In college, I 'bought' a boyfriend.
I'll help him with his family's medical bills as long as he's with me.
This poor schoolboy humiliated himself by following me for four years.
Then my family went bankrupt.
He remained cold when we broke up, not a word of retention.
Later, I worked at a KTV to pay off my debts, and he became a tech nouveau riche and got together with his classmate.
He asked me, "Do you regret it?"
"No."
"But I regret it."
01
After all these years of graduation, I never thought I'd be reunited with Matthew Wilson in this way.
When I served the fruit plate, I kept my head down, afraid he would see my face.
Lydia is sitting next to him.
It's a good match for a man and a woman.
"Waiter." Matthew called me, "Cut the oranges."
I turned my back to him and cut the orange into slices.
A long time ago, when I loved oranges, Matthew would cut them for me.
He has excellent knife skills and was able to cut each slice to an even size.
At the time I thought he loved me.
I realized later that it was just his habit of thinking about everything but me when he sliced an orange.
It seems like half a lifetime since I've seen you in four years.
Somehow, the guests talked about their student romances.
Someone said, "I heard that Mr. Lee had a girlfriend for four years in college."
My hand lurched.
Matthew "Uh-huh."
"That's great. Four years. A full college year."
Matthew didn't pick up on it.
The man then got a little embarrassed and ran out of words, "After four years of talking about it, it should be memorable, right?"
Silence like a still river.
After an indeterminate amount of time, Matthew smiled softly.
"Not so much."
02
"It's a good thing Matthew doesn't hate her."
Lydia Schiff explains.
"Matthew and I went to the same school, back in the day it was really ...... ugh, hard on him. If it wasn't for my ex-girlfriend getting in the way, would Matthew and I have gotten together until now?"
"Yes, yes, Ms. Lydia is a big star, how can an ex-girlfriend be better than a star?"
The atmosphere warmed up again.
I pressed the brim of my hat and just wanted to get out of there.
The fruit knife cut my hand and I "hissed", drawing attention from the guests.
"What's the matter? You can't even cut a piece of fruit right?" Lydia complained.
"I'm sorry, I'll get a clean plate."
I put on my plate and had to run.
"And so on."
Matthew suddenly called out to me.
Word for word.
"Turn around."
03
It was as if my body was nailed in place.
One second, two seconds.
The foreman came up at the right time.
"I'm sorry, our colleague is new and not familiar with the work, so all the fruit plates are free for you today."
The foreman scowled at me, "Why don't you go get the new one?"
I was able to escape.
Then the foreman's sister told me.
"Be smart next time, we're all coming from newbies, and if you get a complaint, you'll have wasted your night."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Be especially careful in that VIP room. The room is full of VIPs, especially the youngest and most handsome one in the center, who is the owner of an innovative technology company.
"Sis, I'm a little scared, can you help me deliver the oranges?"
"Yes."
I was relieved.
If there's anyone in the world who's already offended Matthew, it's me.
I'm that annoying ex he talks about.
04
Jude remembered, freshman year.
Matthew stood out of place among the freshmen in his old, white-washed clothes.
He was meaty and poor.
It also stands up with the naked eye.
I love the clear, cold tones of his voice when he speaks.
Love the thin eyelids that droop down when he looks at me, too.
Matthew is very short of money, and the poor students' subsidy quota has been taken by counselors' relatives.
So one evening after class, I took his little tender hand like a wolf.
"Matthew, I like you. You should be with me. I'm rich. We'll share our living expenses. If I can't, I'll even give you money for a kiss."
Of course it was rejected.
But at that time, my life was going well and I didn't know what it meant to be frustrated. The more he refused, the more I pestered him.
Until his grandfather, who raised him, became critically ill, and without batting an eye, I settled his medical bills.
Matthew finally bowed to me.
I foolishly thought that I had helped.
It was a long time before I realized--
I got him and I broke him.
After we got together, he continued to work every day to earn a living.
He hasn't used much of my money and it's gotten worse.
There are rumors going around the school about Matthew.
Said he gave his life for money.
The way his classmates looked at him changed, and there were
People give him ugly nicknames.
Still optimistic and naive, I took his hand and said, "Don't mind them, they're all jealous."
......
I was living in my ivory tower and never realized that Matthew was on his own.
My senior year of college, my family went bankrupt.
I didn't tell Matthew.
I just called him out and said, "Break it up."
"Why?"
"Tired."
