I still remember it clearly, the day you and I watched the fireworks as it lit up the sky, we were but a mere child then, I can't wait to watch it with you again.
Early in the spring of my seventeenth year, I was studying in tanauan institute in my second year in senior highschool, One of my friends, Shane, decided I might be lonely, presumably because I rarely left the house and talks to people. Devoting myself to watching tv series and anime all day long.
It's not that I'm lonely, it's just that I hate crowded places filled with couples who date almost everyday! don't they have better things to do? Anyways having said that, she then suggested I come into one of their group dates on Sunday, what a waste of my weekend, but she did help me out in an activity recently so I don't really get to decline.
SHANE: Don't be a bummer girl, take this opportunity to finally find someone.
AMBER: Don't I really get a say in this?
SHANE: No! Sunday, We meet up at nine, dressed up nicely girl, AND DON'T EVER BE LATE!
Come Sunday, and so I dressed up nicely just as she asked, I psych myself up before heading out. Suddenly, I received a text from Shane. She said that I was the only one they're waiting for. I looked at the time and was shocked to see that I was about TWENTY MINUTES LATE?! I was so unsure of what to wear that it took me quite some time deciding. After another five minutes of running, I finally reached the mall where we're meeting. Everyone was staring at me while I'm drenched with sweat and my hair was frizzy. I was so ashamed.
I then felt a cold stare from a guy at the corner, wait - is that, Marcus?
Marcus was my childhood crush, we used to play together when we were kids, and would often watch fireworks together. He is the reason why I love fireworks. But suddenly, I stopped seeing him two years ago. I never heard anything about him, to think I would be able to see him again. I couldn't take my eyes off him - his black corduroy jacket, the way his hair fell perfectly in place. He hadn't changed, but why did he seem so different now?
SHANE: C'mon Amber, what took you so long??
"Sorry, Taking a jeepney ride through here is harder than i thought" i replied while fixing my hair hiding my embarrassment to everyone
We then proceeded to go inside the mall, and as we were walking, I noticed Marcus looking at me as he chuckled, I then giggled in response, almost obviously displaying my nervousness.
Despite all that, this was my first interaction with him in a few years, so I am quite excited on how this day will turn out.
I nervously striked up a conversation, "so, how are you?" I awkwardly asked.
"still as awkward as ever, i see" he joshed.
AMBER: What's up with that? and here I even mustered the courage to talk to you.
MARCUS: Sorry, it's just been so long.
"you've always been that way, even when we were kids, you never took me seriously" i then replied with a pout.
MARCUS: Remember when we were kids, how we used to love watching fireworks together?
AMBER: How can I forget?
MARCUS: Well I heard there'll be a fireworks show next sunday, wanna watch it together?
"Are you seriously inviting me??" I asked, getting all flustered.
MARCUS: What else do I mean by that? you don't want to?
AMBER: NO! I'LL COME!!
SHANE: Hey Amber, what do you mean you'll come? come over here, what're you standing there for?
"I never said anything! you didn't hear nothing!" I shouted in embarrassment.
We finally got into the arcade, my friends bought some tokens and we each went off to play, and I noticed, Marcus not doing anything, It's finally my time! I then approached him. "aren't you gonna play anything?" I asked.
MARCUS: I'm not really into games, you can go ahead and play if you want.
I was disappointed, but again I picked up some courage and went off to one of the arcade games while pulling his hand, "do you know nothing about being considerate?" I asked.
"That's big coming from you" he jested.
We then started to play a basketball shooting game, "i didn't know you were a good shot" he said sarcastically.
AMBER: like you're any better!
One of the guy friends of Shane then approaches me, "you're a terrible shooter, aren't you?" he says in jest.
AMBER: I don't need to hear it from you, he already told me that.
CLYDE: Says who?
I looked behind me only to see that Marcus was not there, he left me? SERIOUSLY?!!
"I swear that guy has no consideration!" I said, annoyed.
CLYDE: I'm Clyde by the way, you're a friend of Shane right?
AMBER: Yeah, My name's Amber. Nice to meet you. You seem awfully familiar, have we met before?
CLYDE: I saw you a few times at Shane's birthday party, though you must've not noticed me.
"Haha, I'm not really good at remembering faces" i said, awkwardly.
CLYDE: It must be lonely being alone, I don't want you to feel left out, so mind if I accompany you?
"Thanks for the thought, but i already have someone with me, if you'll excuse me then" i replied then left.
I go off to search for Marcus, after a few minutes of searching, I find him sitting on a bench. I then began to approach him, "why is it so natural for you to leave me?" I asked while being upset.
MARCUS: Sorry, I'm just not that good at communicating to other people, so I took off in nervousness.
