The Diasporan in Mexico
Vanessa surveyed her surroundings and felt a pang of inadequacy. Despite her tireless efforts to support her husband's lifestyle and achieve the dream they had long pursued, she still felt unfulfilled. This was a recurring theme in her life, evident even on the night of her engagement, where a decision made under pressure became a yes. The sense of insufficiency persisted, compounded by her attempts to distance herself from her countrymen to avoid their frequent scams. Instead, she channeled her energy into her hustle, hoping for a significant breakthrough.
In her early twenties, Vanessa was independent and ambitious, navigating life far from home. Despite the challenges and vulnerability, she pressed on. She gazed out of the window at her surroundings in Mexico, a country she had come to love for its family-friendly neighborhoods and vibrant lifestyle. Yet, it was also a place where she grappled with frustration.
Her attention was drawn to a figure in the distance—PamPam. An intelligent and introverted individual, PamPam had a tall nose and thick glasses. He adjusted his glasses and smiled nervously.
Vanessa took a moment to reflect on herself. She was a determined and strong woman who had never experienced a long-term relationship until the age of 23. Passionate about modeling and law, she had been discouraged early on by family and a lack of resources. Her migratory status in Mexico had prevented her from pursuing a legitimate modeling career for twelve years. Nevertheless, she survived through freelance and undocumented jobs, including working in night bars and socializing with strangers. Despite her vibrant social life and reputation for rescuing people in distress, Vanessa's journey into wifehood and motherhood was fraught with challenges.
On this particular night, Vanessa was unprepared for what PamPam had in store. Living 11,000 kilometers from her homeland had led her to question her sense of self and adapt to a new world where her choices and self-worth required no external validation.
As Vanessa stepped outside and saw PamPam approaching, she noticed a strained smile on his face. During their dinner, PamPam demonstrated how to enjoy sushi, and the evening was filled with delightful experiences, from street tacos to meaningful conversations. PamPam moved in with Vanessa, saving him 45 minutes of commute time, which allowed him to focus more on work. Despite feeling she could achieve more, Vanessa was captivated by PamPam's dual nature, which made her reluctant to let go.
On July 27, 2012, in the heart of La Antigua Mexico City—a charming, romantic diamod restaurant with peacocks and waterfall—PamPam proposed. She already knew because he was very predictable ... so she got her sky blue nails ready, short red dress and lovely hairdo before this moment. They were seated by a fireplace with soft jazz playing in the background. Vanessa studied PamPam's nervous expression and took a deep breath before responding, "I'm sorry, PamPam, but I don't feel the same way, and I never will... I feel insufficient." Overwhelmed, Vanessa retreated to the bathroom, crying as she grappled with her sense of inadequacy and unfulfilled dreams. She wanted to be more than she was before marriage. She had just started making a meaning out of life ... she was in the middle of her modelling and acting career... Could he be in a haste because that Panamanian actor Mr A. Makala was still lingering in her life and PamPam was afraid to get chanced... Oh well Vanessa sighed Rejoining PamPam, who had also shed tears, Vanessa assured him, "I believe together we can make this work." PamPam was visibly moved.
Vanessa was anxious about the pressure of marriage after such a short relationship. She reflected on the challenges and reassured herself that faith and perseverance would see them through. PamPam seemed genuinely excited, his emotions raw and intense.
Vanessa struggled with the idea of starting a family. PamPam had expressed reluctance to have children due to his demanding schedule, while Vanessa had always dreamed of motherhood. They faced a decision: should they have children now, or wait? The question of timing lingered, and after seven years, they found themselves at a crossroads... (To be continued)
True life story... (Part 2 ... Crossroads of bloody tears)