"Good."
And with that, we parted ways.
I guess he was happy to finally regain his freedom.
The day we broke up, I broke off my cell phone card, logged out of Google and Facebook, and got on a train to another city to work off my debt.
I didn't come back here until three months ago.
Matthew looks good.
He was already a schoolteacher, the kind of super genius who descended to strike the whole department in college, and only four years after graduation, he was already a tech nouveau riche who could be featured in financial magazines.
Lydia used to be the class valedictorian of our class and made her debut in her junior year.
I didn't realize they were together.
Pretty good pretty good.
I covered my chest, forcing down the sourness.
At 4:00 a.m., I get off work.
I was the last to leave, my coworkers thought no one was there and turned out the lights early and the elevator stopped.
I pressed the elevator button in annoyance, hoping to light it up.
"Make a phone call."
Matthew's voice suddenly sounded behind him.
05
I stiffened and called a coworker.
The elevator reopened and Matthew and I stood in the cramped space.
"You guys get off work this late?"
He asked nonchalantly.
"We can't leave until all the guests are gone."
"Do they pay well here?"
"Okay."
I kept my head down, the brim of my hat pressed against my face.
Matthew didn't seem to recognize me and chatted casually, then looked at his watch, "This elevator is really slow, my girlfriend is probably waiting impatiently, she's very clingy and pouty."
With a start, I realized he was talking about Lydia.
"What about you? You're off work so late, your boyfriend didn't come to pick you up?"
"I live close by."
The elevator is here.
When the door opened, I rushed outside.
Matthew , who had been calm for several minutes, finally exploded in anger at this moment.
"What are you running for?"
"Where else would you go, Lucy?"
"Is it fun to just walk away and evaporate?"
06
Matthew is getting closer.
He was still the same teenager I remembered, only his youthfulness had faded and he had become more mature and restrained.
"Google, Facebook logged out, phone numbers empty, even the teachers can't find you, Lucy Miller, you're amazing."
I slowly looked up and met his eyes.
"You should ...... have asked around with your contacts, right? My family went bankrupt, my dad got into financial trouble and hasn't paid his debts ......"
"Why didn't you tell me at the time?"
I was dumbfounded.
"Is it because you can't keep up appearances, Ms. Lucy?"
"No--"
Before the words left her mouth, Lydia walked over.
"Lucy! It's you!"
She's even more beautiful than she was in college, exquisite down to every strand of hair.
"It's been a long time, the class is looking for you, why haven't you heard anything for four years?"
"I'm going south."
"No wonder," Lydia said, looking at my clothes in amazement, "Lucy, isn't this the down jacket you bought junior year? Why are you still wearing it?"
I used to buy clothes and only wear them for the first year before throwing them away.
She asked that, trying to get under my skin.
But I'm numb.
"It's not broken, it's still wearable."
Lydia realized, "Are you having a hard time making ends meet? Why don't you tell me earlier, my old classmates will help you."
She drew a card.
"Take it and use it. You don't have to give it back."
"Thanks, but no thanks."
I looked at her, then at Matthew , and smiled quietly.
"I'm getting married soon. Remember to come then."
As soon as the words left his mouth, Matthew's entire being was staggered.
07
KTV is just my part-time job. I have to work during the day.
On Monday, a client came to the office.
Colleagues are gossiping, "I hear this client is a genius, and he originally created the system to find people."
"Huh? Who are you looking for?"
"Ex-girlfriend, I guess."
My eyes fluttered, and I had a vague bad feeling.
"Did you find him?"
"I don't know, the system is not done yet, the big boys have invested a lot of money, the prospect is boundless. This is not, our boss also want to cooperate."
I organize the information.
Matthew's voice came out of the reception room door.
"I'll have to reconsider the cooperation."
I pushed my way in and placed the information on the table.
Matthew's eyes burned, "What are you doing here?"
"Go to work."
This is my main job.
The leader was curious: "Xiaoyu, do you know Mr. Li?"
With some deliberation, I replied, "I've seen it."
"Just met?" Matthew is angry again.
I don't know what he's so angry about. Wasn't he the one who didn't turn his head on the day of the breakup?
He pointed at me, "Mr. Matthew, I'll sign the contract, provided I get Lucy transferred to me as my assistant."
The leader immediately agreed without even giving me a chance to retort.
They talked all day.
In the evening, I left work on time with my bag.
Matthew stops me: "Where are you going? I haven't told you to go yet."
