Ode

It was a cold November day when Louise and Calliope first met. Winter was just settling in and the night had left behind a light blanket of pure white snow. There was no better day for their meeting. Like every other day, Louise had gotten out of bed too early and had spent two hours of her morning just lounging around in her rented flat reading the book gifted to her on her 21st birthday.  Once her alarm finally rung, she had sighed heavily and had put down her book to get ready for another long day at work. As always, she hadn’t taken very long to get dressed and was soon enjoying whatever food she could stomach. That morning, she managed to eat a full apple, a rare occurrence since she usually felt pretty sick after consuming even one slice of bread. Like every other morning, she then brushed her teeth and her hair before finally slipping into her coat, grabbing her bag and heading out for the day.

It took her a few minutes of walking in the snow to start regretting not having taken her scarf with her. As everyone did in London, Louise was used to walking fast with her head down, minding her own business. Had she done that, she would easily have missed Calliope’s unusual presence. For better or for worse, Louise had a cold and right as she was going to pass by Calliope, she sneezed. That sneeze made her lift her head with a sudden jerk and she found herself with her nose in the air, able to see how the crowd seemed to part around a lost-looking young woman. Though Louise’s reason told her that she would be late for work if she asked this person where she was going, her curiosity got the better of her and she found herself walking in that girl’s direction. Louise cleared her throat loudly and the girl jumped with surprise. Calliope turned around and looked in the direction the noise had come from.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you looked lost, do you want me to help you get somewhere?” asked Louise softly, startled at the girl’s ethereal beauty.

Confusion spread across Calliope’s face and was soon replaced with understanding as she smiled warmly at the kind stranger. She edged closer and showed Louise what looked like a very crumpled map of London.

“I need to get to this antique store close, but I’m afraid I got off at the wrong stop and now I’m just confused. Do you think you can help me get there, my friends will be worried if I don’t show up in about,” she checked her watch with a flick of her wrist, “ten minutes from now.

Louise looked at the map, barely registering the foreign accent in the girl’s English. While it took her about thirty seconds to find the best route from where they were, it took her only one glance at Calliope’s face for Louise to decide she would accompany the petite girl to her destination.

“I’ll take you there, just follow me.”

Another wide smile spread across Calliope’s face and they walked together in silence, navigating through London’s narrow alleys until, barely two minutes after they had left, they found themselves in front of an impressive looking antique shop.

Calliope clapped her hands together in childish mirth and turned around to thank her before furrowing her brows. She tilted her head to the side.

“I don’t know your name, do I?” she extended a hand in Louise’s direction, “it’s a pleasure to have met you, I’m Calliope!”

Louise smiled gingerly and took that small white hand and gave it a firm shake.

“I’m Louise and the pleasure’s all mine.”

Calliope broke their handshake and after waving goodbye to Louise walked into the shop. Louise stoops outside in the snow lost in thought before checking her watch and swearing loudly as she saw the time; she was going to be late for work.

That’s where their story should have ended. A simple coincidental meeting, leading to nothing but the warmth of the brief moment of contact between their hands. Louise would have been left with the memory of this beautiful girl painted in the same colours as the snow that fell that day and Calliope would have viewed that winter carpet with a new fondness. And that should have been all that existed between the two of them.

However, later that week, Louise found herself sitting alone at the table of a small café, patiently waiting for a date that would never come. That very café was owned by Calliope’s friend and the very day Louise happened to be stood upon, Calliope decided she would pop in to say hi

You can only imagine the surprise etched on Louise’s face as she lifted her head to see Calliope enter the shop, the wind from outside rippling through her long white blonde hair, making her look like a mirage. You can just imagine how Calliope’s expression changed in a matter of seconds, flitting from unguarded joy to disbelief as she saw Louise’s face and then going pure happiness as she shrugged off her coat and sat at Louise’s table.

The two women stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity and then they both started laughing. Louise hid laughter behind her hand while Calliope threw her head back letting peals of laughter warm the ambience of the small café.

“Now, I never could have imagined that I would meet you again!” chimed Calliope after she had finished laughing.

“Me neither.” assured Louise, “how’d you know this café? I personally love coming here, but since it’s kinda lost in the alleys of London, people rarely come here. It’s a wonder that it’s still open really.”

“Well this place belongs to my friend Milly so I come here all the time when I can!” she leaned forward and whispered, “Just between you and me, his parents are pretty well off so they help him whenever he needs it.”

The smug look on Calliope’s face as she shared this secret made Louise giggle. She had never felt this comfortable so fast. It was almost as if she had known Calliope all her life. She paused for a second after finally registering what the other woman had said.

“Milly is a he?” she asked.

Calliope’s eyes widened and she laughed.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Milly’s name is Maximillian but everyone calls him Milly. It’s cute isn’t it.”

Louise glanced at the powerfully built man behind the counter and the thought that his nickname was Milly was enough to make her laugh again.

The two of them chattered merrily for another half hour before Louise finally dared ask the question that had been on her mind since their first meeting.

“Calliope, where’s your accent from? It doesn’t sound from around here.”

Seeing how the other woman’s face clouded over, Louise quickly apologised, fearing she had stepped on a landmine. Calliope merely thought for a long minute before finally allowing a grim smile to slip onto her face.

“I’m French. I just finished my studies in France so I came back to England to live with my dad.” She paused and her expression grew more relaxed, “You can call me Pele if you want, everyone calls me that.”

Louise took advantage of the heavy silence that flowed to study her new friend’s features. Calliope was beautiful. There was no other word that would better describe her. Her face was rounded and her pale blue almond shaped eyes were framed with long white lashes, making it look like she always had snow on them. She had a full heart-shaped mouth that could easily move from a smile to a pout. Her pale hair fell down her shoulders and whenever she was uncomfortable, she would tug at it absent-mindedly with her small white hands. Louise had never met anyone quite as fragile looking as this woman in front of her. It seemed almost as though a slight push would send her sprawling to the floor.

Their silence was finally broken when Calliope turned towards Louise eyes wide with excitement.

“I have such a good idea! Why don’t we meet up here every few days to catch up and stuff!”

It was impossible to deny the girl’s request so Louise simply smiled and nodded. She thought for a minute and then rummaged through her purse, pulling out her phone. She unlocked it and opened her contacts. Then she slid it across the table.

“Put down your number so I can contact you!” she murmured shyly, afraid Calliope would refuse.

She didn’t have to wait. It wasn’t long before the snow-like girl typed in her number and handed her phone back.

“Just send me a message with your name and I’ll text you back.”

“Fine by me.” Louise checked her watch and sighed, “Guess he’s not going to come…”

Calliope lifted a brow.

“Who?”

“Oh don’t worry, I was just talking to myself. My co-worker set me up with one of her friends and we were supposed to meet up about an hour ago. I had a feeling he wasn’t going to come. In a way, I’m kinda glad he never came cause otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to spend this time with you.”

“You’re gonna make me blush” giggle Calliope as her cheeks turned a soft pink colour.

After a few more minutes of talking, Louise checked her watch again and grimaced.

“I’m going to have to leave you, I still have a lot of work to do for tomorrow” she muttered.

“Then go, just don’t forget to send me a message!”

“Will do” answered Louise as she put on her coat and wrapped her scarf around her neck.

She headed for the door but didn’t leave until she had waved goodbye to Calliope.

As she walked back home, Louise couldn’t help but let her mind wander back to her discussion with her newfound friend. There was something that bothered her but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. While Calliope seemed to be a very bubbly character, there also seemed to be a part of her she was trying desperately to hide behind her positive façade. After a few minutes of pondering this, Louise shrugged it off and decided that she was probably feeling under the weather.

Later that day, Louise did indeed send her message and after barely a minute, she heard the familiar ping of her phone. She scrambled for it and was able to read Calliope’s brief but mirth filled message. The joy she fell asleep to surprised her but she welcomed it gladly. These moments of joy were becoming rarer and rarer and she relished them.

The two women talked constantly for the next few days and finally decided to meet again. That meeting left them both leaving with a warm feeling in the stomach and it wasn’t long before they met again. And again. And again.

They had slipped into each other’s lives quite naturally and soon they felt like the other had always been by their side. Eventually, it became hard for them to spend a few days without meeting up. They would text each other and call each other into late into the night. They were both night owls and found that they appreciated each other’s company as the night draped across London. There were even moments when they wouldn’t sleep, simply talking to each other until it was time for them to go to their respective jobs, tired but fulfilled.

Louise would feel her stomach flutter whenever a message arrived. She found herself anticipating every one of their meetings and while she thought that excitement would soon settle down, it ended up only growing to the point that whenever she walked along the streets near the café they both went to, she would find herself turning her head constantly, secretly wishing to catch a glimpse of Calliope. Every moment in her friend’s presence seemed too short and she constantly yearned for more time.

Louise was elated. Her friends noticed the differences that came with this joy and whenever they would ask her about the reason to her sudden change, she would simply smile a secret smile, draw a finger to her lips and wink at them.

Louise had felt as though she were drifting away from her friends, but she was so blinded by Calliope’s innocence that she wasn’t in the least bothered by this. She became close to Calliope’s friends. Not that there were many of them in London. In the city, there were only two people that the pale girl spent time with, both boys who had gone to the same university she had, though they had both been a year older and consequently had left for England before she did. The first of the boys that Louise met was, with no surprise, Maximillian or Milly for familiars. He was a tall and muscular man, though Louise soon found out that that hard façade hid an unusually soft and warm heart. He accepted her easily since he deemed that Calliope could be trusted to choose her friends correctly. The other boy was less understanding.

