With only a glance of an eye, that's how it all started.

Before that night, I was just a simple girl from a small town with very little sometimes no expectations at all. Living life with the same routine but different days. Little did I know that only one night could change all that. The same routine I had every day led me to him. Just a simple black , two sugared coffee across the road and the entire course of my existence changed. When I got to the cafe, there he was across the counter. He was the most perfect thing I've ever seen. The only thing that made sense in the room. With only a stare into his perfectly shaded blue eyes, I lost not only my speech but also my breath. I even forgot what I came to the cafe for. How can one be with no flaw. It took the banging of a table by Jimmy, the waiter for me to snap out of it.

- Rosaline, what should I get you? -

- Uhm... the usual -

I couldn't even comprehend a word that came out of my mouth.

- Are you okay Rose? - asked Jimmy.

The only thing I did was stare at Jimmy as I was trying to adjust to the rhythm of my speeding heart.

- Ow-kay, I'll leave you to your la - la - land - said Jimmy as he was walking away from me.

I then whispered to myself - What is happening to me? -

- I think you're having a cardiac arrest -

This was an unfamiliar voice coming from above my head. When I lifted my head, it was him. The man across the counter.

- Hi, I'm Tyrone. Do you mind if I sit? -

Before I could even answer, he had already invited himself. Should I say that was the beginning of my dream or my terror? Because he noticed me staring and decided to be a gentleman that he was and introduce himself. I could've stood up and left when I felt my body defying gravity and allowing me to float in the perfect world of happy endings that I created in my head, but I didn't. Instead, I was stunned, blown away by such beauty. The human form of sublimity right in front of me. I was blown away by how perfect a creature from one's labor can be. I couldn't understand the words he uttered, I just froze , staring at his lips as he spit out words that sounded like a melody in my ears. I have never been the one to not have what to say, but that night, a new me might've been born by his charisma.

At the end of the night he walked me home across the street, wind was blowing against the hairs of his sterling skin, his shirt moving in the motion of the wind, revealing his manly figures. Leaving me romanticizing of resting my form on his. The only thing I caught in his natter was none other than endearment.

- I enjoyed our coffee date -

- I enjoyed too... - After a minute of digesting what he just said, my senses got back.

- Wait, did you just say we had a date? -

- I mean, what do you call two people having a dozen cups of coffee and enjoying each other's company? -

?I call them just that, two people having coffee and enjoying each other's company -

He then moved closer to me and I couldn't even move back. I don't think I wanted to move back. He then whispered in my ear...

- I call it a date -

I could feel the warmth of his breath against my neck, the ripples his waves made when colliding with my skin. He then moved back and said - Goodnight Rosaline - When he vacated my doorstep , how could've I have told him that I wanted him to stay? How could've I have told him my lady modus operandi were nowhere to be found. When the only word I could utter without splutter was - Goodnight - . I couldn't watch him leave, but it felt though as my legs were suddenly heavy that I couldn't lift them from the doorstep. He didn't even look back on his departure from my acquaintance, was it because he felt my gawk? The moment he disappeared into those tall dusty buildings, was when I came back from wonderland.

I opened my door and as per usual, Randy, my cat ran to welcome me. Today I was tired so we called it a night after watching our favorite show, Seinfeld. The only thing on my mind when going to bed was how he looked into my eyes. The kind of affection I have never had an insight to. I may had not said much, but the monolog he had was just as important as the morning talks I have with Randy when begging him to eat his breakfast. That's how I knew it was love. Was it at first sight, or did it take me fantasizing about him to realize I loved him? Only time can answer that question.

I fell asleep with him on my mind, and the only time I realized I dozed off was when my 5 o'clock alarm went off, and I knew it was that time of the day again. Time to go through the same talk I have with Randy.

- Randy I can't keep on doing this with you every morning -

- meowww! -

Is this even necessary? Even with Randy's usual tantrums, today was different because I wasn't dropping off him at Nana, the petsitter. That wasn't the only different thing about that morning, I also realized that I was sick. A circumstance of infrequent. Could it be that I was lovesick, but how will I know as I've never fallen in love before. I just knew I wanted him near me, but that's something I could never have as the only thing I knew about him was that he took my heart. Even if I tried looking for him, where was I going to start? Because he just disappeared into the darkness with no direction.

I spent the entire day with Randy petting him while we were bingewatching Seinfeld. I remember that afternoon I couldn't eat as I didn't want to hurt the butterflies in my stomach. The only thing I did was blush as I ruminate my entity with his. That's how head over heels I was for a guy I couldn't be more sure if I would ever cross paths with again.

