CHAPTER 1

Wang Yibo's POV

He woke up having so many thoughts in his head. 

He went to the kitchen and pour a glass of wine instead of drinking coffee. After, he went to the living room and sat on the soft couch.

It's been two months since 'TU' finished filming. And it's been six long months since he began to court him. Every day, since they were filming, he never missed sending flowers to him.

He never missed buying him his favorite Starbucks and chips. He never missed the opportunity to show him how much he likes him.

Until the filming was finished. He didn't stop sending flowers to him every day. 

He even sent his favorite chocolate 'chocolate blanc et langue de chat shiroi koibito'.

Because he really likes him.

Ohhhh no. 

It isn't the right word!

He fucking loves him! Love him so deeply.

Yes. HIM.

He is Xiao Zhan.

But...

He sighed.

All of these months, all of his efforts, seems like he doesn't appreciate it. 

He has many questions in his head.

Does he even like me?

I never heard anything he said as he likes me.

Does he care for me? 

Ahh yes, he does, but it seems that he only cares for me as his little brother.

He sighed again and he emptied the last sip of his wine on the glass he was holding.

But he never rejected me since then. He never told me to stop what I'm doing. So I thought I have a chance. I thought there's a chance for us.

But it seems that I was wrong all along.

My life is like an open book to him. I didn't hide anything. Because I want him to accept all of me.

Now I'm confused.

Maybe, maybe he's too shy to reject me. Because he knew my past burdened. He knew how people did bad things to me.

He sighed again.

Xiao Zhan has a beautiful soul.

Maybe He doesn't want to hurt me as others did to me. He's not rejecting me nor agreeing to have a relationship with me either.

But I am human after all.

I needed love too.

But it seems that...

I can't have that love I'm desiring for so long.

He took his phone out of his pocket and dialed someone's name.

"Hello, this is Wang Yibo. Please stop sending flowers to Xiao Zhan. Don't worry, I'll pay for our agreement. Thank you."

And he throws his phone on the sofa.

Maybe I can't really have you.

I will set you free.

Suddenly...

I'M TIRED.

CHAPTER 2

ZIAO ZHAN'S POV

He looked at his wristwatch. It is already 2:00 pm in the afternoon. He is sad. Very very sad.

He feel the spang of pain in his chest. 

Did he forget to send me flowers?

Did he forget to send me a message?

Why I feel so empty?

He dialed his assistant's phone number.

"What now?" He asked.

"I'm sorry boss, but there is still nothing flowers arrived." An answer he received from the other side of the phone.

It pissed him off.

"Ahhhh!! Wang Yibo you're so annoying!!" He screams internally.

What the fuck is going on? Why he suddenly ignores me??

Many questions in his head. But he needs to ignore it for a while because of his works call. 

He stood up and continue filming his new Olay endorsement.

This past few months after The Untamed finished on filming, left and right are calling him for endorsements. It's kind of a good opportunity for him so he grabbed it. It's good for him as a soaring actor but...

But he realized one thing. He admitted to himself that his time given to Yibo has lessened. It's not because he doesn't want to talk or chat or interact with him. But because of his very busy schedule. He thought that Yibo understands him. So he ignores the fact that this can make their special relationship at stake.

He sighed when the director snapped on his face.

"Earth to Xiao Zhan! C'mon, please focus."

And the shoot continued.

It's already 12:00 am when he arrived home. He just undresses, leaving his boxers on, and dive onto the bed. He felt so tired. Body and soul. 

Maybe he just forgot to send me flowers today. Maybe tomorrow he will send me two bouquets.

He consoled himself to be able for him to sleep. He closed his eyes, never realizing the tears fell from his eyes.

CHAPTER 3

Third Person POV

Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo continued their daily life as actors and endorsers. They travel from one place to another, where their works call them.

Yibo was fighting with himself every day.

One moment he will grab his phone and type: 

How are you, Zhan? Did you eat properly? I'm sorry for not calling and sending you flowers these days. It's because...

Then the next moment, he erases the text.

Yibo turned off his phone. 

He was lonely. He missed him terribly but he needs to continue what he started. And that is to let him go. Let him have a life without his shadow. He felt that he's just a burden to Zhan.

Maybe he likes someone else but he can't pursue because of me!

And Yibo's stupid mind thinking negatively again. 

I'm letting you go but how about me. I'm stuck on you. I'm stuck with my love for you. Seems that the world is crushing in front of me. How I will be able to survive this?

Yibo wiped the tears that rolls down his face.

It's been two weeks since he cut his connection with Xiao Zhan. He also changed his phone number.

Xiao Zhan on the other side...