Louise met Camille at the café. All three of them had been sitting and chatting around one of the tables in the top right corner of the shop when the February wind brought in a boy who’s beauty was on par with Calliope’s. He had stormed up to their table and had slammed his hands onto the table startling the small group as he glared at Louise. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, he had grabbed Calliope’s arm and had dragged the poor girl to the opposite side of the café. They talked rapidly in French, Camille constantly gesticulating in Louise’s direction as a means to punctuate his dialogue. She had stared at the speaking, Maximillian whispering to her that Camille cared deeply about Calliope and was always wary about the friends she made. Apparently, Camille was worried that Louise might abuse of Calliope’s trust according to Maximillian’s rapid translations. When the two of them finally seemed to reach a consensus, Camille had come up to Louise, had extended his hand and had mumbled something about how he hoped they could become good friends. Louise had smiled widely and had shaken his hand with enthusiasm.

The incident at the café had marked the time when Louise had started to be invited out to hang out with the three of them. She had never been happier. She relished in the fact that this ethereal being and her friends had deemed her worthy of being their friend.

Even though they did grow quite close in a very short period of time, it did take them about two months before Louise was able to gather up her courage and ask Calliope if she wanted to sleepover. The latter had given her a painful smile and had gently shaken her head, conflicting emotions in her eyes. It was only after about another month that she finally accepted.

Louise’s joy had made her oblivious to the pain etched on her friend’s face. When she had finally turned around ecstatic, Calliope had had the time to force her usual bubbly self back to the surface and appeared to be just as excited as her friend. She had squeezed Louise’s hand tightly and had promised her she would be at her house around 6 o’clock in two days’ time. They had parted ways like that, each anticipating their sleepover in different ways. While Louise had been overjoyed and spent the two days she had left meticulously planning what they were going to do, Calliope had been anxious, virtually disappearing from her friend’s radar until the promised day.

When Calliope had rung the doorbell, Louise had been setting up their beds in the living room, her bedroom being too small for the both of them to sleep in. at the sound of the bell, she had dropped everything and had rushed to the door to let her friend inside.

Calliope’s face lit up when she saw her friend’s face appear through the crack of the door and soon enough the women were both inside Louise’s flat, happily chatting about their respective days.

“Just sit down wherever, I’ll be with you in a second, I’ll just finish setting up the beds!”

Calliope’s answer was a soft laugh as she threw her bag to the floor while throwing herself onto her friend’s sofa.

“You’ll never believe what an awful day I had!” moaned Calliope, arm draped dramatically over her forehead as she spoke, “So I’ve told you about Silas from the office who keeps asking me outright?” Louise nodded, feeling oddly uncomfortable about this subject. “Well, you won’t believe it/ this time he decided to up his game and came to work with flowers. Flowers, Louise! Can you believe this man? I’ve said no like twenty times and here he comes with that huge bouquet of red roses and he just shoves them into my face. Then he left and spent the rest of the day staring at me like he expected me to thank him for this unwanted attention! What a joke?”

“What did you do then?” asked Louise curiously, as she sat on the sofa next to her friend, drawing her legs up until she found herself in a crossed leg position.

Calliope ogled her friend as though she couldn’t believe what she had just asked.

“What do you think I did? I waited till the end of the day to give him back his stupid flowers of course. I shoved them right back into his face and then walked away without saying anything, just like he did this morning. You should have seen his face, it was hilarious.”

“I can imagine!” laughed Louise, gradually finding herself relaxing in Calliope’s presence.

Calliope stretched her arms and sighed.

“Louise, you have just no idea how annoying it is. I’ve had people approach ma randomly in the street, claiming that I was their soulmate… can you even imagine how annoying that must be?”

There was a hint of distress in her voice as she spoke so Louise thought it best to think about what words she would use to reply.

“I think that people are just too selfish to realise that they might be considered an annoyance from someone else’s point of view.” She paused and thought a second as she felt Calliope’s pale blue eyes observing her intently. “In a way, some people are too self-centred to even begin to imagine that they could hurt someone through their selfish attitude.” she groaned, “I really don’t know how to put it… Humans are egocentric creatures by nature and while some can learn a bit of self-awareness, others just plough forward, not caring about who they take down with them.”

Louise furrowed her brows, suddenly seeming to realise that her usual self was very much like those self-centred people she had just described; she usually relied on her friends more than she should and rarely took time to listen to their own stories. This realisation hit her like a ton of bricks and she felt the need to change.

Calliope hadn’t seen the inner storm that had swallowed her friend. When Louise had finished her small monologue, she felt relief wash over her. It wasn’t the first time she had asked someone that question. People usually looked at her with a mixture of disgust and respect and then answered that those kind of people were only normal and that they probably couldn’t help themselves since her beauty was so unworldly. Those answers had turned her stomach and she had soon found herself unable to see those people again, not understanding how they could tell her that her situation was her own fault; Calliope had never asked to be born in her beautiful prison, if anything, she had grown to hate her body more and more as the years had passed. Consequently, she had found herself left with only two people she could proudly call friends; Maximillian and Camille. And now Louise. Those people had taken time to actually reflect on her question, Camille even going as far as asking her for a day to think about what his answer should be. Those people had seen her as more than just a pretty face.

The two of them sat in silence on Louise’s sofa. One questioning her whole being, the other glad to have met someone she could actually count on. After what seemed like an eternity, Louise had finally remembered her job as a host and had asked Calliope what she wanted to eat. The pale girl had simply shrugged and had let her friend do whatever she wanted. They ate in silence. That silence wasn’t heavy at all. It was a mutual silence. Sign that they felt comfortable in each other’s presence. Neither of them felt the need to start up a conversation, Louise relished her friend’s presence and was satisfied with the fact that Calliope was eating alongside her.

It didn’t take them long to finish eating and they soon found themselves sprawled on the sofa again, the same silence accompanying them though this time it seemed heavier, like they were searching for a subject to talk about. Louise was the first to break their silence.

“Why did you choose me?”

Calliope turned towards her brows furrowed, unsure what to reply.

“I’m not quite sure I understand your question Lou…” was her curt answer.

“I mean to say, why did you choose to trust me to bring you to that antique store?” her friend’s confused expression made her press the matter, “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the first one to have ever asked you if you needed help for any reason or another. So, why did you choose to know me better amongst all the other people who could have been potential friends?”

This simple yet complicated question brought a smile to Calliope’s lips and she stretched her hands above her head, letting them fall back down with a flop.

“Well, I believe in fate you see.” She murmured softly an almost pained expression accompanying her gentle smile, “When I saw you at Milly’s café, I decided that if some greater being made us meet twice, it must have been for a reason. So I decided to get to know you. There’s nothing more to it I guess, you were there at the right place at the right time and fate brought us together.”

Louise bit her lip as her heart gave a sharp twinge, slightly hurt by her friend’s answer; she had wanted calliope to smile her bubbly smile and tell her that she had just known that Louise was different from other people.

Calliope must have sensed her friend’s frustration since she put her arm around Louise’s shoulder and brought her closer. And once again their comfortable silence enveloped them and warmth radiated along Louise’s body. Her cheeks were flushed and she leaned into her friend’s embrace, savouring the warmth of the moment. Everything seemed right. Louise found herself slowly reaching for her friend’s house and once she had found it, she gripped it tight, as though she wanted to keep Calliope from escaping. Everything seemed so right. Louise propped herself up and stared at her friend’s profile, the way Calliope’s nose seemed to perfectly align with her brow, the way Calliope’s full lips pouted slightly when her facial muscles relaxed…

Before Louise could even realise what was happening, she found herself leaning in. With her spare hand, she found herself cupping her friend’s face gently and drew her in. Calliope didn’t even resist, it was like she was in a world of her own. Louise’s lips came in contact with Calliope’s and she held them there. Everything seemed so perfect. The kiss was chaste. It was done in the heat of the moment, fuelled by Louise’s hunger for warmth. Time stood still.

Until Calliope came back to her senses. The moment shattered as she pushed Louise away with all her strength. She was panting as she stared at her friend with wide eyes, pulling her hand away and grasping it to her chest in desperation. Neither of them spoke. They stared at each other and Louise realised the impact of what she had just done. Her hands fell to her lap and she stared at them as they started to tremble. They sat in silence before Louise lifted her head and let her eyes meet Calliope’s pale blue ones.

“I…” her voice cracked, “I’m so sorry.” tears rolled down her cheeks, “I don’t know what took me.”

Calliope drew in a shuddering breath and she forced a gentle smile on her face as she reached out for Louise’s hand.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I’m sorry too.” she glanced at the beds laid down on the floor of the living room and nodded her head towards them, “Let’s just call it a day and go to bed.”

Louise couldn’t find her voice so she simply nodded, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. She led Calliope to the bathroom and left her friend inside to change. She then headed off to her bedroom to get into pyjamas.

Her hands were still trembling as she buttoned up her pyjama top. Guilt fell on her like a load of bricks. She could barely believe what had happened. Louise prided herself in being able to control herself in almost any situation. Yet here she was, regretting her own actions. Everything had been perfect.

She headed back to the living room and sat down on the beds she had prepared, awaiting her friend’s return from the bathroom. The scene was replaying in her head. There were so many ways that moment could have ended. A million different possibilities. Yet here she was, sitting alone on a mattress, a knot in her stomach as it dawned to her that she had chosen the worse possible solution. There were so many ways this could have gone. She could have simply held her friend’s heart and stood back and let that slight girl eat away her heart.

Eat her heart. Louise lay down, drawing her now cold hand to her chest. Before anything could have even started, it was already all over. Everything had been perfect. Regret washed over her. She felt shame rise in her and her heart beat faster as it ached. She wanted to turn back time. She wished she had never helped that girl on that cold November day. Maybe that would have spared her the pain. Louise found herself praying to whatever god existed above them that this incident wouldn’t damage their relationship too much, that they could still be friends after this. She prayed that the pain swallowing her heart up would subside. She prayed that Calliope would forgive her brief lapse of judgement.

After what seemed like an eternity, Louise heard the familiar creak of the bathroom opening. She sat back up in a rush and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she saw her friend switch off the bathroom lights and draw closer to her before plopping down on the mattress next to her.

“Pele…” tried Louise, despair leaking into her voice.

Calliope merely shook her head in the guise of the answer, letting Louise they were done for tonight.

The ethereal girl slipped under the covers, drawing them up all the way to her chin as she turned her back to Louise. The other woman sat there for a second before getting under the covers.

