I AM PROFESSIONALLY CONNED BY MY HUSBAND - A SELF PROCLAIMED GOOD GUY
Oo day, ang Ganda ko pero naloko ng pangit.
Pano ba nangyare? Ganito bhie, Mahaba ang kwento pero di kasinghaba ng titi ng asawa ko.
Year 2011, I met my husband in KSA. I am still young back then, and still madly inlove with my year LDR boyfriend. My husband courted me, even though he is aware I was in a relationship, he tried. He befriended me and since he proclaimed himself as a very good guy with some flaws in life, being a father of a teenage girl, so, I thought back then, OMG he was such an honest GUY. OO, naniwala ako, uto uto ang peg.
Then, my 7 year relationship ended. Chance nya na.. Grab the opportunity ginawa ng Lolo nyo. Brokenhearted, I gave my husband a chance. Brokenhearted, I made a choice to give in to him, sexually, in KSA (di ako malibog, nagtry Lang ang gaga, bilis nga, di ako nasiyahan.)
He proposed to me then on, not in a very romantic way as I would like to imagine. He just handed me the ring and just said the word, Marry Me. (Walang ka sweet sweet, kahit I sang langgam di malasahan and proposal kasi Walang tamis)
But I am so young back then,fresh pa ako bhie, and he is 11 years older than me, gurang na sya in short. Kinilig pa rin ako (or pinaniwala ko sarili ko siguro that time) , even though my heart sank hoping he would have proposed formally. We planned our wedding, but he is not that participative. Parang, o sya, planuhin MO lahat aatend Lang ako.
It is like I am marrying myself alone, but when it comes to meeting me, to have sex with me, I can feel the excitement he is showing me (wagas ang libog ng Lolo nyo) . His family never did the traditional pamamanhikan nor meeting my parents to pay respect for taking my hand in marriage. How ignorant of me in those times. I guess I am really blinded by the old guy. He just called my parents through phone and say, “Hello Nay, Tay, I would like to marry your daughter.” and conversation ended.
I felt the pain and hesitancy of my parents back then. Their anxiety and fear for me, their one and only princess, being taken by this middle age guy, a total stranger who never came to meet them. I am a fucking asshole. My family ignored those facts and questions in their mind. They love me, and they saw the excitement and happiness that I am getting married. (I am so lucky with my parents)
As months has passed, I started doubting myself to get married to him, I noticed some flaws. I started to feel being used as a trophy girlfriend, a sexual object. Parausan Lang feel gurl??? I was ready to end our relationship, and the unfortunate event happened. Our affair has been reported by our fellow Filipino colleagues. I was so scared and helpless, afraid of getting jailed and deported. I am not ready to become a young jobless woman. My siblings need me, financially to support their studies. I can’t afford seeing my siblings’ future taken away because of my stupidity. Gaga kasi, gurl. Yan ang napala ng pag explore.
So, I got married in an instant, in the Philippine Embassy of Riyadh. The place where Filipino couples getting married in a conservative, strict country like KSA. I got married in a rush, without the presence of my family.
Me… Alone…
And that’s how my husband had the chance to con me.
Pano ba? Sexually,.. Hmmmm…
He drained all the youth in me, wow.. Maka drain Lang eh no? Having me in bed almost every day and night, Kung pwede nya ako chukchakin ng 5 beses, ay gagawin nya.. Nakuha nya kasi ambata eh.
I am not sexually accomplished, but I pretended to be. He is harsh at times, he wanted to see how I react. His foreplays are rough. And I want it to end, so I did my role of being sexually in to it.
I dreamed to be a good wife. A wife that will fulfill my husband’s needs, physically, sexually, emotionally, even financially.
I wanted to become a mother as well, so we got pregnant in one try. I thought he will become a caring husband, an excited father to be thought it is not his first time. But, in the first check up I had, he chose to spend his time with his so called friends rather than assisting me and be with me in my first ultrasound.
I was hurt. I never expected that. Mabait sya, my mind says.
Months has passed, my pregnancy is very much stable. Still working tough even on my 38th week. Malakas to, bhie..
In those months together, he was insisting on taking bank loans. I am hesistant. I am not the type of person who likes to have UTANG because I want my salary complete. However, he had me say Yes. I took a loan and it was approved because my salary is high enough to meet their required scale.
Just like that, when I received the loan, he took charge of it. Sent the money to his parents, telling me they will starts to build a house for us in their place. Since I believed their words, I just went on with the flow, not knowing his father is taking a Chunk of money as well to gamble.
I was able to deliver my first child normally. I was such a happy proud mother. He is as well but since having a child in KSA is difficult without having someone to take care of my son. We have to sacrifice and send our son home to the Philippines. It was my first, greatest heartache and it will always be until now.