"Fuck! What the fuck is your problem Wang Yibo??!!!" 

He throw his phone after dialing Yibo's number for how many times but he only received a voicemail 'the number you have dialed is out of coverage area' repeatedly.

Zhan is very angry. 

Did I made a mistake to him?

He asked himself repeatedly. 

He is lonely.

His daily happiness was gone. Seeing flowers from Yibo every day makes him smile. Reading chats, receiving calls from him makes him happy and contented.

They don't need to be with each other every day. Chats and calls are enough for their very busy schedule, but these things connecting them suddenly gone.

Ahh Yibo, did I annoyed you?

Let's talk baby, please. Don't do this to me. I'm dying inside already. Do you know?

Xiao Zhan let the shower washed away his tears.

CHAPTER 4

Wang Yibo's POV

"Did you two had a fight? Quarrel or what else? Why I haven't seen you talking to him these days?" His bodyguard asked him with concern. They were in the car heading to a Shopping Center.

"Ge..."(means old brother)

"Let's not talk about him please." He answered while looking away. Of course, his bodyguard knows that he courts Zhan.

Again, his chest aches. 

After a long drive, they arrived at the Shopping Center.

They went ahead to the skateboards section. 

On their way, two ladies approached them.

"Hello Hello! I am Jiang Sue and she's Katherine Park. Can we please take a photo with you Wang Yibo? We are your avid fan. Pretty please??" She asked him with a flirting tone.

His bodyguard suddenly went aside to give way to the girls their wish. Never did he knew that Ge grabbed his phone out of his pocket and secretly took a video of him with the fangirls.

"Kath, can you take us a photo please?" Jiang Sue girl asked her friend to take a photo of them together and he just smiles a bit and didn't say a word. 

After a moment of posing, the girls finally let him go.

His bodyguard rushed to his side.

"Wow! I thought it's the never-ending taking of pictures with you!" Ge complained.

He just laughed and walked towards the skateboard section. Never minding what happened. Well, they're nothing to him. 

He shrugged.

Xiao Zhan's POV

All he could do is to stalk Yibo's accounts to know how is he. What was he doing? What's his latest news! What are the trends about him?

Now, he is completely crazy.

Totally admitting to himself. He was lost without him. He's in tears every night before he sleeps. He can't even eat properly. His heart was damaged.

He falls into deep thought...

In the beginning, he didn't take Wang Yibo's words seriously. He thought that it was only a teenage love he was feeling for him and he is too old for him too. He was scared to acknowledge that feeling tingling in his heart. Because from the very start, he fell for him already. But he chooses to keep silent. He chose to just let him do what he wants because he was happy too. But he was scared to finally commit with him because he was scared that he may have a change of heart.

Now as he thinks of the possibility,

"Does he have a change of heart? Does the moment I'm scared before is the reality now?" He asks himself while continue scanning his phone.

And suddenly, suddenly his heart stops beating. He blinks many times before the tears fall down his cheeks as he reads one of Yibo's hot searches.

Jiang Sue and his boyfriend Wang Yibo went to Shopping Center together. They are so sweet, isn't it?

Under the caption has three photos of the girl and Yibo in different poses.

His hand is shaking. 

Something in his chest is piercing.

Is this the reason? Is this the reason why suddenly he ignored me??

God, it hurts. It hurts so much.

He cried and cried until there are no more tears to cry for.

CHAPTER 5

WANG YIBO'S POV

"Bo! Bo! Did you scanned your Weibo??!" Ge asked him anxiously.

He shook his head. He has no appetite to scan his phone.

"What's the matter?

Ge showed him photos of a girl with him with a caption saying Wang Yibo and his girlfriend...blah blah blah.

"Who is she?" He asked.

"The girl from the shopping center. I already investigate her. A daughter of a rich businessman."

"Ahhhh," he nodded.

"What?! You won't do anything about this matter?!" Ge shouted at him.

"Let her do what she wants as long as she doesn't pester me." He answered casually.

Deep inside his heart, he wants to use this opportunity to know what Zhan will do. 

Will he get angry with me?

What he will feel knowing I have a girlfriend?

But...

How can I be able to know his reactions and feelings?

He looked down the floor and sighed.

Not even a single time that he doesn't think about him.

"Talk to him Wang Yibo, before you lose your mind." Ge suddenly said before leaving him dumbfounded in the living room.

He swallowed hard.

I AM LOSING MY MIND ALREADY.

THIRD PERSON POV

As time goes by, Jiang Sue girl became famous. Her name is always stuck to Wang Yibo. She's very happy because Yibo didn't deny it all. And it makes her believe that Yibo doesn't mind the rumor. 