It didn’t take long for Louise to hear Calliope’s soft and regular breathing, indicating that she was sleeping. The night dragged along slowly but Louise found herself unable to sleep. She was too conscious of her friend’s presence beside her. She only had to reach her hand out and she would be able to feel the dip of her hip. A little closer and she could feel the softness of her cheek. As her resolution wavered, Calliope turned around mumbling incoherently and faced her. Louise didn’t dare breathe lest she roused this fragile beauty before her from her peaceful sleep. Calliope’s eyes fluttered open and she found herself staring into the depths of Louise’s dark brown ones. She smiled gently.

“Did I keep you from sleeping?” whispered Calliope softly.

Louise shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Don’t worry bout it, just sleep, you look tired.”

As if in response, Calliope yawned, but she shook her head and sat up slowly.

“Now that I’m awake, I won’t be able to sleep. We can just talk if you want.”

“Fine by me.”

Louise sat up and drew the covers around her.

“Do you ever wonder what London looks like at this time?”

Calliope hesitated, a conflicted expression drawing itself across her features.

“It’s not the best…” she confided, drawing her legs in and hugging them as she rested her chin on her knees. “London is a hard place to be when you’re alone. This city is so cold and people barely even notice you. I-.” she paused and corrected herself, “one could be a beggar in their eyes. They walk by each other, too absorbed in their sad lives to even begin to notice each other’s pain.”

The spiteful tone in Calliope’s voice was unfamiliar, but Louise simply cocked her head, giving her friend her full attention as she continued.

“At this time of the night, you’re better off alone or at home. One can only feel lonely when in other people’s company. It’s like the night acts as a veil, separating you from everything and everyone. You become invisible…” she marked a pause and turned to face Louise, “Don’t you ever feel lonely? Don’t you ever want someone to find you?”

There was a slight forlorn tone to her voice as she spoke, almost as though her questions were directed to herself.  This tone hit Louise in the heart and she found herself lost for words. When she finally regained her ability to speak, she could see Calliope was already lost in her own world, eyes looking into the distance, as though she could see the loneliness of this great city.

It was at that moment that Louise realised that she would go through great lengths if she could simply relieve this girl from whatever weight crushed her slight being. When that fact dawned to her, Louise felt as though she was now at peace with herself; this girl meant the world to her.

The two of them sat in silence, watching the night make way for dawn until Louise’s alarm finally rung, shattering the magic that the night had brought them. They had breakfast together and got dressed in their respective zones, Louise in her bedroom and Calliope in the bathroom.

Louise didn’t take very long to get dressed and absentmindedly opened the door to her bathroom, catching Calliope as she slipped on her t-shirt. Though Louise had seen her friend’s back for barely a second, the purple mark that contrasted violently with her pale skin tone did not escape Louise’s attention. She frowned.

“Pele, about that mark on your back, how did you-.”

“It’s none of your business.” snapped Calliope aggressively.

Louise was taken aback by the hostility in her friend’s tone. It seemed so foreign in Calliope’s mouth that Louise was at loss for words. Taking advantage of Louise’s confusion, Calliope continued prepping herself as though nothing bizarre had happened. She pulled back her hair in a tight ponytail and applied some lipstick. Louise on the other hand just stood there, mouth open in shock.

Once the surprise had washed over her, Louis felt anger bubble inside her. Not against Calliope, but against whoever had dared lay that mark on her white skin. She grabbed her friend’s wrist.

“Pele, who did that?” she hissed.

“No one okay, I fell. Pretty stupid right. Happy now? And can you let go of my wrist, you’re gonna give me another bruise if you grab it so hard.”

“Pele. I need you to tell me who did this to you.” Insisted Louise, not releasing her grip.

“And what are you going to do?” Calliope barked a cold mirthless laugh, “Slap the person who did this? Bring them to the police? Let it go, Louise. You. Can’t. Do. Anything. About. It.”

The distorted expression that twisted Calliope’s face took Louise aback and she unconsciously let go of her friend. Calliope nursed her sore wrist and shot Louise a look full of venom.

“I’m sorry, I’ll just” started Louise.

“You’ve done enough I believe. Just move out of the way; I’m going to be late for work.” cut Calliope.

Louise moved out of the way and followed her friend as she watched her gather her stuff, put her coat on, then her shoes and finally rest her hand on the doorknob. She paused and turned around, mouth open as if to say something before shaking her head, thinking better, and simply offered Louise a stiff nod before opening the door and walking out, slamming it shut behind her.

Time stood still as Louise struggled to grasp what had just happened. This was it, the moment she had dreaded since day one; the day when Calliope would shoot her a look of disgust and walk out of her life.

That day Louise called in sick. And in a way, she was indeed sick. Her stomach was tying itself into knots and she felt as though someone had tied a weight to her heart. She spent that day lying on the mattresses they had shared. Thinking and regretting her actions. She should have been more patient, she should have asked nicely, she should have been less impulsive. There were many different “should have”s. Many different ways this could have ended. In the space of one evening, Louise had managed to do two actions she regretted so much that it hurt. That was more than she usually did in a year. Two simple actions that had they been controlled, would not destroy their fragile bond. They loomed over her as she lay there, hand extended in an effort to grasp Calliope’s lingering warmth. She lay there all day, barely noticing the hunger that gnawed at her stomach or the night as it fell. All that she could see was Calliope’s twisted yet pained expression. The way her mouth had contorted into a silent rictus, contrasting with the distressed look in her eyes.

In a short time, they had spent together, Louise had learned that Calliope was a woman of contradictions. Yet nothing in her friend’s actions could have prepared her to what had happened during their time that day. How could one ever be ready to see their friend at their most vulnerable point?

It took Louise another day and near unbearable hunger to finally get up and get along with her life the best she could. She made herself a bowl of cereal and cleaned up the beds in her living room. When that was done, she sat on her sofa, sharp pain in her heart as she gazed at London through the bay window opposite her. She was starting to understand what Calliope had said. London was a lonely town. You could spend your whole life here and still never feel completely at home. She sat there eating her cereals slowly as she thought about London, about her home town near Devon and about the people who had come and gone in her life.

She had started to drift off to sleep when her alarm had rung. With a deep sigh, she had set her bowl down in the kitchen and had gotten prepared for work. Like every other day, after half an hour, she was pulling on her coat, grabbing her bag and leaving her flat. Unlike every other morning, her gaze lingered on her couch as she shut the door. Her whole flat seemed empty without Calliope there to brighten it up.

Another sigh escaped Louise’s lips as she shut the door and left her building, heading off to work. As everyone did in London, Louise walked fast with her head down, minding her own business. This time, she found herself often glancing up in hopes of seeing Calliope standing on the street, an absent-minded smile on her lips.

This hopeful demeanour continued for an odd week. It took Louise that long to stop hoping that Calliope would jump out from the corner of a street and laugh her bubbly smile while telling Louise that the whole had just been a big joke. Once that hope vanished like a snuffed out flame, Louise fell into a spiral of desolation and self-pity. She found herself pacing around her flat muttering to herself angrily, accusing Calliope of having used her and tricked her. This anger would then subside and Louise would sit herself down on her couch, tears streaming down her face as she desperately thought of ways she could persuade Calliope to come back to her.

These flitting moods were only a small part of this woman’s life after Calliope had left her. They were the times where she would be the closest to the person she had been before. More and more often, she would find herself too tired to do anything and she would just lie down on her bed, too weak to even cry or move. She would spend hours like that despondent to the world around her. It was a moment like these that Louise realised how much Calliope meant to her. She couldn’t imagine a life without seeing that pale girl’s fragile smile.

Her heart ached as she remembered the way Calliope threw her head back and laughed without a care in the world, completely oblivious to people’s disapproving glares.  Louise remembered the times they had sat together at that small café, Calliope flailing her arms around as she struggled to describe things that Louise had never seen. She could almost see the way her friend’s eyes would widen with wonder when Louise would describe the different countries she had visited in her life. Louise was heartbroken. There was no other way to describe how she felt. Though she didn’t realise it she had built her world around that ethereal girl and while she had managed to persuade herself that she could never fall in love with a woman, there was no mistaking those feelings that weighed on her heart. She had come to love every bit of that woman. Calliope had made her feel special and had thawed her heart frozen by years alone in this lonely city.

Louise would get up every day, feet heavy as she dragged herself along until day turned to week and week turned to month. Her pain slowly ebbed away until it had become a constant but bearable ache. After a month, Louise had managed to focus on her work and put Calliope behind her. She still hoped her friend would come back to her, but now she had learned to fight this hope by keeping herself busy. However, after two months with no news from Calliope, Louise learned to fear. She found her heartache replaced by a constant fear for her friend’s wellbeing. She would picture all sorts of different scenarios where Calliope would be hurt or dead. These visions would keep her awake at night and on the rare times she did fall asleep, she would wake up the next morning in a cold sweat as she pictured a bloody Calliope desperately calling for help.

This daydreaming got to the point that she became inefficient at work and jumpy. A creaking door would frighten her and she became afraid to walk alone at night, even in her own apartment. No matter where she went, she felt unsafe.

At the end of the second month, Louise steeled herself up and went out to search for the two people who might know were Calliope was. The only place she knew she could have a chance of meeting Camille and Maximillian was obviously the latter one’s café. That place the two women had spent so much time together had been deserted by Louise after her falling out with Calliope. And here she was, walking back to that place, stepping down memory lane as she walked down the familiar lanes, seeming her friend’s shadow at every turn she took. Nothing had changed. The small café was still adorned with the same old fashioned sign and the door was still slightly ajar, sign Maximillian still hadn’t called in a professional to repair it.

After a brief hesitation, Louise pushed open that door, hearing the familiar bell as she entered the shop. She turned to the counter where she saw Maximillian staring at her as though he had seen a ghost.

“Hi.” she tried, waving her hand.

“Hi…” he answered after a pause, “I haven’t seen you here for a while.”

