I don't know what I am doing here, Richa whispered to herself. She was meeting Diya after 10 long years. She was not ready for it. Not ready for the look of utter shock that would settle on Diya's face when she saw her.
Yes she was a fat girl, thought Richa, but she was just tired of people’s judgement whenever they saw her, especially if they haven’t seen her for a long time. But Richa herself loved her body, and also she loved the way her face broke into deep dimples when she smiled, she liked her eyes that lit up when she was excited and her glistening hair that curled when caressed.
Why can't the world see this? Why was her distant cousin whom she met yesterday at the family function agape at seeing her. And then she started talking about her own exercise routine and the benefits of dieting. And Richa had to just nod and say good every now and then. That was the only conversation they had!
Yes she had been thinner before. But did they realise the struggle she was going through then? With her quest to look thinner and thinner, she had even become anorexic and she used to be socially anxious. There was an anxious part of her that she had masked very well, that no one saw her struggle. Not until her masters when all hell broke loose. From being obsessively attached to a teacher to being teased by friends about it, she had struggled. A guilt had settled within her that she said sorry unnecessarily while she had a nervous breakdown during her exams. It was the psychiatric medication that made her want to eat more and thus resulted in her weight gain. But could she explain that to her far cousin? Perhaps not. And perhaps she would not want to be burdened with it.
As she sat in the cafe waiting, Richa wondered, why was she so troubled and why did she care so much for what others thought? Had she really embraced her body or part of her still felt ashamed of it? And perhaps conveyed that shame to people when she met them. Yes, they may be surprised or shocked on seeing her, but how the conversation proceeded after that was still in her control. She could steer the conversation towards body positivity and acceptance rather than wallowing in shame.
Hi Richa! Long time! Diya had reached the cafe
Richa spotted a slight surprise on Diya's face for a second which was quickly replaced by warmth. As they both engaged in conversations like the long lost friends that they were, Richa forgot about her awkwardness about her body and just embraced Diya just as she learned to embrace her own body whole heartedly.