It all started in 2007 when i woke up one morning and had to run to the bathroom, i felt so sick to my stomach i couldn't work out why. I never vomitted for no reason, I felt that something wasn't right. I went to the hospital and they took a blood test, I waited for 30 minutes next minute the Dr walked back in and he said " im unsure if you are aware but your results are saying that you are 6 weeks pregnant" i had alot of mixed emotions, i was 18 i didn't know if i wanted a baby this young. I went home and had decisions with my close friends about what should i do, they were all very understanding they reasured me that which ever decision i made they were going to stand by me. I decided that i wanted to have the baby and told the babies father, he agreed with me. As the weeks went by i started to get some baby items when i was 16 weeks pregnant, i was very sick from morning sickness i couldn't keep anything down. I felt so ill and wanted the sickness to go away, it finally did when i was 18.5 weeks i was so relieved. Things were going so good, i was enjoying my pregnancy everything was finally falling into place well so i thought. On the 16th Febuary 2007 i had really bad cramps and felt sick, i stood up and blood started gussing, i was so worried i rang a ambulance i was taken to hospital they did a ultrasound and bubby still had a heart beat he was fine. I was sent to a different hospital for them to do further testing, i got an appoinment on the 20th Febuary i went and seen the Drs they gave me the worst news any mother could hear, they adverised me that i may go into labour in the next few weeks they were unsure of what would happen. I went home and felt sick and so upset. On the 21st Febuary my life changed at 10.30pm i started to get really bad pains in my belly, i felt like i was going to vomit and something felt so wrong, i stood up and then my waters broke at 11pm i held him in my hands freaking out, i didnt know what to do i had never been in that situtation before i could feel his little heart beat. I had gone into labour i was only 20 + 3 weeks pregnant. I gave birth to my gorgeous baby boy at 11.30pm and i waited for the ambulance to arrive they didnt arrive until 11.44pm it was too late his little heart beat stopped at 11.40pm. I was taken to the hospital i had photos taken of my baby boy he looked so peaceful and he was perfect.
in october 2008 i found out i was pregnant again, I was so worried that the same thing was going to happen again. The whole pregnancy i was so paranoid that something was going to happen but they induced me at 37 weeks. It was a fast labour from when they broke my waters to the time i pushed him out was 2 hrs and 24 minutes. He was perfect i couldn't stop crying he was everything i ever wanted, my life felt complete but then i found out my ex was cheating on me so i left him. I fell pregnant again in june 2010 with twins but when i was 15 weeks i lost one of them then when i was 16 weeks i lost the second one. I felt so heart broken and empty i couldn't work out why i lost my babies. I was still so happy to be blessed with my gorgeous baby boy, i thought thats it no more babies for me.
In December 2010 i fell pregnant, i told my partner and he was so over the moon we couldnt believe that we were having a baby, i had to have regular appoinments with the Drs and they monitored me closely because of my history. Everything was going great i found out i was having a baby boy when i was 19.4 weeks pregnant when i was 21 weeks pregnant i was awoken because my waters breaking i was rushed to the hopsital and they said that bubby was still very healthy and happy, they monitored me extra carefully then onwards. Everything was still going good i was very weary but i managed to carry him until i was induced at 34 weeks. It was the hardest labour i had ever had it lasted for 34.5 hours active labour they were talking about having a c - section but then at 2.30pm on the 17th june i gave birth.
My life felt complete i had angel babies watching over my 2 boys and myself. I missed my first son so much i could see him in my other 2 boys. The boys were growing up so fast i was so happy they made me feel so happy and loved. In December 2011 my life took a turn for the worst i thought everything was going perfect until the 15th December 2011 i woke up to my 6 month old had stopped breathing. I screamed, cried and rang an ambulance i had to perform CPR on my baby boy finally the ambulance had arrived and they took over. They walked out to me and told me news that no mother wants to hear " i am so sorry but we have done everything we can we couldn't bring him back" i fell to ground in tears and didn't know what to do. I had done everything right, i asked them to proform a autopsy on my baby boy to find answers they told me he had passed away from SIDS. I had to do the thing no mother should have to do, i had to burry my own son. That was one of my hardest things in life to do, i do not wish that on anyone. My partner and i had fallen apart after everything as we were not close anymore we drew apart we broke up.
I stayed single for many years later. I got my current partner in 2014 and i told him everything that happened to me in my past he was very understanding and is always there for me on the boys anniversarys dates. In January 2017 i fell pregnant unexpectly it was not a planned pregnancy but we were both very excited, my partners mother took a turn for the worst and she ended up in hospital. I was under a lot of stress i was stressing about her as she was having seizures we thought we were going to loose her at one stage. In March 2017 i had a ultrasound when we went for it bubbys heart beat had stopped i had a missed miscarriage i had to take tablets to bring on the labour. After that all happened i said that is it no more babies i am done i can't handle anymore heart break.
I went on just worked and loving my baby boy who was now 10 years old he was my world my life he made me smile and gave me a reason to wake up every day. In June 2017 my mother in law had passed away it was really hard on us all, The last things my mother in law said to me was Sarah i am going to be a grandmother again i couldn't work out why she said that i was with her only son who was in a relationship i thought no there is no way i am trying again for another baby not after everything.
As the years when by my partner and i did start thinking what would happen if i did try again what would happen if we did try for a planned baby, we spoke about it at the end of December 2018 we weren't expecting anything to happen we just had spoke about it. At the end of January 2019 i found out i was pregnant we were both so scared thinking the worst through out the whole pregnancy i was so worried i couldn't handle loosing another child. When i was 37 weeks the Drs induced me i was in hospital for 3 days before they actually induced me i was in labor and i stood up i started to bleed the midwife told me it was normal, i knew it wasnt normal i had 2 other natural labors and that didn't happen during either one. 3.5 hrs later my Dr walked in and i said Jo im bleeding i was crying as i couldn't feel my baby kicking or moving she did a ultrasound and found out that bubby was in distress she rushed me in for a emergency C-Section thank god they got to him in time he was put into NICU for 3 days then he came to me i was relieved to have him in the room with me, I was able to go home 2 days later.
I am know blessed with a 12 year old son and a 22 month old son. I love my 4 children i always think of my 1st and 3rd son everyday, there is never a day that goes by that i don't think of them, I am Truly blessed to have them all.