AMBER: you did the same thing two years ago, all of a sudden you stopped talking to me. Is it because of the fireworks show?
I finally remembered - two years ago we were planning on watching a fireworks show together that night. I waited for him for hours and hours wondering if he would ever come. That night was still burned into my memory. I stood there, staring at the sky as one explosion after another lit up the darkness. I kept waiting for him but -
He never came?
MARCUS: I'm sorry, I swear I'll make it up to you.
AMBER: I'll forgive you, but only if you promise not to leave again
"I promise" he replies as he wore a wistful smile.
My heart skipped a bit hearing that, his eyes looked serious as he said that.. but somehow it looks sad at the same time. "you mean it? I'll let it slide for now, but you have to eat lunch with me tomorrow "I invited him innocently, he then came back from his usual teasing behavior.
MARCUS: Sure, but only if I'm not gonna eat your homemade cooking.
AMBER: It's not that bad!! and I've improved within the past two years.
MARCUS: Just promise me that it's not going to kill me.
AMBER: Gosh, why are you like this, anyways we're falling behind so let's hurry.
We then started to catch up with the group to play around till the day ended. The next day came, and I brought my homemade cooked lunch and went off to see Marcus. We were planning on meeting at the school's cafeteria. The moment I got there I saw him sitting outside the cafeteria, he noticed me and started waving at me, I waved back in response as I approached him. We then started to have lunch. as we were both talking, I noticed Shane as she was approaching with, Clyde and his group in tow.
AMBER: Hi Shane, You too Clyde. Are you both going somewhere?
SHANE: Oh, i just met Clyde and the others.
CLYDE: We were planning on going to the plaza to eat, Care to join us?
AMBER: Sorry, I'd love to. but we are just about finish on eating.
"What do you me - OUCH!" his words got cut off, as Shane pinches his waist.
CLYDE: What was that for?
SHANE: Can't you read the room? C'mon let's go.
"Sorry for interrupting girl, we'll be leaving now." she said while dragging, Clyde and his group.
MARCUS: Interesting bunch, they're all nice person.
AMBER: Shane is, I'm not sure about the rest.
"Haha, You're lucky to be surrounded by such person" he replied, as he chuckles.
We continued having lunch together the next day, and so on. We would often walk together, talk about almost anything, I would tell him about all that's happened to me in the past two years. and before i noticed it the feelings that i had with him before are starting to come back to me again, After spending a whole week with him, I started to want this moment to last forever.
No, I'm sure it will - You promised me, after all.. right, Marcus?
"But Amber, i was never there."
Finally the long awaited day came, Something feels off. What could it be? I dressed up and as I was about to eagerly get out of the house, my mom stood in front of me with a scowl - or rather a frown on her face? What seems to be the matter I wondered to myself. "where are you going?" she asked, "I'm meeting Marcus, we plan on watching the fireworks show together" i then replied.
"Just how long are you gonna keep running away from the truth?!"
"What do you mean by that?" I asked, confused.
"He is not going to come" she said, looking dejected.
"Of course he will, this time he will definitely come, He? he made a promise" i said as my breath slowly escapes my mouth, and before i finish what i was about to say, she interrupted with a look of misery in her face,
"HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP TORTURING YOURSELF WITH THIS LIE?"
"BLAMING YOURSELF WOULD NEVER BRING HIS LIFE BACK!"
"DROP THE ACT ALREADY! MARCUS WOULD NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS!" she shouted as she burst into tears.
After hearing those barrages of words a tear suddenly escaped my eye, my mind then began to go blank, as if all my thoughts vanished into thin air - IT HURTS, it hurts so bad as if a thousand needles pierced my heart. Suddenly a realization dawned on me, followed by a flash of memories that night - two years ago, as I awaited his arrival at the rendezvous point.
Apparently, as he was walking on his way to the fireworks show, he was eager to arrive so he took a shortcut along an alley. on his way, he saw a man stole a woman's bag, as the man ran past him, to the man's surprised Marcus tried to stop him by grabbing the bag, in response, the man grabs his gun, then pointed it at him merely intending to frighten him, but Marcus puts up resistance leaving the man no choice but to shoot him. The man ran away leaving Marcus at the ground of some alley, bleeding to death?
a few minutes past, which feels like hours to him, Marcus drew his last breath.
Deep inside I probably knew - but it was just too painful for me to accept it. I am swallowed by regrets and guilt. That I kept blaming myself for your death, if only I hadn't made you come that night. And if only, I was able to tell you about my feelings that day. I've been longing for the chance to talk to you again, up to the point where I'm starting to act, as if you were here. I wanted to let you know about this feeling. But most of all, I wanted to know, If you feel the same.
- Hey Marcus, How do you feel about me?