Slowly, she followed him anywhere. In the shooting set, in his studio, she began to become obsessed with him. And she approached him too. As if making pieces of evidence that they are a real couple. People are seeing her on the set, giving Yibo water, snacks, and anything she could provide. She's rich anyway.

Wang Yibo can't just reject her. As respect for her being a girl and besides the fact that she's only being friendly to him. So he just accepted all she provided, well, let's say he has no choice since she doesn't accept it back. He let her do what she wants.

But Jiang Sue is nothing to him.

One afternoon in Yibo's apartment, Ge approached him...

"Didn't you suddenly stop courting Zhan because you feel that you are nothing to him?" Ge asked.

Yibo didn't look at him but he nodded.

Ge continues...

"Isn't what are you doing now, letting Jiang Sue approach you every day is just like what you did to Zhan?"

Yibo looked at him.

"Straight to the point."

"What I am saying is, do you want her to suffer too like how you suffer because of Zhan? Have mercy on her Bo. Don't pass your misery to other people. We both know that you feel nothing special for her."

Yibo looked at his hands. He clasped it. 

He is nervous. Ge was right.

"Cut it before you damage her. Cut it before you regret the consequences. Don't push her too far Bo." And Ge tapped his shoulder assuring that everything will be alright.

But fate played tricks with them...

CHAPTER 6

THIRD PERSON POV

In the second week of October 2018, Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan cross their paths accidentally.

It happened that they had a shoot in the same location, but they are far away from each other.

When they saw each other, the world stops.

Meters away but they're looking intensely at each other.

Love, loss, and longing were visible in their eyes.

Their hearts are thumping so fast that they could feel anytime it will get out from their chest.

Xiao Zhan wanted to cry.

Wang Yibo wanted to cry.

But tears are not needed during that time. People, staffs, and co-workers were everywhere. They needed to pretend they were fine.

But the world seems they were the only person existing. Slowly, Zhan steps forward without breaking his gaze with Yibo.

He crossed the line.

‘It is now or never', Xiao Zhan thought.

XIAO ZHAN'S POV

God, I missed him so much.

Please give me the strength to talk to him.

Give me one more chance to be with him.

He walks slowly. His chest is pounding drastically.

It is now or never. 

He crossed his fingers inside his pockets.

He was almost there, in front of him. A meter away.

"Bo, let's talk." He approached him slowly.

He saw Yibo blinked many times before he nodded.

But out of nowhere...

"Baby! I'm sorry I'm late. the traffic is very heavy, so disgusting!" 

A girl named Jiang Sue holds on to Yibo's elbow the time she reached him.

"Ohhh! You are the famous Xiao Zhan! Oh my God, nice to meet you!" She said when she saw him. She reached her hand to handshake with him but he ignored it.

He just nodded to the girl, smiled sadly then turned his back. Leaving them behind without a word.

He walked hurriedly, going back to their location side. And he never dared to look at Yibo's direction again!

WANG YIBO'S POV

He doesn't know what to do. God knows how much he wanted to talk to Zhan but this stupid girl showed up and called him baby! He was so annoyed. He greeted his teeth when Zhan walked away. He suddenly grabs Jiang Sue's elbow and pulls her at the corner.

"What the fuck did you do? Why did you call me baby in front of him?!" He asked angrily in a low tone.

The girl was shocked when he confronted her. Confusion showed on her face.

"It hurts Bo." She's about to cry.

He let go of her hand when he realized he was holding her tightly. Angrily, "Don't come near me again. I don't want to see you anymore," he said before he left her.

Jiang Sue cried. But he needed to end her fantasies. She's suffocating and annoying.

I need to think of ways to talk to him. I will apologize for my stupidity!

He looked in Zhan's direction, he stares for a couple of minutes, sadly, he never looks at him. Until he resumes his shoot, he kept on looking in Zhan's direction but he never looks back at him.

It is so painful.

He is so near, yet he is so far.

This is all my fault.

He sighed in despair.

CHAPTER 7

THIRD PERSON POV

Jiang Sue was confused. At the same time so angry! Why the hell Wang Yibo just rejected her because of calling him Baby?! Is it not the first time she called him that way. What's the difference between being called in front of that guy?!

She investigates who is Xiao Zhan. Yes, she knows that they worked together in "Chen Qing Ling". But what's the matter? 

She digs for information. She paid people to know the real score, and she was shocked by what she found out.

[Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan are not just friends. There's more than that. They are not in a relationship when we worked together but I can say that they are lovers]

Jiang Sue threw the files she's holding. Besides the note, there are also intimate pictures of Yibo and Zhan. Like holding hands while talking somewhere in the CQL set. Looking at each other intimately and many more. She can't deny the love between them.