"Mr. Lee, I can't work overtime today, I have things to do."
"What is it?"
"I'm going to make a delivery."
Matthew looked at me incredulously.
08
I used to be petulant enough to not touch takeout at all.
For four years in college, Matthew got out of class to run a delivery service.
His dinner, often, is a boxed lunch from a take-out company.
One time I went to see him.
In the small room, he huddled with a group of riders, picking at the rice in the box.
I said, "Matthew, why are you eating this? It's not clean."
His expression was uncomfortable, "Does it matter if it's clean or not?"
"Go, accompany me to have a steak."
I dragged him to a new western restaurant that cost over five hundred per person.
He stood in front of the restaurant for a long time and took off his take-out clothes in silence.
After the fall of the family, I finally understood his emotions that day.
As it is today.
It's snowing.
The floor was slippery, I fell and spilled my meal.
Called the client to explain, only to be scolded.
The client said, "You don't make excuses, late is late.
I couldn't care less about my scraped palms, which stung in the cold winter, and I said I was sorry.
Matthew appeared out of nowhere and picked up my car.
He didn't know when he came and how long he had been watching.
I subconsciously hide my hands behind my back.
"Don't hide it," he said, his voice hoarse and his eyes very red, "go rinse it off."
"I have to deliver the food first."
"Get in the car, I'll drive you."
The customer lived on the first floor, and when I arrived with the food, the other person muttered, "Shit, a Porsche driver also delivers takeout?"
I have to take the next order.
Matthew said, "Don't send it."
"No, I've earned too little tonight."
"Then I'll take it."
"What?"
With a ding-dong sound, the system automatically picked up the order he had assigned.
"I'll buy your time tonight."
None
09
Matthew drove me to his house.
I stood at the entrance to the foyer, refusing to go in any way.
"Lydia will be angry."
Matthew says, "What do you care about other people? What have you done to yourself?"
Aside from the scrapes on my palms, I was covered in dirty snow.
"And, Lucy, look at my room. Does it look like a woman's been here?"
"You don't live together?"
"I've never been with her at all."
Matthew dumped a contract on me.
"Half a year ago she approached me and offered to cooperate. She didn't want to be submerged and asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend, and at the same time, she would help me deal with difficult clients."
After a pause, he explained further as if he was afraid I wouldn't understand.
"Some of my clients like to put women in people's beds and think everyone eats them, and I get annoyed, and Lydia helps me block those out."
This contract is clearly written, no interference in each other's private lives.
Matthew took my hand and treated my wound.
I saw a row of unboxed hand creams on the shelf.
It was my old favorite brand, and Matthew bought the whole set for the house.
"Today, I asked your coworkers about it."
He spoke in a hushed voice.
"You don't have a boyfriend, and you said you were single last week at the reunion. Lucy, you lied to me on purpose, didn't you?"
"I'm not lying to you."
"Then show me the picture, you and the man."
"Never took a group photo."
"You're such a photo guy, you don't take a picture with your new love?"
"You reminded me, I'll show you next time I shoot."
Matthew was laughing at me.
He suddenly braced his hands on the couch and completely enveloped me in a crushing feeling.
I couldn't move, and I could still feel his warm body heat through my sweater.
"I bought your time. You know what to do, right?"
"I'll give you your money back, Matthew. I'm really getting married."
He felt down my shoulder but stopped at my wrist.
"It's inappropriate to be getting married and yet you're still wearing a bracelet from your ex-boyfriend, isn't it?"
10
I have a chain on my wrist that has long since dulled over time.
It was Matthew's first gift to me.
When I was 19 years old.
There was a week when I hardly saw anyone else except in class.
He ran around on various part-time jobs, working harder than ever.
On my birthday, my parents threw me a party at a fancy restaurant, and I told Matthew, but he didn't show up.
I waited and waited and waited until the evening, and then I finally waited for his call.
He said to meet me in front of the restaurant.
In the snowy sky, my teenager stood tall as a pine.
He was dusty, as I am today, and his yellow take-out suit was covered in mud.
At the time, I didn't understand anything and would only complain that he came too late.
Matthew rubbed my head and said he brought me a birthday present.
The bracelet was basic, not expensive, but also completely out of his financial league.
I loved it so much I put it on my wrist on the spot and never took it off.
Then my parents called me and asked me who I was talking to.
They don't like Matthew and don't think he's good enough for me.