Before I knew it, I had my siesta together with Randy. The next thing I heard was a knock from afar. I made my way with my blurry vision to open the door. There he was, in my doorstep.

- Hello Rosaline -

It felt like he was now in my dreams.

- Can I come in? -

He had to invite himself in for me to ascertain myself that it was no dream. The comfort of my own home encouraged for a dialog.

- What are you doing here? -

- I was around the neighborhood so I decided to come by and check up on you -

- By neighborhood you mean the cafe right? -

- That's the only neighborhood I know -

We then laughed so hard. As we carried on chatting, the aura created by our schmooze, gave me this feeling I have never beheld before. The release of dopamine that brings the rush you have when you want to invite someone in. He could see how I couldn't resist him in my eyes. He then moved closer to me while glazing deep in my eyes. The closer he moved towards me, I could feel myself failing to control my breath. He gently put his hand over my chick and leaned towards my neck, he whispered words into my ear, words that made me forget my entire being and see myself as his object. Words that folded me into submitting to him. He caressed my body, touched me in ways I have never been touched before. There's no place in my body his hands never reached. I remember myself moaning softly as he inside me. I remember resting my head on his chest after all. I have never slept so peachfully. The next thing, I was alone in the morning when I went to bed with a companion. I may not have remembered everything that happened that night, but I knew I wanted it to happen again.

I received a call, and I almost lost both my front teeth rushing to the phone hoping it was him, Tyrone. Only to find out it was my boss, Mrs McKenzie, checking up on her best sick employee.

- Hello -

- Good morning Ms Fiennes, I called to check up on you. How are you doing? -

- I'm fine, better... -

- That's great to hear, remember to come back to work soon. You know this place is dead without you -

- Of cause. Thank you for calling Mrs McKenzie -

Dare not I must say disappointment is not what I felt because I would be lying.

Days passed by, and he was never seen again. How can one give you so much pleasure and pain at the same time. I yearned to see him in my doorstep one last time, but that never happened. As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, hate was the relief for the love I once felt. However, that wasn't the only thing growing in me. The seed he planted in my garden also grew with time.

I would go back to the caf? we met, not surprisingly, he wasn't there.

- I understand you have a crush on me, but the way how you're always here at the cafe is starting to scare me -

At least Jimmy was there to ease the tension of my life.

I went through the days with Randy and my astronomic belly of his seed. The desire I once possessed was replaced by the bewilderness of whether that night was that night a blessing or a disgrace.

- How could I be so stupid? -

She would push up against my insides. I guess as a repremandation of regretting a companionship that brought me her. I'll then realize that something good came out of that night. I come to realize that progeny for purity was a fine trade. Something I should be gratituding him for. Something that augmented inside of me without help. Her name was Star because the first time I gaped upon her my world lit up. She took away the duskiness and brought dawn. All the pain I felt because of Tyrone was forgotten.

I knew raising her was going to be easy because it came from within. A process so natural like her development in womb. Little did I realize my little Star was growing fast enough to ask about her father.

- Mommy why don't I have a dad? -

That's what she asked me on her fourth birthday, in front of those mothers ,fathers, daughters, and sons. More than embarrassed, I was hurt. Hurt because that was only when I realized that my daughter was fatherless when she had somebody who willingly participated in her being conceived. That was when I realized my that Star is old enough to notice that she has only one parent. It was when I realized what a long road awaited ahead of us. Fortunate enough, Mrs Miller was able to save me the discomfiture of answering Star and asked her to make a wish before we sliced the cake.

- I think it's time to slice the cake. What do you say Star? -

Everyone cheered up to that part.

- Make a wish then -

She then closed her eyes and said...

- I wish that my dad would come back home -

I never thought it would be this hard to raise a child without a father. I couldn't hold back the tears that filled my eyes. However, I was able to disregard Star for only that day. As I knew, there were still many questions to come about her paternity. After her party, I took her to her room and tucked her in as usual, but this time, I couldn't cuddle her until she was deep in sleep because Mrs Miller was waiting for me downstairs. She "wanted to talk" apparently, but we all know what that meant. Judgment of Star not having a father, and it being my fault as I should have conducted myself in a more respectful manner to not give myself to a man I barely knew. I nonetheless returned to her downstairs to hear the insults. I most certainly did not expect the next words that came out of her mouth.

