Life is weird Rhylin, my son. Life gives you so many challenges, and our purpose is to overcome.
By far however, the hardest challenge I've faced, was watching you come into this world. I still have nightmares. The struggle leading up to your delivery, and the delivery itself...I could never forget that, even if I wanted to...
When your mother and I learned that we were expecting, we were ecstatic. Our first Child together, this was the best moment of our lives, at least it felt like it...But after going to the first appointment, we received bad news. Your Embryotic sack was surrounded by blood, and the doctors didn't know what to think.
Each appointment we went to, we were met with more bad news. And it seemed like it just kept getting worse the more news we received, and crying in the parking lot at the doctors for about 15 minuets was kind of a ritual. Eventually our doctor sent us to a specialist and we found out you had Hydrocephalus, a rare disease that causes spinal fluid to build up in the skull. After a few visits, they were convinced you were going to die a few minuets after birth, due to a Mengiocele on the back of your head. Basically Spinal fluid build up so much in your head it started coming out the back. They even started setting up palliative care for you, and gave us a team of councilors...And they were a good team. I even convinced myself that, maybe it was meant to be that you were leaving before you got to live, its a dirty world. I hated myself for not pushing for an abortion at the first sign of trouble.
I hated myself even more for having those thoughts. My Son, being born, and than living long enough for me to say I love you. How, could I, the guy who could barley see a dead animal, stand to see you, my son, dead. The thought...was damn unbearable.
The day your mother was supposed to go into surgery for her C-Section, that was a rough day. She couldn't eat for 12 hours before her surgery, So your Daddy, being the sweet
and loving daddy I am, went and got her Canes chicken before her surgery, so after she could eat. Well at 7A.M. When it was time for you to arrive, we were broken and lost at this point, on auto pilot. Waiting patiently for the time to come, and you know how it goes. They say 7A.M. but it was really like 0730. When the Nurse Finally walked in, she met us with bad news. They wanted to wait another 8 hours before delivery (it ended up being almost 24 hour later). Now On top of everything going on, we have to wait even longer to get you out. Were thinking your going to be dead on delivery, so we just wanted you out. Why are we waiting! Apparently the doctor who was supposed to do the surgery wasn't there...Wait WHAT? "It's ok tho" they said "the Head of OB is going to be doing our surgery."
Well crap, Now mommy cant eat. We were frustrated. PISSED. Your Mommy, being 39 Weeks Pregnant, and have not eaten for over 12 hours, and being told she had to wait
longer.....yeah....you can only imagine.
But if we didn't wait, you wouldn't have been here.
your mommy and I didn't sleep well that night, and well, every other night leading up to this wasn't any easier. Especially because the bed/chair I was in was broken. Maybe it was more comfortable broken, idk. Truth is, I really didn't care. I didn't sleep at all, Just closed my eyes, tried my hardest NOT to cry loud, so your mommy could sleep. I must have laid there for hours, and probably didn't even realize that your mommy wasn't sleeping either.
At some point the door opened and the lights came on. A doctor and a nurse I have never seen before came in, and I wont ever forget this moment for as long as I live. A young man, standing at the foot of the bed was talking to mommy. I'm in a Daze, not slept in days, I just hear the doctor say at some point
"I don't know what their talking about, I look at the pictures, I know I can do this" I'm half asleep, trying to register what he just said. "It looks to me like it'll be routine, as long as not too much brain matter leaks from his head" WHAT!? literally moments before her surgery, this random doctor, maybe a little older than me, comes in and throws our world right side up again. I'm wide awake at this point. Like I just got a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart. I stand up, I feel like I'm ready to take on the world and see you my boy.
Standing outside the delivery room, I'm not aloud in until they say so. Idk what's going on behind this door though. I'm nervous, people are everywhere and I really cant hear a thing. I'm bouncing. Eventually the door opens and they called me in. I see your mommy on the table, there's a curtain up, so I can only see her head...and a bunch of doctors and nurses running around. They point to a chair by mommy's head, and I sit down. I don't know what to do with myself, So I just watch mommy. I have never loved anyone so much in my life until that moment. Seeing her, being so strong on that table. FIGHTING to bring you into this world. I was so proud of her. I wanted to kiss her so bad. Knowing I cant I just put my hand on her head and (baby cries)
You were here, The doctor spanked you and laughed at the cry...I cried. I cried so hard. I didn't know what to do. I broke down. He's CRYING. He's alive I thought. They handed you directly to me. Had me cut the cord. And I was so happy. I looked down at you, and saw the most beautiful boy in the world. All these dreams and goals began rushing through my head. I wonder who are you, who your going to be. what kind of relationship we will build as father and son. I was so excited. I cant wait for mommy to see you.
than the realization of the moment strikes me hard, and I see fluid running down my arm, most likely with small pieces of your brain in it. My soul leaves me. I realize there is a cloth on the back of your head
that was blocking the Mengiocele, and I had accidently moved it while they handed you to me. I turn to the nurse, and yell "Hey he's Leaking" And I had to say it 3 times before he heard me. When he did, he just bent down and moved the towel, then went back to what he was doing.