By the time I turned around again, Matthew had disappeared into the blizzard.
......
To this day, it comes to mind in passing.
--At least Matthew liked me when he was 19, right?
That bracelet, he worked day and night for it.
Is he like me tonight, running and falling through the snow, yet still fearlessly moving forward for the sake of this bracelet.
But what about today?
He pressed against me, forcing himself on me.
His house is filled with luxuries that I used to love to use.
Is it just about me, or is it about humiliation?
I couldn't figure it out and involuntarily moistened my eyes.
Matthew froze and instantly began to panic.
He's never been able to get me to cry.
This is exactly the same as it once was.
He fumbled to wipe the corners of my eyes, "Don't cry, don't cry, it's my fault, I was just scaring you. Today is your twenty-sixth birthday, I bought you a new bracelet."
"What?"
I forgot myself. It's my birthday.
Matthew brought out a new gift box.
"Look at it. Do you like it?"
He's going to change my bracelet.
"Lucy, can we--"
The words were not finished when the doorbell rang.
Mason stood in the doorway with a cigarette in his mouth, "Where's Lucy? I'll pick her up."
"Who are you?"
"I'm her fiancé. Didn't she tell you?"
Matthew froze, dropping his bracelet on the carpet.
11
I'm going with Mason.
He doesn't open the windows, but he smokes one cigarette after another.
Choking and coughing.
Mason and I have known each other before.
He confessed to me when my family wasn't broke, but I was so focused on Matthew that I turned him down a few times.
Until last week, when he came to me out of the blue.
Mason said he'd pay off my debt if I married him.
I asked why.
He said smugly, "I'm going to prove that you chose the wrong person back then, the only one who can save you is me, that poor boy will only drag you down."
Oh, he's going to marry me just for his own heroism.
Just to put me on the spot.
It's ridiculous.
Today, I had no choice but to ask him to help me out.
Just make a phone call. I'll make an excuse to get out.
And I don't know how he got to the door.
I said coldly, "Why are you pretending to be my fiancé?"
"What's the difference? We're getting married soon anyway."
"I haven't promised you yet."
"So what choice do you have, Ms. Lucy, wake up, you're in debt, whoever marries you is a big bastard, who else would want you but me? Who else would want you but me, that man?"
Mason is contemptuous.
"He's your poor boyfriend from college, isn't he? I'm telling you, he's back to humiliate you. He used to be too scared to fight back, but now that you're down and out, he's probably laughing at you."
"That's none of your business!"
"Why don't you turn it off? He stole my woman from me before, so I'm going to rub it in his face now. ......"
"Mason, I'm not your property! I didn't promise you that before, and I never will!"
I get out of the car and Mason doesn't stop me.
"Is it up to you, Lucy, to think of your family?"
His flippant face, somehow, reminded me of the past again.
The people who started the rumor and made fun of Matthew, that's what happened, right?
Is it possible that in Matthew's mind, so am I?
12
The news of my return spread among my classmates.
Along with what happened to my family.
Ava, my college roommate, reconnected with me.
She was getting married and asked if I still wanted to be her maid of honor.
It was a promise we made once that the one who got married after would be a bridesmaid for the other.
On the day of the wedding, many old classmates came, and I added back everyone's Google and Facebook one by one.
Ava is wearing her wedding dress and has tears in her eyes.
"Baby, I always thought that you would be the first of the four of us to get married."
"If I get married.
How else can I be a bridesmaid for you if I'm gone."
"How dare you. Four years, no news. I'm pissed off!"
"I was wrong! I won't go away from now on, I'll stay and make amends to you."
Ava broke into tears and smiled, "Why did you vaporize at that time? If you're in trouble, we can help you."
I looked down at my toes.
Thought about it and said what's been on my mind all these years.
"I've never been so frustrated in my life, Ava, you know, just my whole life collapsed, I didn't know what to do, and I didn't dare to face everyone's gaze, even if it was pity I felt a stabbing pain. It was kind of an impulse, I just erased all my contact information."
Ava sighed, "Matthew is going crazy looking for you."
"What?" I froze.
"Don't you know? He used almost every method, looking for teachers, school authorities, almost called the police, he was a poor student, and he didn't have many contacts at that time, he couldn't find you, so he went to your house."
Ava looked at my face before continuing.
"As you know, he was afraid of your parents ...... but he summoned up the courage to go, but who would have thought that your whole family was gone, even your parents were gone."