- I was thinking, how would it be if Star came to house over the weekends to play with Stacy. They are good friends you know -

- Uhm... of cause, I don't mind -

- Great then, I better get going. Stacy's dad is waiting for me. Goodnight Rose -

- Goodnight Mrs Miller -

That was confusing, instead of her addressing today's incident, she asked if Star could come play at her house during the weekends. I was at the urge of declining the bid out of the fear that I had. The fear that Tyrone may come back some day and she may lose that one chance of meeting the person responsible for her existence. However, I agreed.

I could notice change in Star as she kept on visiting the Millers. There was no day Star didn't complete the Millers for their dainty parenting.

- Mrs Miller baked us a lemon cake -

- Oh really, that's good. Did you enjoy it? -

- Yes, and she's also sew our costumes for the play this weekend -

- That is this weekend? -

- Yes mom, I even pasted the reminder on the fridge -

Of cause she did paste it on the fridge. At least Mrs Miller was a better parent that I'm. Her intentions were now revealed. She thought Mr Miller a great entrant to fill Tyrone's void in Star's life. More like she was also trying to fill even my void but I wasn't complaining. Although it was working, I had my concerns. Was this a good idea or just another can of worms waiting to be opened. What if she grew up to realize that Mr Miller can never replace her absent father? What would happen then? Even so, I decided to let that be the bridge I would cross when it was time. As I had more important problems to worry about, like putting food on the table or paying for her tuition.

Unfortunately when Star was 10 years, the Millers had to move to the farms after Mr Miller lost his job. There it was, the bridge I wasn't ready to cross for the past 6 years. She sure did not take the relocation of the Millers good. She started middle school without her best friend around. So I had to choose the best school for her, at least that would motivate her to be keen about going to achool. I tried conversing with her in the car first day dropping her outside the gates of Maryland middle school.

- How do you feel about your first day? -

As expected she didn't answer.

- Look Star, I know that you always wished to start middle school with Stacy but I'm trying -

- I know mom. I'll see you afterschool -

She then exited the car. I thought she was handling the relocation of Stacy quiet well until they kept on summoning me to the school because of Star's behavior of hitting other kids whenever they picked at her. Mrs Diaz, her principal, went to as far as blaming her behavior on not having a father figure in her life.

- Have you ever thought about having a father figure to stir her in the right direction? -

- I'm sorry Mrs Diaz but I don't think I need a man or anyone for that matter to tell me how to raise my child -

She may have been right because I'm the one who taught her to stand up and defend herself. Perhaps if her father were present, he would've had a different way to edify her. Even so, I knew that didn't give Mrs Diaz the authority to cast out my daughter for not having a father. Unfortunately, Star heard the argument I had with her principal. She just stood there at the door, aimlessly, witnessing the two most important people in her life voice out their contradicting ideas of her. I knew she wasn't supposed to hear that conversation because I was afraid she wouldn't handle it, but I was wrong. Star came in and apologized to Mrs Diaz, not only that, but she also promised to apologize to the kids she beat.

- I should've had done what I did. I'm sorry Mrs Diaz. I'll also apologize to Herrin and Jerry. -

The cat then got Mrs Diaz's tongue when she witnessed my daughter's very well-mannered behavior after she has just implied.

After the talk I had with Star, things started to change for the better. I also gave her more attention and focused less on my work. During school holidays, she would visit the Millers on the farms.

Everytime she came back from the farms she would tell me of all the stories they did. All the new things she learnt on the farms. Milking the cows, feeding the ducks, walking foals and bathing sheep. Which I wasn't too sure it was a thing, but I wasn't complain.

- Uncle Sam taught us to milk cows. We also bathe 67 sheep with him -

- You bathe sheep? Mhhm, I guess I should get myself more familiar with the countryside -

I finally got my sweet Star back. She was now smiling and very adamant to go to school.

- Mom wake up, it's time to get me to school -

The words that were now a daily anthem I woke up to at 06:00 am. I have never seen her this alive after the Millers left town. However, her and Stacy were still good friends and I couldn't be more happier.

THREE YEARS LATER...

It was during the school holidays and Star went to visit the Millers farm. This is the time where I started worrying about her, as she and Stacy were now teenagers. Even so, they never stopped milking cows and bathing sheep. One afternoon Mr Miller took Star and Stacy out shopping for Halloween. They were all singing along to the country music on the car radio when a logistic truck lost it's balance and crush into them. Mr Miller tried extracating them to safety but it was too late. Only Stacy lost her life in that accident. From then, Star was never the same, so were the Millers. She was always locked up in her room and eating irregulary.

- Star please come out to eat -

- I'm not hungry -

What more can I do on the other side of a locked door than beg. Even when it never worked, I never gave up knocking on her door.