"But why the hell Yibo allowed me to get closer to him?!" She asked Katherine who was with her at that moment. She won't accept her sudden defeat!

She plans a way to get back to Yibo. Because she really likes him.

XIAO ZHAN'S POV

One of the staff told him that there's a person who wants to talk to him in the waiting area. He hopes that it is him so he hurriedly went to the place just to feel disappointed when he saw her. Of course, how can he forget that face?

The girl approached him quickly, 

"Can we talk for a while, Mr. Xiao?" 

"Yes, a staff told me that you wanna talk to me, what's the matter?" He asked politely.

"I will straight to the point. I learned that you and my boyfriend had a special relationship. Look, we are good now, can you please spare him? Do you wanna ruin our relationship?!" She said frowning.

He felt nervous and shocked but he maintains his calm face. 

"I'm not ruining anyone. Yibo is just a good friend to me..." He stopped when he felt his heartaches, he continued, "...I'm just greeting him the other day because we didn't see each other for a very long time. I believe I didn't make a mistake. Don't worry, I won't talk or contact him anymore." 

And he walks away even before the girl could answer.

It's over now. I wasted it all!

His tears fall down. Nothing he can do now.

"Zhan", he looked at the person who called him. It is his assistant that he didn't notice just behind, following him. He reaches out a handkerchief to him. And he tapped his back. He didn't say a word. He understands what he feels. Because he is one of 'their' witness.

"Thank you. I'm fine." He assured the man.

And he decided on one thing. He needs to escape.

Last week of October, he flies to Japan.

WANG YIBO'S POV

He walks back and forth in his living room. He heard nothing about Zhan for the past three weeks and it scares him so badly.

Where is he? Where is my baby? Where are you, Zhan?

I want to apologize. I want to make it up to you. I will kneel down to you. But where the hell is you?!

His work was affected already. He can't focus any longer. He already paid people to look for Zhan but he learned that they haven't seen him at works and in his house. 

"Argghhh!" He shouted. He throws all the things in the room. He doesn't know what to do. He is crying. He is already crazy.

"God Wang Yibo!!" Ge shouts at him when he arrived. He asked him to buy beer outside. "What the hell are you doing? Look, I have someone with me."

He didn't pay attention until Ge shook him. "Look at me Wang Yibo! Calm yourself kid, please!" 

And the next thing he knows, he was in his arms. Ge hugged him tightly. Calming him.

"Listen, Bo, I saw Zhan's assistant in the store so I grabbed him here." 

His eyes widened. And he hurriedly went to the man standing near the door. He pulled him to sit on the sofa and asked him many things.

Finally, he knows now where is his Zhan. And he finally learned what bitch Jiang Sue did to Zhan! He is so furious!

The next day, he filed a case against that girl. And she restricted her to go near him. 

He is very angry.

The second week of November, he flies to Japan to chase his love.

FINAL CHAPTER

Xiao Zhan looked at the sky. He is on the balcony of the hotel he was staying. It's been two weeks since he left China. But he can't find peace in this place at all. His mind is occupied by him. He has many questions in his head.

"How if I didn't restrain myself? How if I didn't control my emotions? How if I commit with him? If only I was brave enough, maybe, maybe I'm not miserable right now."

There are many what if's. There are many questions. Questions he knows cannot be answered anymore. 

"I regret wasting my chance to have him. Now he has someone else to take care of him. I am stupid. I am useless. I wish him to be happy. May that girl take good care of him"

His tears fall. 

His heart broke into a million pieces. Miserable is his definition right now.

Moments later, the doorbell rang.

He didn't bother to fix himself. He knew that he looks miserable and empty. But he doesn't care at all. Anyway, it's only the hotel staff.

He opened the door. 

His eyes widened. He is dreaming. The man in his dreams is standing in front of him. The man that haunting his mind all the time is looking at him in tears.

"Wang Yibo." He whispered. His body shakes. He couldn't believe what he is seeing.

"Zhan-ge. Please come back to me. I am sorry for what I've done. I'm sorry for losing you. Forgive me, Zhan." Yibo said while crying. 

He is miserable, miserable like him.

Zhan didn't say a word. He grabbed him and hugged him tightly. It's so good to be with him once again. He cried.

It's now or never.

Xiao Zhan cupped Wang Yibo's face and said the word that Yibo longed to hear.

"Don't push me away again, Yibo it hurts like hell. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH."

And he kissed his lips for the first time.

Finally. Their hearts are at peace.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH XIAO ZHAN."

END.