For many years my mind has served as a safe harbor for weary creatures in need of rest. I do my best to make them feel comfortable, to not judge them by their struggles, and to listen to and try to understand them.
After Depression, Loneliness, and many other creatures came to me, I was at my lowest. I had given everything I had and had burned out. I felt like I had nothing left to give. I didn't want to be a refuge for anyone else.
So when I heard someone at the door, I was tempted not to answer.
But I couldn't ignore the strange sound coming from the other side of the door. It was a low and guttural groan, like I had never heard before. It was loud and reverberated through my mind. I went to answer the door.
Standing before me, was a lioness.
I blinked and stared. Who was this creature and why had she come to me?
The lioness seemed to guess my questions.
"I am Strength." She groaned. Then she fell down, limp at my feet. I tugged her inside.
Day 3
Strength awakens after three days. She has been in and out of consciousness, but from what I can tell, she was utterly exhausted.
When she awakens I feed her and give her water. I let her rest without trying to ask her any questions, though I have many. Why had such a magnificent creature come to me?
Day 5
Strength is up and moving around now.
I ask her why she is so tired. She says she has been strong for a very long time.
Day 10
Strength has regained much of her strength after resting with me. But she doesn't leave yet. I believe she has something to share with me.
Day 11
Strength has noticed how down I've been. She helps me around the house.
Day 16
Strength and I talk a lot. We each share parts of our stories with eachother. I enjoy having her around.
Day 22
Today I ask Strength why she hasn't left yet. She says she's here to help me. I am surprised.
"I thought I was supposed to help you," I tell her.
She says, "You have. I want to give it back."
Day 24
I prepare meals for Strength and myself. We go on walks together in the snow and I feel more at peace. I want to keep this feeling forever.
Day 26
I tell Strength I don't want to shelter creatures anymore.
She asks me why. I say it is too painful.
She asks me why I think some people exercise every single day even though they know it will be painful.
I say, "Because they know it will help them in the long run."
She nods. "Because they know it will make them stronger."
I think for a moment. Then I say, "why should I try to get stronger? You were strong for so long, it nearly killed you."
Strength just stares back at me with her eyes that resemble amber stones.
Day 31
Today strength tells me that every time my life brings pain and I endure it, it prepares me for the next time. It proves that I can survive.
"Don't try to run from pain," she says. "It will always find you. You have to accept that."
I don't know how to respond.
Day 39
Today I tell Strength about Depression. About what he told me. He will kill me to save himself.
Strength's eyes burn into mine.
"Did he?" She asks.
"No."
Day 42
I tell Strength about Loneliness. How she never found someone who could love her and stay with her.
"You did that." She says.
I open my mouth, but I have no reply.
Day 50
Strength is going away soon. But she promises to come back, when I need her. I feel comforted by that.
Day 64
Strength will leave today. She tells me that I must keep going no matter what. That I must not run away from hard things, from pain.
She says she knows she will get tired again, that she will not win every battle. But she will keep fighting, no matter what. I must do the same.
"You are stronger than you think you are. You are capable of surviving again and again."
I believe her.