It was strange to her, all the new smells and colures. Ever since the accident, all around her had been transformed from cool blues and placid whites to deep reds, yellows and earthy browns. Even the smells of her old life, freebrees and overpowering floral flavored air fresheners had been replaced by sweet smelling tobacco, old leather, cinnamon and engine oil.
Even the sounds had changed, for example rite now he was playing vitamin C by Can, a song she had never thought of listening too before now. Never the less there she was, enjoying the sound as he sat on his big leather chair, rolling another cigarette. He took a sip of his JD on the rocks and looked at her sitting across the room by the big complicated soundsistem, fiddling through his extensive LP and CD collection. She looked up and court his too blue eyes narrowed as he studied her. The pit of her stomach gave a involuntary lurch.
"Did your mother not listen to much music?" he enquired in his deep husky voice. She skipped to the next song which turned out to be Jonny Cash, Ah, this she new.
"No" she said, breaking his intense gaze. She was so aware of him still looking at her. It was embarrassing but on the other hand she didn't want him to stop. As the soft acoustic music filed the room he rose from his seat, lit cigarette and JD in hand and walked over to where she sat.
"I'm going to have to broaden your music taste" he chuckled, making himself comfy on the deep mahogany floorboards beside her.
"Ah, this you should like" he said as he reached across her to a stack of CDs styrene on the floor. She was electrically aware of his face so close to hers. A warmth spread through her body like wild fire. His deep sea blue eyes flickered to meet hers. He stared at her, through her, inside of her. She couldn`t breath. HIs brow furrowed as if confused, his eyes flickered to her lips and then back to her eyes. Her heart stopped and them leapt back in to action twice as fast. He made a lurched movement towards her and then caught himself with a sharp intake of breath. He stared at her, jaw clenched, still inches from her face.
He sighed and put the CD into her hand.
" Listen to this, you'll like it." and with that he stood up walked to his room and swung the door shut behind him. But she caught a gimps of him sat on his bed hand over his mouth, eyes shut, brow still furrowed. Then, seeming to decide on something, he drained the rest of his short glass, pulled on his cigarette, shook his head and exhaled.
She had been living with him ever since the accident. For 5 weeks she barely saw the man, sending spent her time shut up in her room curled into a tight ball of sheets, crumpled body, emptiness, wishing for nothing less than nothingness, non existence, but of cores always disappointed. She only saw him when he brought her food and left it by the door, and when he collected the picked at tray of the day before. She knew that he wanted to help. He had tried to offer her comfort and companionship, but had eventually reassessed the situation and decided she needed space and had therefore taken to letting her have her solitude, after constant and ice cold rebuffs and demands to be left alone from within the sheets. One night he came in, sat on her bed, pulled her onto her back so she was facing him, holding her down so she could not role away from him and the situation, and life. He stared her deep in the eyes, his piercing blue shining, seeming to swirl in a hypnotic spiral, deep into her conscious.
"Lucy" he said with urgency squeezing her shoulders with his arms and his wait with every word, as if to enforce them "what happened to your parents was tragic. No one wants to loos their family. Especially to a drunk driver, but Lucy..." his eyes burned hers and filled her stomach with golden warm lava that splashed uncontrollably though her brain, awakening her, dragging her through a swirl of dark despair whooshing back up to reality. The golden burning fire of life and desire flooded down her chest and deep in to her body
"...Lucy you can`t let yourself down like this, giving in is letting them down too. They didn`t bring you up just so you can stop living like thins. