Compassion, Sympathy,
and Joy.
The sun was hot, blistering hot. I couldn't bear to look up any longer as the light hurt my eyes and scorched my face. So I looked down, watching the sand beneath my feet shuffle with every step. I don't know how long I have been lost in this desert but I know soon enough I will find my fate in these endless dunes. My clothes are tattered, my feet bare and swollen from the heat radiating off the sand. No words could describe the torment that consumed me. The torment did not come from the sun, or the sand, or the pain, or this seemingly endless desert. No, this came from within. From the day I turned my back on you, the day I sought a life for glory and fame and thought I could do it all alone. I was a fool.
You showed me compassion, sympathy and joy. Our life was beautiful and for some reason I could not shake the feeling that there was more out there. Your eyes were wet and hands were shaking when I said I was leaving. You begged me, then got angry. You told me you were always there by my side and anything I wanted to do you would be there with me, always. You were right, but I could not see it. Your love was intoxicating and so easy to lose myself in I thought If I escaped I could be free to be who I was really meant to be. I was mistaken though, I was graced with something as beautiful and loving as you and I threw it away with no reason more than fear and greed. Your eyes were like water, glistening, evermoving and enchanting. As water is the giver of all life your love was the giver of mine.
Some people do not know what they have until it has left them, or heaven forbid you left; which I can tell you is the worst of the two. I decidingly and knowingly bid you goodbye and as you clawed at my feet and begged me to stay I showed you no sympathy and left without looking back. I couldn't. If I did I would have been lost again and maybe would have never left. If I could do it again I would have looked back. To see you there, on your knees, crying, looking at a man not only hours ago promised you the world. I would have come rushing back sweeping you up and promising to never leave you again. If I could see you again I would do anything for you, I would give you children, a home, and love. Things so common but rarely appreciated, as I didn't until it was too late.
Now I'm alone. Night is coming which will relieve me from the torture of the sun, but on the other side of the coin of fate it will let my thoughts and memories seep into my mind and give me nothing but pain and misery. I do not know which is worse. All I can think of is you.
The night we found each other, the night you danced by the fire and although there were many eyes on you the only ones you seem to meet were mine. Your body moved with the elegance of the wind and your energy seemed to engulf everything around it, taking everyone's fears, lusts, passions, and regrets and covered them like a moss on a tree so that no one knew anything but joy and love. As you stopped others took your place and tried to keep the fire going. Though the flame of passion was never as hot, I did not mind as you came and stood in front of me and took my hand. I still remember the feeling of my heart pounding against the restraints of my chest like a prisoner in a cell smashing the walls with a hammer.
You changed me that night, with all the good intentions of the world you showed me your love. Compassion, sympathy and joy were things I never had and when you gave them to me at first I did not know how to handle it, and eventually I let my lust for more conquer them and I cast them aside as a child does with a broken toy. I was a fool. Now I am here, in the night. Begging for the sun to never return, as it shows me neither compassion, nor sympathy, nor joy. I only wish for forgiveness now. For the decisions I made, promises I broken, and gifts I never truly appreciated. I am sorry. I only wish I can tell you that.
As I let these thoughts consume me all of the sudden I see a light. It dances across the sky as I look to find its origin in the distance. With this glimmer of hope I look and see in the distance what seems to be a lantern, so I start running. With strength I could not seem to muster before my feet now move with the swiftness of a lion. I soon see a silhouette by this light source and I get more excited. The light grows brighter as I approach and when I finally do I find a figure hidden in cloak and shadow with the only exposed skin being the pale hand holding the lantern. It stood tall, covered in a raven hood, with a presence that brought me to my knees.
I could not look up, my head weary from my helpless journey, so I just kneeled with my gaze watching the cloak lay on top of the sand. "Please, help me." was all I could muster out of my choking throat. I did not get an immediate reply, so I repeated myself louder "Please help me!". No reply again. As I was about to repeat yet again I heard in a familiar voice "What is it you need?". The question went through me, I thought of food, water, shelter, guidance, a direction to travel, but I knew what I needed most and with all the strength I could use I said "forgiveness.". The being then touched my shoulder, and I felt warmth pass through my soul as if someone had just lit a fire inside me. I see the lantern being placed on the ground in front of me and the dark figure kneel to meet my gaze.
I finally had enough in me to look up and when I did I froze. It was her. Under the hood in the shadow I see her gaze. The water of my life has come and found me. How? How is this possible? After everything I did and everything I put you through you came to me. "Why?" I asked her. She smiled, removing her hood and revealingly her long brown hair to glisten against the light of the lantern. She said "You're only human, and though you have shown me pain and loss I can not hold you to this forever. Life is too short to hate for longer than we need too." She continued "I do not hate you my love, I only wish you could have seen through the fog of your mind and embrace me with all of your heart.". After hearing this I cut in "I see that now, if you gave me another chance I could show you who I was always meant to be, which is your lover, your friend, your soulmate. Please believe me, you are all that I ever wanted and all I will ever need. Please. I'll give you love. I'll give you compassion, sympathy, and joy." She smiled at me. Her gaze pierced my soul. "I forgive you." is all she said. I started to weep, then weep harder as I felt her embrace me for all that I am, faults and all. I am yours, is all I thought to myself. I laid on my back and closed my eyes, knowing life can change, and anyone, even a man like me can find love that he thought was lost.
As I opened my eyes I see she donned her hood again and was holding the lantern. She gestured me to follow, So I stood up, feeling lighter than before, the pain from my feet and face was gone. I followed her, knowing all she could give me was love. When she returns the gifts that I foolishly tossed away, I will make sure to put them on the tallest pedestal I can create and never let them down again, for indeed I know now the haunting life of no compassion, no sympathy, and no joy. I followed her, I loved her.
When the sun came back up it's ever burning gaze found its place among the desert. Where a body lay for some time now. Though the body was red and soon enough will be swallowed by the ocean of the desert. In this moment it was facing up. Finally at peace, and nothing could take that away. Love was returned to the soul that once was in the body and now where it lay eventually an oasis grew. Water and life took its place born out of the love of a soul that was planted there. A soul that finally understood compassion, sympathy, joy, and love.