"That's the first time I've ever seen Matthew break down. He's sitting on your doorstep, he's crying like a dog."
"And then, when he heard that you might be in the south, he went looking for you, but he couldn't find you either, so where the hell are you?"
I said sluggishly, "...... can't count the number of places. Because of the constant debt collection, our family changed names and almost every half month, we had to move."
"No wonder, it's a wonder he ever found it." Ava tsked, "Anyway, he ended up going back to New York disillusioned and just started messing around with that people-finding data system of his."
I don't understand.
I thought Matthew didn't care if I stayed or went.
Before I graduated my senior year of college, I had overheard a conversation he was having with a male dorm mate.
A male classmate asked him, "What are you going to do after graduation? Are you going to marry Lucy?"
Matthew said coldly, "No."
It hit me hard that day.
Shortly thereafter, the family fell on hard times.
I broke up straight away and he didn't hold back.
But what's the point of looking around for me?
Regretting the loss?
I'm a little confused.
When Ava threw the bouquet, I was distracted and missed it.
The bouquet landed on Matthew's hand.
The emcee said, "This man got the bouquet, congratulations, good thing, will you go back and give it to your girlfriend?"
"Don't bother."
Matthew came to me.
Hand out the bouquet.
13
The whole room was uproarious and the noise was about to lift the roof off the room.
Even Ava was screaming.
I can't answer it, I can't answer it, I can't answer it.
"Matthew, you've met my fiancé."
It's fake though.
"I don't believe your vision has gotten that bad."
"You'll think I have a bad eye."
"Well, even if he's real."
Matthew leans in slightly, leaning into my ear.
"Then you will abandon him and return to me."
The low voice was like a spell, full of compulsion.
I almost compromised.
Just a little bit.
After all these years, Matthew still manages to bounce wildly around my aesthetic zone.
After the ceremony was completed, old classmates came over to have a drink with me.
I accidentally drank too much.
Then I remember running to the stairwell to sit by myself.
No matter how busy it is outside, the stairwell is always the quietest place.
Matthew found me. "What are you doing here?"
I turned around and gave him a scowl.
Woah just cried.
"Matthew, I'm tired."
14
Matthew is responsible for taking me back.
I was crying all the time and couldn't walk, so when I got out of the car he hit the cross to carry me.
"I'm so tired. I have to work every day. When will it end?"
"Yesterday, a customer threw wine all over me. It was outrageous. It wasn't my fault."
"Matthew , I want salmon and sweet shrimp, oooooooh, I'm forgetting what they taste like".
I was incoherent from the effects of alcohol.
Matthew patiently coaxes me, but I don't listen to anything he coaxes.
At the end of the memory, he put me on the couch at his house.
He asked me, "What's so great about that guy?"
I replied in a daze, "He paid it back for me."
"I can do it too, Lucy, I'm better than him, I know your likes and dislikes, I know how to make you happy, Lucy, I'm begging you, please don't disappear again."
I can't remember a thing after that.
The next day, I woke up in Matthew's bed.
Not wearing an inch.
15
The table is filled with sashimi, of all kinds.
There is also a plate of oranges, cut into evenly sized slices.
Matthew said, "Took the day off for you. I don't have to work today."
"Oh."
When I sat down, I popped up again.
"You hired me?"
"Right."
"Did you tell my leader?"
"What's wrong?"
"He'll get the wrong idea!
"Between you and me, it's all true. What's a misunderstanding?"
"......"
There were actually no words.
"I checked with your leadership, and you're not doing the programming post because it's convenient for a part-time job?"
"Well, the programming post pays well, but there's always overtime, so I'll take a few more part-time jobs and make more than the programming post every month."
"Starting next month, you go back to the programming post, and you can quit all your part-time jobs."
"No," I politely declined, "it's been so long since I've written code, I'm rusty."
"It's okay, I'll teach you again."
He looks down and concentrates on shelling the shrimp, dipping it in the seasoning and putting it in my bowl.
Just like old times.
He always carefully shelled every shrimp for me.
In college, I actually didn't do well in programming classes.
But with a genius boyfriend tutoring you for free, you can't be too bad if you want to be.
I whispered, "Really forgot all about it."
Matthew scribbled a few lines on a piece of paper and sat down next to me.
"Here are some of the basics, I'll bring them along to help you remember."
It's a moment that seems like a real step back in time.
My teenager sits next to me and gently talks me through the questions.
