I'll tell you a story about my experience with my roommate while in school.
Owenna is my roommate and also my closest friend. The distance between Owenna's home and the university makes it difficult for her to always bring enough food and necessary essentials with her. I have the good fortune of living close to my family, which allows me to bring a lot of food and other items to school and occasionally return home once I've used up everything I brought.
Since our freshman year, Owenna and I had shared a room. We have a mutual understanding of how things should be done: she brings the money, and I bring the things we need.
Allow me to briefly describe how we differ from one another.
Owenna is social and a neat freak, and given all the things she does, I occasionally wonder if she has OCD. I am an introvert and don’t focus on minute details more than necessary. While I only care that things are where they are supposed to be and I am unconcerned about their order, Owenna wants things to stay straight and not bent when necessary. While Owenna would almost have a heart attack if her closet was disorganized, I'm not even organized with something as simple as my closet.
As Owenna slowly realizes that we are not the same and that I will not inevitably turn into her and become less strict on having things in their perfect state, I also gradually and unconsciously start to conform to maintaining order.
Now, returning to the main subject of this story—the expense problem—I came to the realization that even if I brought in more food, I would still need to participate in the room's financial system. I started to feel irritated and unsatisfied. Although I didn't express my innermost feelings to Owenna, I unknowingly began to act out my dissatisfaction. When there was an issue with the electricity in our room, Owenna asked us to split the costs, but I felt bothered because I believed I was already handling enough of the household expenses.
Then one day, the cousin of one of our friends came to our room to complain about her roommate. Felicia is her name.
Felicia described how she and her roommate share food items and even prepare meals together. On a particular day, she unexpectedly returned to the room and found that her roommate had already divided all of their belongings. All of Felicia's belongings, including her food, bags, clothing, and even shoes, had been placed in her corner of the room, and her roommate did the same with hers. Felicia described how she didn't even bother to inquire about the reasons behind her roommate's sudden change regarding the organization of their space.
As Felicia started to describe her experience, I became aware that I shared similarities with her roommate. Although I hadn't yet boldly declared my separation from things in the room, my actions had already implied it. In addition to being my roommate, Owenna is supposed to be my best friend, but I failed to recognize the importance of friendship. There will be arguments and fights in friendships, but there should also be room for expressing love, communication, and understanding.
However, I forgot that "communication is key" and was already uneasy about how we conducted our business in the room yet I did nothing to resolve it. Owenna is not a mind reader; even if she had a hint of what I
might detest, she wouldn't know for sure unless I told her.
I was able to recognize my own mistakes by looking at things through the lens of someone else's life. Following Owenna's request, Felicia spoke with her roommate to help them better understand one another. I decided to talk to Owenna as well, sharing my concerns about feeling as though I was giving more than I was receiving. She expressed regret for having made me feel that way, and together we came up with plans that would work for us, without leaving either of us feeling overburdened.
Additionally, Owenna disclosed to me a few of my actions that made her uncomfortable. She recalled a time when a friend of hers visited; she was busy while I wasn't, and I didn't even try to be friendly or keep the guest company. I just left everything in an uncomfortable silence until she was available. I became aware that I am fallible and can make mistakes as well. Even though my roommate disagrees with some of my characteristics and I do not agree with all of her as well, love will make us want to support one another and gain a better understanding of ourselves.
That's when it dawned on me that what I had initially considered to be a serious problem—one that I had been struggling to keep from jeopardizing our friendship—had actually been resolved simply through communication and love for her.
Sometimes all that is needed to end that fight, misunderstanding, and even pain is just for you to have a COMMUNICATION.