I tried to be strong for my child’s future and my husband is giving 500 riyals share for my son monthly out of the 4000 riyals he is receiving from his salary, while I share 2000 riyals, Mas Madatung ako eh.. I did not bother to ask for more not unless it is my son’s birthday or it is Christmas time. Di ako demanding, Promise. Because I tried to understand his situation that he has another child to feed and my salary is higher.
The loan I took, I am paying 2/3 of it monthly, while he shares 1/3 of it. Trying hard ako maging perpekto ng asawa.
Every vacation we will divide our weeks from my place to his place.
Nevertheless, another ill fated event occurred. We had a fight in his place. And his father suddenly involved himself in our argument and threw us out from their place, in the house I spent my money with which his father gambled as well. Lakas ng loob Kaya sigawan kami, PUTANG INa LUMAYAS KAYO DITO!
Ako naman, e di layas. Masunuring Bata.
He let his father throw us out in the middle of the night. Yet, I am strong (though sa utak ko, tang Ina pigilan MO naman ako asawa ko, and my situation be like, ASA KA GURL).
So, I took my siblings with me and went to our relatives house. I could not fathom the fact that he let me wander in the middle of the night with my siblings. Parang, bahala ka kahit mamatay ka situation. Ganon.
Nonetheless, ignorant me. We patched things up, I could not let my child grow up with a broken family. And the same goes by. My life revolved with same routine. Giving money, covering my child’s expenses and I let it all happen. My mistake,maganda pero gaga naman.. I believed in him. Really. Sabi nya kasi mabait sya. With the pangako also to fix the ownership of our house. (Asa PA more, ne.)
And there it goes.
Years passed, I got employed by a better employer in Saudi, higher salary. And again, he convinced me with another loan. And I gave in, tanga Lang pero maganda. Yan nalang pakonswelo sa sarili, pagbigyan na. So, I gave half of my loan to my husband.
Then, I don’t know how cursed I am or him? His contract ended. Though there is a new employer willing to take him in. He refused. He said, he wanted to be with our son..
Ayyyy… natouch ako dun, gurl. So, I let him go back to Philippines, with investment plans, business plans and all even having a baby. Dami naming drawing, ay. Hanggang drawing Lang pala. Even, going home and taking care of our son, drawing din ay. Umasa ang Bata sa wala..
I did not oblige him to give monetary assistance to our son since July 2020 for the fact that, I wanted him to save the money he received from his severance pay in order to add up to our planned investments (planned talaga Yun, planado.. Planado nyang isugal at waldasin. )
Moreover, with cash assistance from me until he left to Philippines. Sugar mommy Lang.. Kagwapo ba? Hindi, pangit po talaga asawa ko. Nabudol Lang talaga ako.
When he arrived in taguig, first 2 months he is okay. That even when, he even asked for 100k, nag pauto uli ang gaga, PAK! MONEY TRANSFER, automatic ako bhie.. He said everything is going according to plan. (according to plan pala Para magwaldas) until, the mid of December 2020, he started having mood shifts, parang lalaking nireregla, inaaway ako tapos aamu-in kasi gusto ng cybersex.
I tried to be more understanding, ang bait ko Kaya, because maybe because of LDR situation and the stress of pandemic. In spite of the mood swings, the indirect accusations and his possessive behaviors shows. From 2011 to 2020, of course, medyo kilala mo naman asawa mo e no.. From the eve of my birthday December 23, to the day of my birthday December 24, Pati pasko hang gang New Year. He was so fucking possessive that all I could do was to have a video call on him almost 24hours a day.
If he wants cybersex, I have to give in, I have to show my body and play with it. Pokpok na pakiramdam ko.. Medyo first class naman siguro.
Because if not, he will accuse me of having an affair. Speaking, he even says I have a man beside me and he hears the voices of the man. And me like, WHAAAAT??? My momo ba sa kwarto ko? And take note, he records our video calls.
Then early January 2021, I was surprised by a post of a stranger to my FB account on my son’s picture, accusing my husband, a theft, a con man, stating ‘that your husband namely BLAH BLAH Blah owes me a 100k and promised to pay me back but he did not, you’re a family of thieves and so on. ‘
Nawindang ako, bhie. Agad Agad, delete post, teng ene.. Sa picture pa ng gwapo Kong anak.
I confronted my husband, sya pa galit bhie and gradually, he admitted that he owes money to some people, and he cashed out all the money to his friends, and alcohols and gambling. BABAE? Meron ba?? Malay ko..
So, Nothing left. That’s when I thought, Kaya pala Kung ano ano akusasyon kasi sya mismo may kalokohang ginagawa. DEFENSE MECHANISM USED – PROJECTION
Again, supportive wife here (tanga Lang, day, wishing ba) I said, it’s okay, it’s only money and so on. And I gave almost 40k just to have an end and have him start again to apply for jobs. I gave him links and ads and places to apply back abroad. Pero, ASA PA MORE. Waley..
