes, baby.” She responded trying to mask the tears in her voice. “Can I sit up there with you?” Unsure which child it was she didn’t even turn around fearful they would see her crying and weak. “Baby we almost there I think, its unsafe for you to sit up front right now. The storm is too bad.” “Okay, mommy.” A boy child responded. They both needed a hug. She hadn’t even checked the GPS to see if they were in fact almost there but she had to be. All the moments that just replayed through her mind and the emotions being processed, she was hoping so. She needed a break from thinking and driving.