All the conversations we had when I was driving her to school were a thing of the past. Everytime I tried to converse with her, she would turn up the radio or put her headphones on.

Soon she started high school and she was now a person of fewer words. I knew it would take more than a cheesecake to get her to smile again. The only way she went through the days was being distant from the world, and a gap I couldn't bridge formed between us.

- Can we have an ice cream and cheese cake date today? -

- I'm not in the mood but you can go without me -

What's the use of doing a date for two if I'll be alone. The distance that formed between us was scary because I knew if it kept getting bigger and bigger, I'll lose her forever. I couldn't let that happen. I decided to start working from home and spend more time with her.

- Look what I found... Who wants to play checkers? -

- Checkers is boring -

- What? But hunny you used to love the game -

- I guess not anymore -

- Okay what about catch catch? -

- I'm studying mom -

All the activities she used to love were now a bore to her. I tried playing checkers with her and she said it was a kid's game, but that couldn't be it because Star loved the game very much. She would wake me up at 1pm to play the game. She may have been right, she may have been a bit grown to play checkers, but she was no young to play a greater mind game, chess. I introduced that to her and with no less time, she has already fallen in love with the game.

- Okay, I understand you said checkers is for kids, so I got chess. If you have time of cause -

- I've always wanted to play chess -

Chess helped to bridge the gap between us. I would sometimes find her playing alone, and I'll ask if I can join her. She would say - I'm afraid not mother, I'm practicing so that I can beat you later - With her wits, I had no doubt.

I saw the love for chess growing in her. Star did everything I said for me to play with her because she wanted the satisfaction of beating me in my own game, which she never got then, but that didn't stop her from trying. That's how I knew I was raising a good kid. She would practice so hard, learn every trick in the book so that she can win just one game against me. The one thing she didn't understand was that it didn't matter how many tricks you knew. What mattered was how you used the opportunity given in the chessboard. The tricks you learn in the books are just for guidance. When you're playing, you create your own tricks. I guess that's the lesson I was trying to teach her. That's why I never let her win until she understood that.

My relationship with her got stronger, and we got even more inseparable than before. Both of us knew that the gap we closed couldn't be opened again, and I knew I shouldn't choose work over my daughter. She also knew we talk about things bothering us instead of just keeping them inside of us.

- I'm sorry I haven't been there enough for you -

- I'm sorry I pushed you away mom -

- So, how are you finding high school? -

- Great, I have a boyfriend now -

- What? -

I could feel my eyes popping out of my skin trying to keep my cool.

- I'm just pulling your leg, you could've seen your face -

She continued laughing.

- It's your turn mom -

Those were the conversations we had when playing chess. She was also getting better at it every day, chess. We would play every day after dinner. I still remember her first checkmate. She couldn't believe it.

- Checkmate?... oh my god it is checkmate. Yeses! I finally won -

She then did her victory dance she always does after winning. I was so proud of her, not for winning of cause I knew she was going to win some day, but for finally getting it. Her winning meant she finally got the lesson I was teaching her. The real trick for winning in chess and in life.

I would look at my child growing into the woman she was growing into every day, and I'll remember the first day we locked eyes. The way she was maturing up and taking responsibility, it was as if to her growing up is like riding a bicycle. Once you get it, you'll never forget it. That was always the case with Star.

As the years progressed in high school, I got worried because Star didn't seem to enjoy it. I knew she was strong, but high school can be hostile. Especially for her, people are always against excellence and unfortunately, depending on how you perceive it, Star was excellence. On top of everything, I taught her to never be afraid to speak her mind. But exercising that lesson in high school wouldn't really favor her, so I thought. Her first day in senior year was a big deal to me but to her it was just like any other day. She didn't show the excitement I was expecting from her to show.

- It's your first day in senior year -

- Okay?... -

- Aren't you excited? -

- Well you seem to be doing that for me so... -

- Okay I guess not -

- I just don't understand the big deal in being a senior. I've been in that school for 3 years now -

- Okay, fine. If you don't see a big deal. I guess there isn't any then. I'm just so proud of you -

At first I thought maybe it's the school choice, making her study where I did. I thought she may be wanting to lead her own path not from my shodow at Winston Park School. Until it hit my mind that, that is Star's nature. She's always distant from her emotions, showing less affection, and that was a good thing because if she feels less, that means she can't have a fatherless daughter like her mother.