After dinner, I'm going back to my house.
Didn't let Matthew give me a ride.
Fuming on the subway, suddenly I get Lydia's Google, Facebook.
"Baby, don't break Matthew's heart again, okay?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
"All these years, he's actually been trying to pay you back."
"Payback for what?"
"Money."
Lydia sent a screenshot.
Matthew, in his college dorm room group, said, "It's a relief to be paid off."
Others: "Congratulations~"
"It's such a big burden to take off at last."
"Afterward the mind is free, haha."
I was getting confused.
A debt text came in.
"The amount owed has been paid in full, in favor of Matthew."
16
The blood in his entire body froze.
My hand, which was holding the phone, kept shaking.
Thinking back on all the things--
Matthew was looking for me like crazy.
After the reunion, promote me and give me a raise.
Things said, things done.
Including last night.
Turns out, it's all about paying off the debt!
That's all!
Yeah, at the karaoke, Lydia said he hated me.
Maybe that's the truth.
Matthew doesn't like to be indebted to others.
From the beginning, I was just a big burden in his mind, a debtor.
In this moment, endless sadness engulfs me.
I don't even know how to blame him.
Eight years ago, I was the one who personally pulled him into a position that was not equal to mine.
It has been difficult to correct it ever since.
He was decent and didn't take for granted what I was giving.
He politely remembered it until now.
And yet it's better to forget.
With a nameless fire in my heart and my fingertips shaking, I message Matthew.
"Who told you to pay my debts without authorization?"
"Why don't you pay it off? You won't have to work multiple jobs."
"I don't need it."
"Lucy , don't be stubborn, in fact, I should have done this a long time ago, and I've been trying to pay you back for Grandpa's medical bills when he was alive."
His words stung me once again.
"I'll save up this money to pay you back, and in the future, we'd better not contact each other except for official business."
Matthew then called me a lot, and I didn't want to answer.
I took an extra day off work, locked myself in the house, and slept my ass off.
It's like trying to make up for all the sleep I've missed over the years.
I waited until the next morning for my mom to tell me.
Matthew stood downstairs all night.
I take the subway to work.
Matthew gave up his Porsche to ride the subway with me.
At night, I go to a karaoke bar as usual.
He'd take a small booth, sit in the doorway, and watch me go in and out.
He's like a stone statue that moves and follows me wherever I go.
This was repeated for several days.
I finally couldn't hold back and said, "Stop following me."
"If you don't follow, you disappear."
He counted on his fingers.
"Disappearing to other cities, disappearing to stairwells, disappearing without answering the phone, you're not letting me down."
I choked and said, "If I promise to pay back the money, I won't disappear again, there's trust between people, right?"
Matthew frowned, "What did you say? I don't have to pay it back."
He continues to be the shadow man behind me.
Until Friday, he didn't show up.
Lydia called in a rage.
"Matthew hit someone."
17
Matthew punched Mason.
It started because today they were together in an industry
Gathering.
Wasn't at the table. Mason probably didn't see him.
Suddenly there was talk of the vanished Yu family.
Mason said, "Mr. William has a daughter named Lucy who is very pretty! In the past, how difficult to chase, now how good to get, his family in a serious debt, I promised to help Lucy to pay the money, she will obediently with me. That girl, even if you spend so much money to buy home is not bad ah ......"
Before he could finish his sentence, Matthew's fist landed on him.
In front of so many people in the industry, he beat up the rich second generation of the Xiao family.
Outside the consulting room, Lydia blames me.
"Matthew has no background and has fought his way up to this point on his own, more than anyone else, but now because of you, he's destined to offend some people."
Lydia was annoyed, "Lucy, if you don't help him, just don't hurt him."
Scourge?
"Lydia, who are you to hold me accountable?"
Lydia froze.
Me: "You're just working together, didn't you agree not to interfere in each other's personal lives?"
"I can't believe he even told you this ......" Lydia was devastated.
In no time, she reddened her eyes and became very aggravated.
"Lucy , although Matthew and I are just partners, I really like him, you've disappeared for so long, so keep disappearing and leave him to me, okay?"
"Do you like him?"
"Yeah."
It was unexpected.
Because--
"But you're the one who started the Matthew rumor at school."
Lydia's face, instantly pale.
18
"I just disappeared, but not with amnesia."
I looked at her coldly.
"After Matthew and I got together, you blocked me in the ladies' room. Remember what you said?"