His lip jerked up in what could have been a smile. Louise answered back in kind, not exactly if she should actually smile or not, he seemed to already know why she had come to seek him out. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair.

“If you wait here for 15 minutes, Camille should drop by. Otherwise, you can just ask me whatever.”

“Thanks Milly, I’ll just have a cup of tea as I wait please.”

He nodded and Louise sat down at her usual table, the one in the top right corner. She watched the man she wasn’t sure she could call a friend, as he prepared a cup of tea and brought it to her. Maximillian pulled a chair over and sat next to her. He propped his elbows onto the table and looked at her as she sipped at the steaming hot beverage, burning her tongue. A chuckle escaped his lips and he ran his fingers through his hair again, a movement he seemed to repeat when he felt uncomfortable. He turned away from her and looked at the door.

“You know, it’s become pretty quiet here now that you and Pele don’t come over.  Even Camille doesn’t drop round as often as he did.” he faced her, staring into Louise’s eyes, “He really appreciated you, you know. And that’s saying a lot. He usually hates most of the people Pele brings here.” he sighed and paused for a second, “I don’t blame him… Most of the people who befriend Pele only see her for her appearance. He’s learned to spot that superficiality.” A chuckle escaped him as he saw Louise’s expression, “You might not believe me, but he really did respect you. At first, he had been worried about Pele, but he gradually saw that you weren’t bad. I guess Pele’s joy contaminated him and he stepped back, giving you enough space to fit in with us.” There was a small silence as Maximillian’s eyes filled with pain, “We hadn’t seen her so happy in such a long time. She hasn’t had an easy life, poor child.  Both of us thought things were heading down the right path and that she was slowly getting better… I guess your prolonged absence is a sign that something went wrong. I won’t pry. She’ll come to us when she wants to talk about it. All we can do is give her some time and space. She will come back. Don’t worry too much. You’ll get used to her absences after a while. She’ll go to Camille first and then, naturally, she’ll come back to me, us.”

His face clouded over and he turned away again. Louise set her cup to the table, not trusting her hands anymore. Her shoulders started to tremble and before she could stop herself, tears slipped down her cheeks. She drew shuddering breath after shuddering breath. Relief washed over her; Calliope’s absence was the time she needed to think things over and “mend” she wasn’t necessarily trying to ignore her. Thankfully, Maximillian didn’t try to comfort her, probably too used people needing space to process their feelings, he put away his chair and went back to standing behind the counter, patiently waiting for clients that never came. Had he tried to comfort her, Louise would probably have broken down, unable to control the waves of emotions contained within her. Silence reigned inside the café.

Once Louise had had a good cry, she felt much better and was able to finish her drink, sipping on it calmly. She enjoyed the calmness of the shop and savoured this moment of silence. A few minutes, the door swung open and Camille stormed in, heading straight for the counter where he and Maximillian spoke quickly in French. When they stopped talking, Louise turned around to see Maximillian nodding in her direction and Camille stare at her. He walked over to her table and pulled out a chair, spinning it around and sitting on it, hands resting on the back of the chair.

“Haven’t seen you in a while have we? You got any clue why Pele’s disappeared?”

This blunt question startled Louise, but what surprised her, even more, was Maximillian’s shout; she had never heard the gentle giant raise his voice.

“Ferme la Camille.” he barked, his friend not even flinching as he stared at Louise, face twisted in a snarl.

“You have something to do with it, don’t you? And you won’t tell us.” he spread his arms and laughed mirthlessly, “Parfait alors! Don’t tell us, it’s fine. But I promise I swear, that if you hurt Pele in any way, I will come for you.”

Louise’s cheeks flushed as anger boiled inside her. She set her cup down with a loud clang and she leaned forward, face close to Camille’s.

“I wish I could tell you. But it’s not my place. Pele will tell you if she feels like it. All I want is to know where I can find her so I can right things.”

Camille put his face in his hands and his shoulders trembled as a bizarre sound escaped him. For a second, Louise thought he was crying. That was until he leaned backwards, throwing his head back, in the same Calliope did, and laughing a cold hard laugh. Louise was taken aback and was powerless as the man ran his hand through his hair as he sat back up, banging his hands on the table, anger painted on his face, twisting his usually handsome features.

“No one knows were Pele is. And even if we did, we wouldn’t tell you. Cause then what would you do? Storm to her place and try to right the mess you made? Mais et puis quoi encore, you’re disillusioned, just sit back like the good girl you are and wait for her to come to you.” he stood up and stormed to the door. “Milly, just take care of the girl.”

He slammed the door and Maximillian turned to Louise, offering a small shrug.

“So he ‘respects’ me, huh?”

This question broke the awkward tension and Maximillian snorted.

“Well I guess his affection for Pele just crushes that.” he took a look at the dark circles underneath Louise’s eyes, “I think you should go home and get some sleep, you look awful. It’s better to get some rest until Pele comes forward, she can take some time you know.”

“Thanks for saying I look awful, but I’ll take you u on that, just notify me if you hear anything okay?”

Louise slipped into her coat as Maximillian chuckled softly, bringing a smile to her lips; they had both needed that light talk, worrying about Calliope was tiring after all.

Since that day, Louise started to go once again to Maximillian’s café, much to his delight. They would exchange light-hearted bouts, Calliope’s unspoken absence still weighing on both their consciouses. Yet these moments together helped comfort the two and reminded them that though Calliope still hadn’t reappeared, at least they still had each other to count upon. Camille would also join them from time to time, but he would always go out of his way to ignore Louise, barely glancing at her as he walked into the café and blatantly ignoring her during their conversations, or at worse, talk through Maximillian if he felt he had to make something clear. Though this way of acting had greatly frustrated Louise at first, she had soon come to realise that this was his twisted coping mechanism. That made her forgive him for all his awkwardness, having known Calliope the longest, he was bound to be the most affected by her disappearance.

Surprisingly enough, she grew quite fond of their moments all together, while it wasn’t the same without Calliope, she had grown quite fond of these men and enjoyed their company quite a bit. When they were together there was an unspoken agreement that Calliope was not to be mentioned, however, slips of the tongue are human and it wasn’t rare for one of them to slip up, silencing the small group and make them all think of the different possibilities surrounding Calliope’s prolonged absence.

They would meet up on a weekly basis and soon enough, another two months had passed. Calliope had now been gone for four months. Louise still felt a slight pang whenever she entered the café, half expecting to spy Calliope waving at her from the back, but she had learned to cope with that constant ache. She was now overly conscious of her feelings for Calliope, but the more time she spent in Camille and Maximillian’s presence, the more she became comfortable with them. Whenever she talked to these two people, she felt ‘normal’. According to them, people were inclined to feel a strong affection towards Calliope, there was something about her that begged to be taken care of and protected. While Louise was secretly thinking that her feelings might be more than some simple affection, she accepted that idea. It seemed so natural and could easily explain why that pale girl had garnered so much unwanted attention.

Spring had come late that year and by the time June came around, the weather had finally started to heat up quite a bit. As if to contrast with the day Louise had first met her, Calliope chose the hottest day of June to show up at her door, almost exactly four months after her disappearance.

Louise had been watching her usual late night TV shows, sprawled on the couch when she heard the doorbell ring. Initially, she had been confused, not knowing who could or would ring at her door this late at night. That confusion has soon dissipated, and in some feverish hope, she had run to the door, had unlocked it as fast as she could with the trembling hands and had swung it open. She had felt tears rise in her eyes as she recognised the slight figure huddles up in the corner by her door. Calliope had lifted her head and had plastered a pained smile on her face.

“Hello there Lou. Long time no see.”

Louise would have cried with relief had she not noticed the flowering bruises on her friend’s face. It was impossible not to notice them, they stood out bright purple against her pearly complexion. Calliope must have noticed her staring since she lifted an absentminded hand and gingerly touched her cheek, wincing from the pain as she pressed a darkening bruise.

“It’s really not that painful Lou. Can you just let me in? It’s cold in the corridors…”

Unable to form words, she stepped aside and Calliope got up, dusted herself down and walked into the flat. She stood there, hands on her hips as she looked around.

“Nothing’s changed since the last time I came here, has it?”

“Not really no.” managed Louise, the words catching in her throat as the dim light revealed more bruises on her friend’s arms and legs.

Like many times when she found herself in Calliope’s presence, all form of rationality left Louise and she found herself pulling her friend in a hug. The pale girl had stiffened, visibly not prepared for the sudden affection, then she had wrapped her arms around Louise’s trembling figure.

“Why are you the one crying?” she asked softly.

“Because you won’t.” shuddered the crying girl, “You should have come sooner, I would have made you some tea.”

Calliope chuckled, a sound so pure and sorrowful that Louise found herself aching to comfort this fragile being in any way she could. Calliope muttered something along with the words of English people really do like their tea too much, as she gently patted her friend’s back.

Once Louise had finally stopped crying, the two of them sat on the couch before the bay window that overlooked London. They sat there in silence, simply holding hands before Louise asked the question that weighed on her consciousness.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think now is an appropriate time. Maybe some other day.”

“Pele, we might not have another day. Who knows when you’ll disappear next and if you come back like this, I don’t know how I’ll be able to take it. I wonder how Camille must have gotten through years of seeing you come back in such a state. It would have destroyed me.”

Calliope didn’t reply, she tensed her jaw and let go of Louise’s hand as she drew a leg in and hugged it; trying to avoid pressing on the bruises that splattered it.

The sight was beautiful to behold and unconsciously Louise held her breath as she gazed at her friend. There wasn’t anything she could do apart from stare at her. Calliope exuded fragility and it seemed as though she would shatter to a thousand pieces if Louise got to close. This resolute silence was one that Louise could barely begin to understand. It had stemmed from years of closing people off in a means of self-preservation. Denying everything was a way Calliope coped. Hoping that if she didn’t tell anyone, they wouldn’t notice and everything would keep being alright.

Once Louise had realised that Calliope wasn’t going to talk that easily, she got up and made them a cup of tea each. She placed the two steaming hot cups on the table she had dragged from across the living room and she sat back down on the sofa, stubbornly waiting for Calliope to open up.