SHANE:
Bereavement Hallucinations, it was believed that through traumatic death of someone you love, it can take a while for parts of your brain and the way you think 'catch up'. It'll take time for your brain to grasp what has happened for it all to sink in, the effects can vary to a person, if someone's death was particularly impactful to the person you're more likely to see, hear, or even envision that same person. but to Amber, it's more than just seeing, or hearing. She felt him, It might probably just a pathetic display of act to anyone but to her, it was a chance to finally talk with him again.
CLYDE: What a shame then.
SHANE: Why do you say so?
"Cause she didn't get the answer she needed." having said that, he left suddenly, as if he was in a hurry.
SHANE: Where are you going?
"Where else? to find some answers." he said, as he began to run.
Clyde then finally arrived to his destination, he knocked on a door of an unknown person, behind that door then appeared a man curious about his presence, "Good evening Sir, is this the house of Mr. Augusto?" he asked.
AUGUSTO: I am Augusto, is there something i can help you with?
CLYDE: Actually Sir, Can i talk to you about your son, Marcus?
That evening, Amber sat at the grass as she awaits the fireworks. The same spot she would watch the fireworks together with Marcus. A figure of a man then appears slowly approaching the broken Amber.
- "What're you still doing here, didn't you hear the announcement? they said the fireworks show will be canceled. Apparently, there will be a heavy storm tonight" to Amber's surprise, It was Clyde.
CLYDE: I heard about Marcus, Shane told me.
AMBER: Did you come here to offer me sympathy?
CLYDE: I intend to, but it'd be wasted on you.
AMBER: Pathetic aren't i? holding on to someone long gone.
CLYDE: So am I, caring on to someone pathetic, who keeps making her mom and friends worried.
AMBER: I never asked you to! and why would you? You know that I'm sick in the head.
"Everyone's sick in the head.. But not you, That's not a sickness? That's grief" having said that he gave me a seemingly old letter with a dried up blood in it, i opened the letter and tried to read it, most of the words are covered with dried up blood so it's hard to read the words, but this handwriting is just so familiar to me that somehow, i could make a sense of what it entails,
"Dear Amber, if you're reading this letter perhaps I would definitely be embarrassed to show my face to you again, you probably think that this was way too old fashioned, or you'll perhaps tease me the next time you see me, but unfortunately for you, I don't plan on seeing you again after having reading this, it's embarrassing after all. But anyways, the purpose of this letter was to tell you something that i couldn't, ever since we were kids.
- You know, Amber? i never really liked fireworks, I've been scared of them for as far as i can remember, I'm afraid because of how loud they are, and i just acts tough whenever I'm around you.
I don't like fireworks? what I liked, was how the fireworks lit up your eyes whenever you're watching them, and whenever i stare at you. The world outside becomes muted making the sound of fireworks falls in silence? you are the one who made me think that if I'm with you i could come to like it. And that's why every time that you are staring at those lights from the sky, I will then be there staring at those eyes - That's why, I want to let you know,
- Amber, i love?"
the last part was teared up, with blood over it that i couldn't read it clearly. But somehow, i know what Marcus is trying to say.
Suddenly, tears came down running from my eyes. As i was overwhelmed by this unexplainable feeling, i started bawling. Sorry Marcus, i just can't respond to your confession right now - it's just? the whole world seems so quiet right now that i could not even hear myself as i cry. I see, this unexplainable feeling was grief turned into relief, it's as if I've been finally freed from something.
CLYDE: Apparently, he was holding onto this when they found his body. his father then keep it, he intends on giving it to you but you didn't show up at his wake.
"What an awkward fellow" He added up as he saw me put up a smile, i then replied "Yes? yes he is".
CLYDE: Anyways let's hurry, they're waiting for us.
AMBER: Where are we going? i thought the fireworks are cancelled?
"Let's have our own fireworks then" He said with a smile looking at me through his back as he drag me up the hill. revealing Shane and everyone each holding a sparkling stick, Shane handed me one, and we started to light them up, Clyde then lit up a single firecracker, and we all stare at it as it launch to the sky and explodes. it was so bad, that it literally just popped off the sky and didn't even lit up.
- exactly why it's strange? somehow, the night sky just seem so bright right now. there's not a single fireworks exploding up there, but the sky looks so beautiful at the moment.
Suddenly, The sky lit up as one explosion after another came. We were all surprised. It's the fireworks! it did came, we eagerly sat at the grass and watched the fireworks as it explodes at the sky one after another.
Hey Marcus, Are you seeing this?
Yes Amber, I see them.
You kept your promise.
Yes, I did.
I want to see you, Marcus.
You can't, but I'll always be with you.
Marcus, I love you.
"Amber, I love how your eyes reflects the illuminations of the sky."
Fin.