"You said-- Lucy, how much do you spend on your wallet Matthew."
Lydia panics: 'I, I don't remember ......'
"And then someone called Matthew the Duck to his face. Did you forget that? You're the one who gave him that nickname, aren't you?"
"No, it doesn't. You're a believer."
"I don't understand the rules of your circle, what would the fans think if it came out that a big star once verbally bullied a fellow student?"
"Lucy!" Lydia raised her voice, "You're the one who's making up rumors now!"
"Oh? Do you want me to get some of my classmates to testify?"
She deflated for a split second.
"Please Lucy, I'll give you any amount of money you want, just don't bring it up again, okay? And don't tell Matthew that I hurt him when I was young and stupid, but I really like him now and I can make it up to him."
"Do you think, even now, that you just hurt him?"
I shook my head helplessly.
"Lydia, you hurt me too."
"Then I apologize!" She panicked, "Please Lucy , don't tell Matthew, don't ruin my image in his mind ......"
Before the words left his mouth, the curtains of the consulting room were suddenly pulled open.
Matthew, stand by the window.
He seems to have been there for a long time.
19
Lydia was disoriented when she was evicted.
Matthew is not the generous one.
He hated those rumors back then and naturally didn't have a good opinion of Lydia.
Matthew doesn't usually swear much.
But he was a schoolteacher, and could make the other man have a lifelong shadow without a single dirty word.
Lydia probably wouldn't dare see him again after that.
"Are you okay?" I looked at Matthew , his wounds were shallow and all taken care of, "Will it affect your company?"
"Don't worry, it's not a big deal. But Mason needs stitches."
"Stitches are cheap, good luck disfiguring him."
Matthew laughed abruptly, "That's right."
"What?"
"That's you. How long has it been since you've said something so capricious? Say something more, I want to hear it."
"Fuck business, they're all a bunch of crooks."
"What else?"
"The price of beef has gone up again. Can we live in this world anymore?"
"Very good, go on."
"Work the fucking shift, I want to stay home and watch TV and sleep."
"...... Are you complaining about me?"
"I didn't, how dare I."
"You're the only one who dares."
The sun beat down on the snow and we both tossed and turned the whole way.
Suddenly it's like going back to being a student.
I let out all the emotions I've been suppressing for the past few years and cried as I talked about it.
"Will you wait for me? I'll give you all the money back."
Matthew's got his hands full again.
"What are you talking about? And why did you get angry all of a sudden? It's wrong for me to pay you back without authorization, but you can't just ignore me."
"You treat me like a burden, how dare I care about you?"
"Baggage?" Matthew frowns, "Who said that?"
"Lydia ......"
Wait, it's not like she's stirring up trouble, is it?
But the screenshots are certainly not fake.
I turned the chat over.
Matthew looked angry.
"I'm not talking about you at all!"
20
Matthew pulls out the chat logs from his cell phone.
He told his housemates that he paid off a batch of overtime project payments for the company.
It was then that those conversations took place.
The chat somehow got to Lydia, and when she cut it off, she misinterpreted a meaning.
"But how does she know that you're going to pay me back?"
"She has experience in paying off debts for people, so I asked her about it."
Matthew took the car to his house.
The third time I came to this place, but in a completely different mood than before.
"Let's get it out of the way while we're at it today." Matthew poured me a cup of coffee, "Lucy , I have a lot of questions for you."
"You asked."
"Why did you break up?"
"I've become a liability. Thinking about it, it's better to break up."
"Isn't it because you're tired of playing?"
After a few moments of freezing, I remembered that 'getting tired of it' was the reason I said when I broke up.
With those two words out of his mouth, Matthew walked away without looking back.
He sank, "I thought you treated me like a plaything for four years, and when you got tired of playing with me, and with the family changes and me not being able to help much, you didn't want me anymore."
How could he think that?
I opened my mouth before I could answer.
Matthew then snaps, "Even if that's the case, it doesn't matter."
He was the first to reveal his bottom as if he was afraid to hear the answer.
"Lucy, I've got it all figured out."
"Even if it's just as a plaything, I want to stay by your side all the time."
21
Matthew's eyes are as dark and moist as they were then.
I took his words and digested them for a few moments before I voiced, "You're mistaken."
"Uh-huh?"
"That's not true, Matthew. I've never treated you like a plaything. I'm in a serious relationship with you."
"Why are you angry?"