It wasn’t an easy task. Calliope had closed herself off and sat there, ignoring both Louise and the tea set of the table before her.

“Pele, you know that I’m not going to let you go if you don’t tell me, right?”

While asking this, Louise had been studying Calliope’s face as she sipped her tea. Calliope’s face rippled with an indecipherable emotion. Something along the lines of anger, pain and regret. She turned her head away and took a deep breath before finally facing Louise.

“You are going to have to learn to stop prying.” she warned, jaw clenched, “I will tell you whatever I need to tell you en temps voulu, just wait for goodness sake, do you have no patience?”

“Patience? You’re questioning me about patience? Is that right? Calliope, I do not know what is wrong in your life, but you have just disappeared for four months. Do you even realise how long four months is? Okay, let’s talk maths. Four months is equal to four times four weeks, giving us sixteen weeks. Now let’s talk in days. Sixteen times seven. 112 days. That’s almost a third of the goddamn year. And here you are telling me I have no patience. Calliope, I want to help you. Can’t you understand that? How much longer are you going to wait before you decide to deem me worthy? Camille already knows but he’s known you since you were small. Even Maximillian who’s known you for God knows how long doesn’t know the whole freaking story. At some point, you’re going to have to learn to let people in Calliope. Not for us, but for you. You can’t even cry about your own life, it’s so detached from you, you can barely even feel it anymore. Calliope, just let us share a part of your burden, it’ll help, I promise.”

By the end of her monologue, Louise was panting hard but she was glad she had managed to go through all of that without raising her voice. Yes she had been angry, yes she had spoken the hard truth, but at least there had been no shouting. Calliope on the other hand was not taking the criticism too well. She had clenched her fists so hard that her knuckles were turning white and her whole face was extremely tense. She breathed in deeply and rubbed her eyes. Silence enveloped them before Calliope exploded.

“You have no goddamn idea what I’m going through.” she screamed, “You have nothing to say to me, you can’t understand it. you prattle on about how I’m going to feel better, well missy, I’ve told Camille. Did it solve my problems? Guess what, no it freaking didn’t. Now I have to live with the fact that I stole his childhood. We were twelve when I told him. He matured too fast because of me. He thought he had to protect me the best he could. And there he was, small Camille protecting Calliope from the other kids at school, carrying her tray whenever her hands were too sore to hold it, getting told off by the teacher for not having done his homework even though I was the one who didn’t do it. I’ve had it up to here with people trying to help me. Even Milly joined in. Constantly pestering me about what goes on in my life. Well, learn to read between the lines. I don’t want to tell you.” she breathed in hard and tears started to stream down her face, “Goddammit, here I go crying,” she muttered while trying to wipe them away, she looked at Louise accusingly, “I’ve never asked for any of you to get involved in my personal issues. Why can’t you all learn to just take a step back? I never asked for th-.”

“Enough self-pity! We’re your friends; we’re here to be there for you. Why can’t you just trust us for once, it might not be so bad.”

“You can’t understand the hell I’m living. No one can ever understand. No one you hear me, Lou? Stop trying to help me there’s no saving me.”

“Calliope! Have you really ever even tried?”

Louise’s words couldn’t reach Calliope any longer. The pale girl had shut herself out, hands covering her ears as she brought her legs into a foetal position and closed her eyes. Louise leaned back and sighed, she had no idea how to reach out to this girl without provoking another anger fit.

After a moment’s deliberation, Louise decided it was better to give her some space to think before they talked again. She quickly moved around the house, packing what she needed for the night before heading out, leaving Calliope in her protective position on the couch.

Outside Louise shivered, feeling the cool air of a summer’s night graze her skin as she walked down the street, unsure where to go. Soon enough, she found herself walking down the same path she had brought Calliope the first day they had met. Her feet brought her to the antique store and she stood there, uncertain what to do from then on, she had left Calliope to give her some space but she had no clue where she was going and whose house she would stay at. Most of her friends had cut ties with her as she had become closer to Calliope and her friends, and now here she was, in front of this immense store.

She was glancing around, searching for some small motel she could stay at for the night when the lights switched on inside the store and the huge doors swung open. Camille stepped out onto the street and lifted an eyebrow.

“You lost?”

“No… I had Pele over and I think she needed some space, but now I have no idea where to go… I’ll just go crash at some motel or something, no worries.”

She had been staring to head back when the man called her back.

“Pele showed up here earlier and I had a feeling she would go see you.” he chuckled heartily, “I also had a feeling I would find you here. You can come up and stay at my flat for the night if you want.”

A relieved smile spread across Louise’s face and she nodded once, following him into the antique store and up the stairs at the back.

“It’s not much, but it’s home.” He stated as he opened the door, revealing a well-furnished apartment, full of all sorts of different antiques.

“It’s fine, thanks a lot, Camille.”

 He gave her a quick tour of his home and then showed her the bedroom she would be sleeping in. her bag was soon on the bed and she was just about to get into pyjamas when she noticed Camille staring at her. She shot him an inquisitive look.

“Do you need anything?” she asked cocking her head to the side.

“Well I was thinking that first I should apologise, I freaked out when Pele disappeared and I directly accused you, so I’m really sorry for that. And secondly, I have some drinks in the fridge and I was wondering if you just want to talk or something…” he trailed off, scratching his head.

His awkwardness brought a smile to her face and though it was quite late, she felt as though she wouldn’t be able to sleep so she simply nodded and followed him to the living room. The poufy leather chair in front of the low table was claimed by her and as she made herself comfortable, Camille came back with two opened bottles of beer. He handed her one and sat in the chair opposite her with a sigh. He rubbed his face and stared at Louise.

“I guess Pele didn’t tell you anything at all, did she?” Louise’s shake brought another sigh as he continued, “Well you’re going to have to know one way or another, I’ve already told Milly mind you, Calli just don’t know. She thinks only I know. To be honest, I wish I could just keep my mouth shut and let her finally take some action, but seeing how long it takes her to open up enough, I think it’s better if I take matters in my own hands.” he thought a second, “So what do you know? Her bruises and how she likes to keep everything to herself, that’s about it right?”

“I wish I knew more, but yes.”

“Mon Dieu Calliope, you don’t make things easier for me, do you… I’m going to be blunt okay. She has an abusive father and a drug-addicted mother. Her father lives in England and her mother in France, they divorced when she was Twelve and that was one of the hardest times in her life.”

Silence ensured this declaration as Louise thought about all the implications. Camille took a long swing from his beer bottle before setting it down loudly on the table.

“Any questions?”

“One I guess, did you also tell Milly things so plainly?”

He ogled her and roared with laughter.

“You are a tough nut you know. Here I am giving it to you plain and simple and here you are worrying about my Milly boy. To answer your question, yes, yes I did. I’m not too good at all the fancy nonsense as you may have noticed; I like to keep things plain.”

“A little too plain…” muttered Louise.

“A little too plain indeed, but it’s kinda hard to say it any other way. How else am I supposed to say it? Her father had slightly violent tendencies and her mother enjoys narcotics in her spare time. Real funny. This girl has had a very messed up childhood, from her father abusing her for as long as she can remember to her mother who blatantly ignored her daughter’s suffering so she could enjoy the simple pleasures of whatever the hell she could get her hands one. Bastards the two of them. To think Calliope could have spent her whole life with these people. And you’d think it’d gotten better when she got to high school and could finally defend herself. No. It only got freaking worse.

She became a womanly. She became the beautiful creature people lust after today and all that at the ripe age of eleven. Her mother disappeared then and there was no longer anyone at home to satisfy the man’s desires. All he had left was this gorgeous and broken daughter. You can imagine the rest. All I can tell you is that it didn’t go well. She never told me the details but I know it got messy, at least he didn’t rape her, but he did many other unspeakable things to her. She only told me. There was no one else willing to become close to her with that father of hers.”

“I never could have imagined it was that bad” whispered Louise choking on the words as her friend’s story gripped her insides and twisted knots in her stomach.

She drew her legs closer and drank a sip of her beer, grimacing as the taste of alcohol spread in her mouth. Camille took another swing and finished his beer. He smiled bitterly as he set the empty bottle on the table.

“I don’t blame you. No one ever does. How can they when she looks that fucking blinding? How can they even begin to even phantom the scares she gave me?” he gave Louise a cold hard stare and she could have sworn that his eyes had glossed over with tears for a split second, “I was thirteen when she decided she wanted to die. She was twelve for god’s sake. I had never seen her so happy.” His voice broke and he laughed mirthlessly, “I can still see her face when she took my hand, a bright smile splitting her face as she told me she wanted to die. J’avais envie de vomir. I wanted to puke. This young girl, my friend had just taken my hand and told me, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, that she wanted to end her life. Can you even imagine how I felt? I mean, what the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn’t take myself to tell her that she had to live. She looked so goddamn happy at the idea that she would finally be rid of her earthly pains. She skipped all the way back to that bastard’s house humming a happy tune as she started to plan how and when she would die.”

His voice broke once again and he took in a shuddering breath before continuing his terrible tale.

“I remember coming home one day and going to our usual Rendez-Vous zone. Calliope finished school before me so she was always there when I got there and not once, in our brief years of living, had she failed to be there. That day though, I got by the pool where we had set our hideout and I called out to her. She didn’t answer. I called again, feeling fear rise in me as I ransacked the area desperately searching for a sign of her. I feared for her safety and for her life. After being certain that she wasn’t anywhere near the pool, I headed down to her home, too desperate to think rationally.

Thankfully for me, her father had decided that he was going to stay in town a little longer than usual to play a game of cards with his friends. I tore down the hill to her house and I knocked on the door. Well, knocking is a euphemism; I smashed my hand on that door till it hurt like no tomorrow. I turned around her house, searching for any entrance I could use and there I found it. One of the windows had been left slightly ajar.