The only enigma was that she refused to participate in any school exercises, not even PE. Now, as per usual, I was called to school because of Star's refusal to participate in school activities. Star was so difficult to reason with, and I'm to blame. Not even principal Crowley was able to reason with her. I knew that not participating in school activities gave the school permission to reconsider having her as a student. That's why I was a cheerleader, so I told Star.

- I don't wanna be like you mom. I don't wanna a cheerleader or president of any debate team -

- Okay fine I get that... but you have to attend P.E if you want to graduate high school Star -

Unsurprisingly, she showed none predicament. That's because she knew that it was not of good moral for myself or the school to force her to partake in something she has absolutely no desire in. Both my and the principal's hands were tied. Only Star was to make a decision to join the school's exercises. There's one thing Principal Crowley said to me that caught my attention though, she said I was exactly like Star as a high schooler, only not as unagreeable as Star was. She had to push me for quiet some time before I joined the cheerleading team.

The similarity Mrs Crowley saw in both me and my daughter made me wonder if I did a good job in raising Star the way I did. Would she not also make that one irrational decision that will change her life forever? I doubted, Star was so much wiser than me. She was no type to succumb to the wonders of the heart.

Star was as hard as a rock and never changed her mind. How was I going to keep Star in that school if she refuses participating in any extra curriculum activities as per stated by the code of conduct. I stayed up all night brainstorming, not for my work presentation but on ways to convince Star to secure her place in Winston Park School, something she didn't care about.

- What about hockey? -

- No -

- Okay, theater? -

- As in acting? -

- Yeah, you used to do it all the time with Stac... -

- You can say her name you know, and still no mom. I'm going to my room -

I ended up coming to a conclusion of leaving everything to her and give her chance to do what she desires. - Mom , you need to give me space... I really can't breathe with you on my neck - precisely the words she uttered. That's how quickly they grow. One moment they cry for that one step you take away from them, the next, they want a mile away from you. I most certainly did not want her to feel the need to go a mile away from me, so I stepped back.

One afternoon, she came back home and told me...

- You need not longer to worry of Mrs Crowley -

- Don't tell me you killed her! I know sometimes one would want to kill her, I always had that thought of strangling her to death but I never did it -

she exclaimed - Mother ,no! I did no such. I simply solved it like a young lady that I'm -

Of cause she did, there's nothing new in her show casing her problem solving skills again. Watching her make use of my teachings, couldn't had made me more proud. It made me realize that I not as bad as I imagined myself to be in this parenting thing and Star was a living proof of that.

- And no, I never had thoughts of strangling her to death -

As weeks passed by, I noticed a change in Star's behavior. She was now wearing make-up, started going out a lot, changed her wardrobe and lit up whenever she was on her phone. There's only one reason for a girl, specifically a teenager to behave like that. I confronted her, she denied, as she should.

- Do you have anything you wish to tell me? -

- No... -

- Nothing? Not even a new friend that I should know of? -

- No, mom -

I should've persisted, but I didn't. I was so caught up in my work that I didn't even have time to have "the talk" I've been planning to have with her as soon as she becomes of age. The talk that could transpose her fate for the better.

One evening, buried in my work as usual, I saw Star's shadow blocking light at the door of my bedroom. Before I even got a chance to ask what the matter was, Star already threw herself at the top of my thighs and started crying. Her cry took me back to when she was five, crying because she couldn't wear her shoes own her own. Only this time she was crying for a complete different reason.

- What's wrong dear? -

I can't even remember the last time Star fell asleep in my arms before that night. I waited for her to tell me the matter on her own time.

- I'm with child mother -

The first words that came out of her mouth after being silent the entire night. Of cause I was the last person to judge as I have skeletons in the closet of my own. The first thing I wished to enquire was the cause of the situation, the father of the unborn child. As I should be the one to know that raising a child on one's own is not a course for the faint-hearted.

Came a day for me to meet the father of my grandchild. I don't know if I was happy that he was willing to take responsibility or angry that he made my daughter a mother at the age of 16.

- He said he's near by -

As I was staring at my exquisite cutlery that came out only when we had visitors, there was a knock in my door. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest as I was walking towards the door. When I opened the door, there he was. A man who stood on that very same doorstep 16 years ago. Only today, he was here as the father of my child's child and not my own.

- This is Tyrone, the father of my child mother -

Said Star introducing to a man I crossed paths with before her existence. How could I have told her that he was the father of my child? How could I have told her the father of your child is your father? How could I have told her your child is your sibling? Does it even make sense for a father to father the child of his child? This is my doing. The mistake of my youth caught up with me 16 years later. My daughter's first love is my own first love.