"Before graduation, you told your roommate that you wouldn't marry me."
Matthew was stunned.
He recalled half a dozen times, crying and laughing.
"What I meant at the time was that I had just graduated and I couldn't afford to get married. In fact ...... I started looking at diamond rings a long time ago, I just really couldn't afford it."
The two of us were right about one thing.
It was found that each other had made a misinterpretation.
Why is that?
The fundamental reason is that the reality of the conditions is still too great a disparity.
Matthew thought that I was picking him up for a laugh.
And I thought that Matthew was so upset that he had to be with me.
I don't even believe the other person is in love with themselves.
Circling back to the present.
Matthew asks, "Lucy , why would you rather have Mason's help than mine?"
"Because I like you and I don't want to get into a relationship like this with you--"
I suddenly understood.
Matthew nods, "Yes, I was in the exact same mood back then."
"Wait, did you like me when I confessed, too?"
"Yes, Lucy, I liked you before you did, actually."
22
"The first time I met you at freshman orientation, you said your name was Lucy, and I made a note of it. ......"
Matthew's account brought me back to my silly self back then.
He beat me to the punch.
It's just a late confession.
And my way of showing kindness was wrong from the start.
I took what he lacked the most and lured him in.
He then had a hard time talking.
He's actually said many times that he likes me.
It's just that no one believes it.
Everyone thought that he was telling lies, words to please me.
Over time, I believed it, and even he was on the verge of believing it himself.
--Is it Lucy, or is it Grandpa's medical bills?
After being laughed at countless times and realizing the gap between us, Matthew couldn't figure it out himself.
He was conflicted and wrung out, torturing himself day after day.
Anyone can help him.
I'm the only one who can't.
Because money tarnishes like.
Matthew, but if you don't want to be so strong, you can lie down peacefully beside me.
But he didn't.
It's because he didn't that he's my favorite teenager.
Matthew picks up an orange and begins to cut it slowly.
I suddenly remembered the day of the reunion.
"What do you mean, what you said?"
"If you can say something angry, can't I? I thought you were tired of playing, dumped me, and just disappeared for four years, as if you were deliberately avoiding me ...... I can't be angry?"
Seems like it could be.
"But Lydia says you hate me."
"I'm sorry, it's my fault for not rebutting her in time."
Matthew slowly and methodically cuts the last slice of orange.
A soft sigh.
"After all, I thought you really ...... didn't want me."
Snow drifted outside the window.
Lining the house is dry and warm.
At this moment, I was finally sure
, in the river of time, the teenager trekked toward me.
23
Matthew and I went back for our alma mater's anniversary.
He's going to be on stage as a representative of the outstanding graduates.
The school is still the same, only the youthful faces have changed.
There will always be someone young.
There will always be people who are in their prime for their ideals.
The graduate name tag fell out of his pocket.
A senior picked it up for me and said in surprise, "Sister, you're Lucy, aren't you?"
"Do you know me?"
"I'm an intern at Mr. Matthew's. You're a celebrity in our company."
"Really?"
I went to Matthew's office once and sat at the front desk waiting for him.
The front desk had the same reaction when they registered my name.
"Are you Lucy?"
Only to this day, I don't know why.
The schoolmate said, "That project of the company, there used to be a set of underlying core algorithms, which were said to have been written by Mr. Matthew when he was just working on this system."
"He left a note."
"If you meet Lucy, please tell her I love her."
"Anyone who's ever docked this algorithm has seen this statement."
I froze for a long time, then I heard my schoolmate say happily, "That's great, senior finally found the person he was looking for."
After the presentation, Matthew and I took a slow walk along the tracks of our former lives.
We walked to the entrance of the library.
Matthew looks at the large tree to his left, "This is where you confessed your love for me back in the day."
"Well, I remember. I was so brave then."
He stared blankly as the memories seemed to drift far, far away.
"matthew, are you having a good time in college?"
He has run, been vilified, and fallen.
Unhappy, I suppose.
But Matthew said, "Happy."
"Because of you, pain has become pleasure."
He turned, as he had done then, and looked down at me.
"Lucy, it's my turn now."
"It's my ninth year of liking you. Give me a chance, okay?"
It started snowing again.
Snowflakes fell on his head.
I curled my lips into a smile, "More of that in the new year, please."
Happy New Year, my teenager.
Happy New Year, my youth.
Even though there are regrets, we are, and always will be, the best we can be.
end