Of course, I didn’t bide my time, I opened that window and fell inside that house. It stank of putrid food and dust inside. Her father didn’t clean at all and he would always eat outside, occasionally bringing back food, but rarely, so she always had to make by. I ran around that house, searching for any sign of her presence. I went upstairs and was hit by the metallic smell of blood. Panic seized me and I ran along the corridor, opening each door I could. Until I finally arrived to the last room. My hands trembled as I opened that door. I was afraid of what I would find behind it, and with good reason. What I saw turned my stomach. My lunch no longer wanted to stay inside me and I vomited right then and there, only adding to the awful smell of that house.

Inside that room, probably Calliope’s own room, the stench of blood was even stronger. She was there lying on the floor barely conscious. Her wrists were slit and she had the most blissful expression I had ever seen etched on her face. That expression sent chills down my spine. It felt almost wrong to disturb her. I stayed fixed in place, unable to make a single sound as I saw my friend lying in a pool of her own blood, the red tainting her pale hair and skin. It took me several minutes before I finally decided I had to get her to the hospital as fast as I could. Years of bad nutrition had made her exceptionally light and I didn’t struggle to get her all the way home.

You can only imagine how loud my mother screamed when she saw me arrive, covered in my friend’s blood, tears streaming down my face as I asked her calmly for help. Now that I think about it, I don’t think it was the blood that scared her the most. I think what really shook her to the core was the way I had acted so calmly. Any child my age would have screamed their head off and would probably have been unable to help. Thankfully, after her initial shock wore off, she acted efficiently. She pried Calliope off my back and gently enveloped her in a blanket to keep her temperature from plummeting. She then rushed the two of us to hospital. I was in the back, next to Pele, unable to utter a single word because of the shock I had gone through.

We arrived at the hospital in record time and my mother rushed us both to the emergency zone, Pele in her arms and me on her heels as she ran. The doctors took one look at this desperate woman and the beautiful and unconscious child in her arms and they whisked her to one of the examination rooms. I stood in the corner, watching as they analysed Calliope’s vitals and checked if she had gone in shock. Later the doctors told us that thankfully the cuts hadn’t been too deep so she hadn’t lost too much blood by the time she had arrived at the hospital. They gave me some chocolate to deal with my shock and they put me in the bed next to Calliope’s, so that she would have company when she woke up. I alone was in that room when she finally regained consciousness during the night.

I hadn’t managed to fall asleep, too scared that if I stopped listening to her breathing it would stop altogether. I was there, alone when she awoke. I alone was there when she howled in frustration at having not been able to end her life. I fell asleep to those screams and they still haunt me today. It’s so wrong that a child her age so desperately felt the need to just give up. The next morning, she had been sitting up, patiently waiting for me to wake up. She smiled at me gently and questioned me about what had happened the previous day. I can still remember the rage that had flickered across her face when I told her that I had been the one to save her.

Her father didn’t come to visit her even once. But he was there when she was finally released, a week after the whole incident. He had not looked too happy. He had demanded that my mother pay his daughter’s medical bills, saying that she had never needed all that attention and that she would have been fine if we had just left her, after all, children get hurt all the time, don’t they? Those words were thrown at us as if to justify the multiple bruises on Calliope’s body. Being the kind soul she was, my mother had complied without arguing and had watched with an almost desperate look in her eyes as she had watched that hateful man drag his unresponsive daughter back to the car and back to the place they called home. I still remember the look of betrayal she had shot me before her eyes glassed over when her father talked to her. It was her coping mechanism, shutting out all exterior attack. She still does it today as you might have witnessed.

We couldn’t prove he had done anything and even though we managed to get his house checked, the man had found a way to get it spick and span, erasing all traces of their previously unhealthy life. After that incident, he lifted his hand on Calliope less often, though when he did, he now concentrated on areas that would not be seen when she was fully clothed. This abuse continued until Calliope reached the age of 18 and she was able to gather enough money from small jobs to pay for her university tuition and the small flat she rented. It was only then that she decided to talk to me again. She had consciously decided to go to the same university as me so that I could help her around if she ever needed.

Those years studying were the happiest in her short life. She was free of her father’s control and she flourished in this scholarly atmosphere. At least that was until she noticed how people stared at her. Girls grew jealous of her natural beauty and boys fought each other for a chance to win her favours. Though this attention wasn’t in any way as bad as what her father had subjected her to, she still wanted to be regarded as normal and not be secluded for her appearance. During the course of her second year, she started to hang out with Maximillian and me a lot more than she had before. Maximillian had no interest in her, apart from as a friend and I was the person she had known and trusted for the longest time. In the end, we became inseparable. We became untouchable and we became secluded, not that either Milly or I minded; we had always been loners, unaccustomed and unused to attention. Yet Pele felt guilty, she felt as though she was bringing us down with her and that her presence was making people set us apart. She tried to bail on us. She tried to break down the group we had created. But we didn’t give in. we understood that she was suffering in her silent way and we refused to let her go. In a way, I think she was thankful in her own awkward way, but she still struggled to open up. At least she had a place to call home now.

Milly and I graduated a year earlier than she did but we kept in contact and she was doing so much better. The two of us moved to England and we accomplished both our dreams; I took over my grandfather’s antique shop and Milly opened the café e had been talking about all the time. Everything was going fine. That is until Pele decided she wanted to move to England so that she could enjoy our presence. There was one hitch to her plan; she had no financial stability and no job here. I couldn’t take her in because my grandfather was still living with me and Milly was living with his aunt and uncle. So here Pele was, lost in London, hopelessly alone. At this point, she knew her father had started a new life in London. She had lost all contact with her mother after that woman had disappeared from her life when she was twelve. So she did something that would have seemed logical for the most of us, but for her was almost unthinkable; she called the bastard and asked him to house her until she got a stable job and enough money to rent a flat.”

Camille sat back, his monologue visibly draining him.

“And he complied. He was happy to. His stress reliever was finally back, how could he say no? Pele told me that she was old enough and mature enough to deal with the detestable man. And I believed her. I should have pressured my grandfather into accepting her here. She would have been safe. I should have known that she wasn’t prepared to meet her father again. But she went there, he was her only known relation and he could help her.”

He snorted.

“Help is a big word, but Calliope really felt the need to be closer to Milly and me so she jumped on the opportunity. You know the rest of the story, her father beat her again. And she’s closed herself off again. There’s not much we can do really. Her father is a very violent man and if we tried to help her, he would probably beat us up too. Anyway, Pele would probably despise us forever if we even thought of helping her. I told you how it ended with me. It could be the same this time around, only this time she has prior experience in wrist slitting and things would probably not end up as nicely as last time.”

Louise found herself relaxing as he finished his story, unconsciously she had tensed up. She still held the beer bottle in her now trembling hand and she finished it in hopes that it could help her process her thoughts better. It did not. On fact it probably made her feel worse. Her stomach fell to the pit of her heels and she laughed nervously the way humans do when they don’t how they’re supposed to react in a given situation. This was after all a lot of information to process in one go and it was getting really late, or really early depending on your point of view. It really wasn’t the best time to explain such a complicated situation.

“What do you think I should do now? Pele’s at my flat and I have no idea how I should act. I don’t know if I’ll be able to face her tonight…”

“Well good thing you’re staying over then. It’s a lot to take in. I’ll give you some space, I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me.”

Louise simply blinked and Camille got up, clearing away their beer bottles as he headed to his bedroom. He turned around quickly.

“By the way, in case you were worried, my grandfather’s not here today, he went on a trip a few days ago with some friends of his. Take all your time to think.”

And with that he left her alone with her thoughts.

For several minutes Louise found herself unable to think. She sat there in the quiet, her mind struggling to process the information that had been dumped onto her. She gradually relaxed and a few tears escaped down her cheeks. They weren’t tears of sadness, at least not hers, she was mourning her friend. She was mourning the childhood her friend had ceded to that horrible man who dared to call himself her father. Tears continued to escape her but she found herself unable to lift a hand to wipe them off. She was a sight for sorry eyes, sitting there, legs against her chest, one arm loosely draped around them the other hanging limp by her side. Her face was expressionless and her eyes were glassy. The only hint of life was those tears.

Several more minutes were needed for her to finally feel able to move along. She got up, every part of her body aching as she moved to the closest window she had access to. She let herself fall to the floor by that window and watched London, still active even in the dead of the night. Calliope’s description of London had made her unable to see this great city as anything other than lonely. One could walk for miles and still feel alone and lost. If you didn’t know anyone or anything here, you were bound to feel lost. That was probably how her friend had felt when she had first arrived here. She had expected to be able to count on her friends, but circumstance had thrown her out on the streets of London, hopelessly alone. The best solution she had been able to find had been pretty awful and that kind of situation was bound to change someone’s view of this city. Most people who said London was a great place hadn’t experienced half of what this slight girl had lived. It was only natural that she had come to despise this city.

Louise sorrowed for her friend. There was not much else to do. She couldn’t just go up to her and just give her a hug. A hug wouldn’t be enough to relieve her friend of that weight. She needed Calliope to take the first step if she wanted to help her in any way. All she could do for now was act like she always had, any change in her personality would probably hurt her friend more than help her. Louise glanced at the empty space beside her and she could almost see Calliope’s soft smile. That smile made her hurt even more; it hid years of agonising pain that people could not even begin to imagine. That smile was full of understanding and kindness. It made people want to crumble and spill their life story onto her lap as she gently comforted them.

Louise wrapped her arms around herself, still feeling the almost motherly warmth of Calliope’s hug. Like her smile, that hug had been so kind it almost made her sick. Why were the people who had been the hurt the most the kindest? They understand exactly what you’re feeling since they’ve already felt it and a million times worse. This world was so cruel and cold. Nobody had been there to extend a hand out to help that poor girl. And the hand that had come had come too late; she had been already been broken by the years of suffering that weighed down on her. Louise hurt. She hurt so bad, but she felt guilty for hurting that much. She was now too awfully conscious that this pain was nothing next to the physical and mental pain her friend had to bear in her everyday life. Even getting up in the morning must have been draining. How can one even imagine getting up to the same hell?

