Hello friends, I trust you are well. Today, I felt inclined to talk to you about personal peace. I wanted to share with you a personal story about how God is using a particular situation in my life to teach me an important lesson. You might be wondering what that lesson is. It's very simple. What I have found to be true is that wherever the peace of God is, then that's where the will of God is. This is a lesson and concept that I have had to learn sometimes in the most roundabout ways.
There have been times in my life where I actively felt the peace of God about a particular situation but ignored it because it felt too simple to take notice of. I was waiting for God to give me grand signs that what I was involved in was his will, and in those times, he chose to just give me peace instead in place of a grandiose sign. I actively and intentionally ignored it and begged for a bigger sign because peace alone just couldn't cut it for me. Yet most of the time, those grandiose signs never came, and I found myself wrestling with God a lot. Sometimes, opportunities passed me by because I was not willing to pursue the personal peace that Christ was giving me and act in the direction I was meant to take.
Fear had gripped me. And the fear I speak of is the fear of missing God's will. I always wanted to make the right decision because I never wanted to pay the consequence of making the wrong one. So, I always prayed, "Let your will be done," not realizing that when his peace was present, it meant I had the green light to act on that thing. Allow me to share with you a personal story that perfectly captures this lesson.
In 2019, I met a special guy on a Christian dating app called Upward. We started talking, and our first phone call showed that there was chemistry between us. The conversation flowed naturally, and the time on the phone made me feel like I had really connected with someone unique. We had a lot in common, and what I really liked about the conversation was the sense of honesty that existed within it. I found myself able to be honest without being too revealing, and he responded to that in an appealing way. It felt like I was connecting with a friend of many years, and the organic nature of the conversation felt right. Right then and there, I had peace.
Don't misunderstand me. I did not fall in love, but I felt the peace to pursue this guy. After some time, we met at a Starbucks in Carson, California, and had a wonderful time. Then we lost contact because I dealt with health issues and decided to put dating on hold. I'm not sure what he thought of that, but I imagine he thought he'd never hear from me again. Then the pandemic hit, and I found myself in and out of psychiatric hospitals dealing with mania because of the stress of the season. That year I had 4 or 5 manic episodes and spent much of my time in hospitals. It wasn't fun.
A couple of years later, I found myself at PIHOP, the Pasadena International House of Prayer, where I decided I would go to be with the Lord. There, while in prayer, I had an open vision where I saw this same guy that I had met in 2019. The funny thing is, I hadn't thought of him in a while, and I wasn't praying about him. Yet in this vision, I saw myself introducing him to my family at our annual Christmas party in my cousin's house. I was perplexed; that's not something I usually do. I don't just introduce anyone to my family. Then the vision ended, and I stepped out to call this guy. At that point, we reconnected.
To keep this story short, I will say that ever since then we have been in each other's lives. And whenever fear has tried to grip me concerning my relationship, I do the only thing I can do and go to God. Despite our ups and downs, the peace about pursuing our relationship persists. When I feel the peace now, I lean in, I don't fight, and I don't run. Leaning into the pursuit of this relationship has been the best decision I have made. I have found this relationship to be the most peaceful, loving, and edifying relationship that I have ever been in. But I had to learn to lean into the peace. My friends, I leave you with this lesson. God is not the author of confusion. If you feel the personal peace that he provides you after you seek his face about a matter, lean in. You don't need a big sign. Sometimes all you need is the presence of peace.