My sons brain is leaking on me...and you turn away.
Please, be here for mommy to meet you.
The next few hours are kind of a blur, I know they pulled me back into this strange room, and then eventually we went back to our room. The doctor, Doctor Hanak discussed some of the procedures that you would face. They were scary, but he talked about them like they were easy. I really didn't know what to think at this point, On one hand, we have basically 9 months of bad news, where all we heard was how we were going to "lose the baby". On the other hand, we have a doctor saying he's going to save you. My Father and Grandfather were both victims to ignorance in the medical field, how can I trust this doctor.
But someone is willing to save your life. That's a chance I have to take.
I remember walking you up to the surgery room. The entire way, the surgery team is talking to me about how good our neurosurgeon is. Somewhere on that walk, I found hope. I had to. I couldn't bare to lose you. I just couldn't. having to walk away from you, and leave you with those surgeons was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And your daddy has had to go through a lot in life.
Your mom and I, sat in our room, waiting for you to get out of surgery. It was the longest wait of our lives, and all we had to do to pass time, was cry. After a few hours that felt like days, Dr. Hanak walked in. He told us the surgery was a success. And Rhylin my boy, you were ok.
We spent a week in the hospital while you were in the NICU, recovering from your surgeries. While everything was amazing and life was absolutely perfect. More bad news followed. We were to expect you to have seizures, as well as numerous issues, Spina Bifida one of them. After mommy was discharged, we were able to stay in the Ronald McDonalds House, except daddy had to sleep outside in the car the first night. But eventually we were all able to come home. Together. Something that was NOT expected...We had bought all the things a baby needs, but I didn't build anything. I didn't think I needed to.
The months leading up till now, have been hard. Watching you have seizures, the constant headaches you must get from having hydrocephalus. And well, lets be honest, I don't know what else. Your a baby, you cant tell me. Finding work has been impossible. I've lost 3 jobs due to emergencies that happen over and over and over again. One thing after another, and eventually I cant defend my actions anymore. Places I loved to work, I can no longer work for, I guess I've kind of given up on working for anyone else other than myself, and because I cant work, bills don't get paid, thank god for the stimulus checks, they literally fed our family. As hard as it got though, I'm happier than I've been in a long time but that doesn't change the fact I have to be a man and provide for this family in what ever way I possibly can. So, I had an idea. Do something I always wanted to do, but this time, actually do it. I'm going to start a business, that eventually will become so much more.
You see Rhylin, When I said I wanted to change the world...I meant it. I ran out of my mom being a defiant little child. But I noticed at a very young age what struggle looked like. I didn't like it, and swore that one day, I wouldn't see anyone else go through what my parents had to. What I learned through growing up however...I had it really good. Which frustrated me even more because there are a lot of those who DO NOT have it good. Knowing that my parents struggled to meet ends meet. My dad selling so much just to provide Christmas for us kids...and we had it good? And there are people worse off? people that cant even eat everyday. Why?
Now 30. I'm at the end of the road. How do I provide for my family, while taking care of my son. It seems like my life has been heading to this one moment in time. Change the world, or die trying. Not just for you and your siblings Rhylin. But for all children. All parents of those children. And all those who hope to have children in the future.
Right now my son, The business is small. Only a few people are helping put this together, and our product is limited to hand crafted designs on T-shirts with Vinyl, as well as bumper stickers and a few other things. Our hope, is to get a T-shirt printing machine, so we can print on the shirts, and make it much more efficient. Once we get our name and our brand out there, I want to expand into many different fields. Medical being the main industry, not only furthering medical technology and science, in hopes we can break the walls down on cancer, but also help children like you my boy. I want to further studies into medical marijuana, and maybe find new ways of using it in an industrial setting.
Opening my own charity for any type of crises or problem is also one of my goals. I want to help pay patients medical bills, as well as help clean up the wreckage from a natural disaster. I want to do real good in this world. And I think you and your brothers will learn to do the same in watching daddy and mommy do so. And maybe we can teach others the same thing, and get real change in this world.
But to do these things, we need funding. Getting a business license now and days is almost impossible without the funds to show you can run a business. And finding people to invest in you is also extremely hard. So I'm turning to the internet, and all the amazing people of the world, I'm asking for donations to help get this started. I'm asking the world to show support to a cause that will turn around and support them when they or their loved ones need it most. I'm asking the world to show me, that through all these dark time we've faced, there is still light in this world.
With your help, I will try everything in my power to make sure my sons life is stable first and foremost.
I will be able to supply the business with the proper machine's needed to put out quality work.
Third, I will invest what ever is left, to further this business, to meet the goals of my business, so I can eventually start making actual change in the world, through putting patents on inventions meant to help anyone fight their battles.
Not only by investing in me, will it help my son, but it will also help bring a better tomorrow
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-baby-rhylin