These thoughts ran across Louise’s mind as dawn lit up the horizon. A hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality and she turned around to see Camille’s grim face.

“I think you should head back. It’s a workday today, just head back home, take a shower and just go to work. Don’t think too much about Pele, she’ll probably be gone by the time you get back; she hates to be alone.”

“Thanks so much, Camille, for everything.”

He smiled and patted her on the shoulder before helping her up.

“Anytime really, don’t hesitate to come over if anything happens.”

“Will do.”

And there ended their conversation before Louise headed out. She simply gathered her stuff, waved goodbye to Camille and left.

She walked briskly back to her house, eager to get out of these streets she could now only see as desolate. When she arrived there, she did as Camille had told her to do; she took a shower. Surprisingly enough, it seemed to wash away the weight that had been placed on her shoulders, it also made her feel peaceful and relaxed. She stayed under the running water for about an hour, enjoying the way it slid down her face and back, creating a deafening noise in her ears. Once she felt cleansed enough, Louise stepped out and dried herself out; before getting into some fresh clothes. She felt clean and though tired, ready to head off to work. She drank her usual morning tea and grabbed her work bag before leaving. As Camille had warned, there were no more traces of Calliope’s presence; it was as though she had vanished in thin air and Louise sure hoped that her friend wasn’t planning on disappearing for another four months.

Her day passed fast. She managed to do all the work she had piled up these last few weeks, small tasks that usually didn’t take too long, but she had pushed them back as far as she could since she didn’t trust herself to do anything right. Her colleagues congratulated her and jokingly welcomed her back, saying they finally recognised the employee who had crushed them with her skills on her first week. She had laughed along with them, but she did in fact feel like a new person. Yes, she felt heavier, but it was a weight she had now grown accustomed to.

Since she had managed to clear out all the work she had accumulated, Louise allowed herself to leave a little bit earlier. She hummed softly as she walked quickly back to her flat, still unaccustomed to the new way she saw these streets that had been so familiar just the day before. It didn’t take her long to get home and drop all her stuff in its usual corner. She was about to walk away and continue with the rest of her day when something caught her eye. She leaned forward to examine whatever was there and much to her surprise, she found a folded sheet of paper addressed to her. When she opened it, her heart fell and she felt sick in the stomach. The first word was enough to make her mind reel.

‘Goodbye Louise,

I’m sorry to just cut ties like this, but I’ve already caused everyone enough harm. I dropped by Camille’s earlier this day and he informed me that he told you everything. Everything is a big word but there’s not much else to say is there. So here you are, you know the story. You know my story. And you probably feel bad. Don’t. Don’t feel bad. There’s nothing you could do. Most of it is in the past and right now, I have to live with my father. I can’t crash at Camille’s full time and for some reason Milly’s aunt and uncle hate me. And most of all, I wouldn’t want to impose, so don’t ask me to stay at your place. I only have a few more months and I’ll finally be able to cut all ties with that father of mine.

Please don’t worry about me. I can take all of this. I have to. I will construct myself alone and any exterior help isn’t needed. I’m so sorry I dragged you into this mess, I really didn’t. I wanted to push you away. I didn’t want to involve another person in this messed up life of mine. I’m already dragging Milly and Camille down, my conscious can’t take additional weight. It’s better if we just part ways now before we become too involved with each other. Don’t look for me. I’ve asked Camille to make sure you don’t find out where I am.

Ever since I was young, I’ve yearned for a girlfriend. I had Camille but it’s different. There are many things you can do between girls that you can’t do with guys. I wish we’d met earlier, maybe you could have helped me. Maybe things would have turned out different… But I refuse to tempt fate. I have to let go of you now before I become more attached than I am. I’m so sorry. I wish I had ignored you that November day. At least then it wouldn’t have been so painful to say goodbye.

Lou, you were really a dream come true. Everyone deserves a friend that cares as much as you do. I’ve been blessed by you three. You were more than I ever deserved. Why did you all have to care for me? It would have been so much easier if you were just mean. I don’t want to disappear Lou. With you, I felt like I could actually power through life. But now you’re too implicated. Why couldn’t you just respect the distance I wanted to put between us? Why did you have to care so much? Why did I have to care so much? there are so many unanswered questions and not enough time to answer them all.

Please continue going to Milly’s café, I know how much you love that place. I’ll just not go to make sure we don’t accidentally meet and make this whole thing even harder than it already is. Please continue being friends with Milly and Camille they’ve both grown very fond of you, you know… It would kill me to know that I was the one to separate them from a friend they cared so much about.

I’m so sorry Louise, I really wanted things to work out differently. Maybe we’ll meet again in ten years’ time and we’ll be able to be friends again. I really hope so.

With you and the boys, I finally felt like I belonged. I no longer felt the need to die. I wanted every moment to stand still, none of us growing old or growing apart. If we lived in a perfect world, I would have loved to spend all my days with you. Amongst the people I love and care so much about.

Thank you, Louise, for giving me some of your time. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for being there when I was lost in London. Thank you for finding me.

And now, goodbye my dearest friend.

                                Calliope’

Louise crumpled the letter and felt the immediate need to hurl it as far away as she could. As they said, out of sight, out of mind. She wanted to deny the whole situation, she wanted to run away far away from this place where her heart was so easily toyed with. What else was she supposed to do, simply accept this reality where her friend decided to disappear on her once again, but this time for forever because she just felt like she would hurt her? This was what was hurting her the most, this letter seeking to deny all the time they had spent together.

Louise tottered to her sofa, bumping into various along her way as the tears that threatened to fall obscured her vision. She had cried a lot during the past months, something she hadn’t done in so long. After all, it isn’t often that people were taken on such an emotional rollercoaster. Anyone who would have embarked on the same journey would probably have cried at least as much as she had. There wasn’t much else to do. Someone landed into your life, made themselves a space in your heart and then tried to pull away, wrenching your heart apart and trying to tear themselves back out. And you were just expected to be okay with it. and yet there was nothing else to do. All you could do was sit back and watch them tread all over you, taking a piece of you as they left. You were then expected to get along with your life as though nothing had happened.

That was exactly what Louise did. She tried to talk to Camille and then Maximillian in turn. Both of them had gazed at her with sorrowful eyes before shaking their heads softly, offering only comfort but no precision on Calliope’s location. Louise had tried everything she could think of; pleading, shouting, even threats. All she had managed to extract from them was a sad chuckle as they gave her the same answer; Calliope had told them not to tell, so they respected her wishes. As she had during the months Calliope had disappeared, Louise fell into a spiral of despair. She felt so completely and utterly powerless and defeated that she struggled to get up every day and head off for work, trying to act as though everything was completely fine in her life.

Some days she would find herself wishing that she had indeed never met Calliope, at least then she wouldn’t have felt this awful. These thoughts brought her shame whenever she realised she was thinking them. She prided herself in having been Calliope’s friend while she had been able to. The pride was all she had to hold on to now that her friend had vanished from her life, this time for good. She held onto it with all the strength she could muster and it helped her get through her monotonous day to day life. Thankfully she still had Camille and Milly to rely on though they wouldn’t tell her were Calliope was. They were already more than she could ask. So she coped with her new life as she could, grasping onto whatever she could. She felt like a fish out of water, ill-adapted to the situation she was in.

A month passed by like that and July walked in slowly bringing along the bittersweet heat that surrounds summer. Louise didn’t even want to make an effort anymore. She spent her weekends lying on her sofa, watching whatever show seemed interesting enough. It was her way of coping. She simply shut out anything that could hurt her and filled her days with activities to avoid thinking about Calliope. July turned into August and Louise seemed more and more backwards compared to the rest of the world. She didn’t even notice her behavioural change. Camille and Maximillian had decided that they needed to give her some time and space so she could piece herself back together alone. And like that they disappeared too, leaving Louise more and more alone. As September came by Louise’s life had started to crumble around her. She had isolated herself from all the people who had cared about her and she worked less and less efficient at work, resulting in many complaints from her colleagues who had thought she was heading down the right path.

In bed, Louise would think about where she had gone wrong. She would find herself thinking about Calliope and a few tears would escape her and she would fall asleep like that, wallowing in her own despair.

One September day, Louise had been sitting on her couch watching her usual shows when her doorbell had rung. At first, she had ignored it, thinking some drunken person had pressed on the wrong one and that she wouldn’t be bothered again. a few minutes later, her doorbell rang again and this time Louise started to worry. Lately, people hadn’t come to visit her, so she had no idea who to expect at the door. A third ring finally forced her up and she made her way to the door, peering through the peephole to see who had come to visit her. To her surprise, she was greeted by Camille’s silhouette. The way he glanced around nervously persuaded her to open the door.

“What do you want?” she asked unkindly.

He frowned and she noticed how unusually dishevelled her looked. This man was usually well dressed and without a hair out of place yet here he was, standing in front of her with an impaired outfit and messy hair. His eyes were wide with an emotion close to distress swirling inside them.

“Louise, just grab a coat, I’ll explain along the way. We have to hurry up.”

The urgency in his voice convinced her something was wrong. Her first thought went to Maximillian but her second thought distraught her as much as it gladdened her. Maybe all of this was linked in some way or another with Calliope. The thought worried her and she slipped into her coat before leaving her flat behind her. She followed this man she called her friend down many different streets until she realised why each turn had felt so familiar. Her heart dropped as they took the last turn and found themselves in front of a huge white building. A hospital.

Louise stopped in her tracks, unable to tear her eyes away from the immaculate purity of this building and its implications. Like she had these past few months, she wanted to run away screaming and deny this painful reality of hers that seemed to go out of its way to kick her as low as it possibly could. Camille turned around, not hearing his friend’s footsteps behind him. The vision of Louise standing there, unable to move forward brought a twinge in his chest. He moved closer to her and brought her into a tight embrace.

“Lou, we need to go, Pele needs us.” He whispered softly as he stroked her hair.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough…” she choking, bile rising in her throat.