Despite of what happened, the endless fight, accusations pa more, and demanding for money did not end. The messages of people I don’t know kept coming-in in my messenger.
And my vacation day is here! I was very excited to be with him and make a baby. But fuck him, kahit sa eroplano iharap ko daw cp ko sa bawat taong katabi ko, gago sya. Para akong tangang inikot ang cp. And he was not satisfied at all, tagalan ko daw iharap ang cam.. E di wow, wag na.. Awayin nalang nya ako kesa ireklamo ako ng passengers.
And hello Philippines during pandemic, quarantined in a high standard hotel. And of course, my great husband wants to barge-in in my hotel, because sabi nya I have a a lalake in my room.. May nakikita daw at naririnig, and me be like, Saan banda sa kwarto yang nakikita MO? Like, I really wants to see and hear it as well.
Kaya, e di wow uli.. Ang lakas ko naman sa OWWA at coast guard Para bumali ng quarantine protocol..
I really tried.. I tried… and I tried… and I tried to fix our marriage… message after message of people I never knew and people I knew hoping I would be the one to pay the debts of my VERY GOOD HUSBAND, still surprises me. To the point that, Even looking at my messenger or FB gave me a phobia.
I am so helpless.. Like, sheeeet… anong nangyare gurl? Saan ako kakapit. And my husband even wants to take charge of my son’s bank.. But no way..! LIKE TAMA NA, ULOL.! LALABAN ANG INA!
BUT I REALLY Tried… nag effort ako… nagpakatanga ako.. Who wants a broken family for their child, right? Wala di ba? I tried to hide the flaws of our marriage from our son. I cried secretly, I hid the phone away when his father starts to shout at me. But you see, my son is smarter than me. He saw my tears, my sadness. He caught his father shouting at me at times via videocall. Huli sa akto ni bulilit. Pero di ko Alam.
My vacation ended with a failure to have a complete family bonding but accomplished mother and son bonding. I tried to fulfill my son’s needs with my existence alone.
And hello me ngayon… nganga…
Still lost… basag na basag… I tried to fix myself up… I have to, for my son’s future, I may not be accomplished with my marriage life, but thankfully God blessed my career as a Frontliner. My son’s has no one now but me.
My husband still asks for money. I changed my FB name to Korean characters. I unfriended my husband to avoid those people he owes some money and people sending me, KAWAWA AKO KASI NILOKO AKO.
Tama na uy. Masakit. Sobrang sakit.. Tao po ako… animal ang ugali pero Hindi bato..
But I am hiding all my tears and wounds from the people surrounding me even though they knew, ginago ako ng asawa ko. They did not bother to ask, they respect my silence and I thanked them for that.
But in reality, I don’t know what to do. I felt stuck in a quicksand, slowly drowning in sorrows, sadness and frustrations. I was left behind, drowning. Tortured with this unexplained pain and agony.
I am conned by my husband.
I spent money on a house which will never be mine.
I spent money which will never come back to me..
I was left, zero….
And I don’t know what to do…
How can I help myself…
When I don’t even know if our law can protect me and my child..
It is me and my child…
Against a MAN who is supposed to be our protection but rather, the Man who thinks nothing but himself, he himself is a danger to me and my son.
His delusions and hallucinations still continues. Baka may third eye asawa ko???? I don’t know.
His unending hurtful messages kept pouring in. Even a recorded sound of the bed na yumuyogyog, he will send it to me.
His unending demands of money.
Like wow, bat di sya magtrabaho….
Sugar mommy ako??? Ako??? Gandang sugar mommy mo naman, bhie…
I just wished….
I just hoped…
The government will someday established a law for the wives who has been conned financially by their own husbands. May VAWC, PAO, PCW, et cetera but how come it is near yet so far….
I just don’t know the proper law to fight against him…
I can’t annul him, it’s too expensive.. Hanggang sa patayin nya nalang siguro ako..
Legal separation? OMG, how about the house.. In short, sya nag enjoy sa bahay na dugo at pawis Kong pinundar.
Our son? How can I demand monetary assistance when he is jobless…
I asked legally, and nothing happened..
It only benefits him, not me and my son…
Kaya wow.. Hanggang sa mamatay o mapatay nya ako ay..
Our Family Court aspires to fix marriages as much as possible, and it is good..
But does it means, wag maghiwalay, magpaabuso ka Hanggang sa mamatay.
(sighed)
So, here I am…
What I am now? You can say,
I am a wife, sexually and physically used by my husband according to his own time of desires and needs.
I am a wife, who is financially and emotionally, mentally abused by my husband.
I am a wife PROFESSIONALLY CONNED BY MY HUSBAND....
And i am still his wife...
I am jailed by the law of marriage..
And i wll be his long term conned toy victim.
One of Desperate Victims Reaching out