“Louise, you are one of the bravest people I know, come on, Milly’s already there, we can’t leave him alone for too long, it would be unfair.”

She nodded into his chest as her shoulders trembled while she struggled for breath. Camille took her hand and gave it a squeeze. He held onto it as they passed the hospital doors. He held onto it as her breath came in laboured gasps. He held onto it as he spoke politely with the secretary, telling her they were coming to visit their friend. She pointed them down a corridor and he nodded at her, his trembling lips doing their best to give her a smile. He continued to hold Louise’s as they walked down that seemingly endless corridor.  They paused in front of room 105 before entering.

The room was small but clean. Clean was an understatement, this room seemed devoid of anything that could make it comfortable. There were a few chairs, the bed where Calliope lay in the middle, a table and a small TV. When the door opened, Milly lifted his head and a small twinkle appeared in his eyes. That twinkle, and the slight smile that accompanied it, fell when he saw Louise’s gaze fixed on the person lying on the bed before them. As she had in front of the hospital, she stood still, eyes wide, unable to comprehend the situation before her. Milly got up and gave her a quick hug before sitting her down on one of the many chairs.

“It’s actually not as bad as it seems.” he offered.

Camille shot him a glare and kneeled before Louise, grasping her hand.

“Pele came to visit me yesterday. And let’s just say that she wasn’t’ exactly in a very good state when she arrived at my door. The doctors actually think it’s nothing short of a miracle that she actually managed to drag herself across town, in the dead of night, and in the sorry state she was in, until my door. She collapsed on the floor of my living room after assuring me that she was completely fine. The swelling’s gone down today, but she was a sore sight yesterday. I’ll spare you the details. Initially, I hadn’t been worried since she had always been prone to fainting spells, but after a while of her not waking up, I worried and decided it was better to get her to hospital. So I called Milly to help me since he’s much stronger than me.” the two men laughed without joy, an awkward and odd sound in this too white room, “You should have seen how he looked at me. He spared no time and whisked Pele off the sofa where I had laid her and we rushed to the hospital.”

He motioned for Maximillian to continue.

“So we got her here and the doctor took one look at her before bringing us to one of those emergency rooms. They quickly checked her and concluded that she had several bruises all over her body, but more worrying of all, her brain had started to swell and they needed to immediately release the pressure or she might not make it.”

His voice broke and Louise was unable to attain more information. Camille and Maximillian sat down next to her. They waited in silence for several more minutes before Camille finally continued.

“They’re saying she’ll probably wake up during the week, but they have no idea whether or not there’s going to be any damage. All we can do is wait now.”

Silence ensued and they sat there motionless. Louise was now breathing normally but it still felt as though she had something stuck in her throat. It took her a while to remember that she was supposed to be at work today. She excused herself and called her boss. She explained the fine lines of her situation, unwilling to go into too much depth, and asked if she could take the week off. Her boss had sighed and he had told her that she could take her week, however, he was expecting her to go back to her perfectionist ways so that she could get work done. Unsurprisingly she had agreed and thanked him for his patience.

She went back inside the room and noticed Maximillian had disappeared.

“Where’s Milly gone?”

“He had to…” he thought for a second, “He had to go to his café, he has some regulars so he can’t leave it closed all day unannounced.”

She nodded and sat back down. There was nothing they could do but wait now.

After a few hours of silence, Louise went back home to get her necessities after having asked the doctors if she could stay. When she had come back to the room where Calliope lay, Camille had also left, leaving a note behind saying that he would come back the following day. Louise was here alone, but she didn’t feel too bad actually. Once she had come over the initial shock of finding her friend in a hospital bed, she had come to terms with the situation. This time she had alone was time she could exploit and use to catch up with things she hadn’t been able to do since she had graduated from university. Louise decided to write.

In her youth, she had taken several writing classes and had actually managed to place in the occasional short story competition. This passion had soon died out; she had realised that she would probably never be good enough and that idea had destroyed her. She had spent quite a few weeks where when she would come back home from school, she would lay on her bed and do nothing; writing had been her only joy and now she felt as though it had failed her. Time had enabled her to deal with this disappointment, but even today she found herself almost scared to sit down in front of her computer and write.

This situation however had left her with the need to express herself and almost unconsciously she had slipped her computer in her bag before leaving home. She sat in that white room gazing at her friend’s purplish arm as she started to write. She didn’t write to recount what she had gone through, that would have made no sense and there was no way anyone could have understood. She wrote to Calliope, everything she had been unable to say.

She wrote day and night, feeling time flow by slowly as words were added to her document. It didn’t take her long to reach ten pages and they quickly turned to twenty pages as she poured her heart out. The words flossed smoothly, Louise had never felt this elated in her life, she had always wished for words to come that easily to her and here she was, writing for her friend in such an effortless manner. She would barely notice when her friends would come around to stay by Calliope’s side for a few hours before leaving again.

During the day the words came to her continuously leaving her unable to keep her eyes open when night fell. She would sleep like a log, oblivious to her surroundings. She spent all her time at the hospital, scarcely even having time to do anything apart write, sleep and eat while she stayed there. Time passed slowly; Calliope had been accompanied by Camille and Maximillian on a Tuesday and she awoke on the night from Friday to Saturday.

As she had every other night, Louise had fallen asleep on her chair. She was roused from her sleep by a scream followed by peals of laughter. Her eyes had flickered open and she had been greeted by her friend’s figure in the moonlight. Calliope was sitting up and she seemed to be staring at her hands. That was until Louise noticed how glassy and unfocused her pale blue eyes were. Calliope moved her hands in front of her face, twisting them around while a huge grin split her face. As Louise got to her feet, her chair scraped on the floor with an ear wrenching screech. It made her friend jump and turn in her direction.

“Pele… Your eye? Can’t you see?” asked Louise, her voice barely a whisper.

Calliope nodded, her smile not leaving her face.

“Oh Lou, you don’t know how happy I am! I’m finally rid of this body of mine.”

Louise stood there, shock plainly was written on her face, she wouldn’t understand her friend’s lack of reaction at the loss of her sight. As she observed her friend, she noticed that there was a slight tremor on her lips, signifying that her friend was trying to keep her feelings inside her.

Louise rushed to her friend’s side and pulled her in a tight embrace. Calliope didn’t protest and didn’t push her away.

“Lou, I’m fine, really.” she offered.

Louise shook her head, simply hugging her friend tighter as a single tear slid down her cheek.

“Louise… don’t cry…” murmured Calliope, her voice growing weaker.

“I’ll cry for you if I have to.”

Louise finally felt her friend start to shake. She relaxed her arms and drew Calliope closer to her, stroking her hair softly as the pale girl finally started to cry. They sat like that for what could have seemed an eternity. The moonlight doused them with its soft light as the years caught up with Calliope. She shook with every breath she took in and Louise realised that all she could do now was wait for her friend to pick herself back up. They would get through together, but Calliope had to take the first step. It was now her turn to act.

Minutes passed before Calliope’s breathing became more even and she softly pushed Louise away, wiping the rest of her tears with the back of her hand.

“I…” she started before her words hitched in her throat forcing her to start again, “I always thought the only solution was dying. I don’t understand, it always seemed like the best option. But when I went back home after going to your house, he was never the same. Simply walking in front of the TV would make him angry and he would beat me up… When this happened, I came back “too late” from Camille’s house, as he put it. He told me I was like my mother and that I was a disgrace. He swore at me and I thought that would be the end of it...” she laughed weakly, “Boy was I wrong. I walked away too early, he hadn’t finished his lecture. He saw red and grabbed the first thing that fell in his hands to beat me with it. I was really unlucky, this time it was one of those poles you use for Billard. And he hit me.” She shivered and Louise put a comforting arm around her shoulders, “I thought I was going to die.” she laughed mirthlessly again, “The worst part is that I wasn’t happy at the idea that I could die. I had thought it was my only solution and here I was, trying to escape his blows as I realised I didn’t want to end up like that. Do you even realise Lou, think about it, you spend your whole life convinced you to know the answer to all your problems and one day you just…” she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence as a tear rolled down her cheek, “I thought I knew what I wanted. But even that was wrong. I thought about Milly. I thought about Camille. I thought about you, Louise. I realised I had so much. It’s scary that you only realise you have so much to lose when you’re about to lose it. So I did what I could, I curled in a ball and waited for him to grow bored. Then I somehow managed to get myself to Camille’s place before collapsing. And now I’m here.”

She lowered her head, her silver-blonde hair falling in front of her face. Louise took her friend’s chin and lifted it gently. She gazed at this person she had learned to love. She gazed into her eyes and saw all the sorrow and pain they harboured. The moonlight gave her skin a silver sheen as they sat there, time suspended.

It was at that moment that Louise realised that what she had interpreted as love had actually been a need to help this fragile creature. Within her heart was a deep pool of affection for this being but it wasn’t love. Calliope was a friend to her and would always be. It had taken her so long to realise but now that she saw it, it seemed so painfully obvious. Calliope’s disappearances had crushed her because unconsciously she had realised that she needed this person to walk by her side if she wanted to feel secure. The idea of losing Calliope’s friendship had been more than she could take and that was what had weighed her conscious during those months of absence.

She tilted her friend’s head and gently wiped away the tears that had escaped her eyes with a tenderness she hadn’t thought herself capable of.

“Lou, I don’t want to be blind…” she whispered.

“I know, Pele. We’ll get through this, I promise.”

Tears flowed out of Calliope’s eyes once again and she scrunched her face as she sobbed.

“I want to see colours, I want to see what you look like... Lou, I don’t know if I can take not seeing the world. I finally escaped that bastard, but he’s still managed to curse me.” she cried.

Louise got up and kneeled beside her friend’s bed, grasping her hand tight as she spoke.

“We’ll get through this Pele, we will. We’ve got you now. We’ll take care of you. it’ll be fine now.” she murmured softly.

Calliope didn’t answer, she simply nodded as she hid her face in her free hand, continuing to sob.

“It’s time for a new beginning.”

“Yes.” Was Calliope’s barely audible answer.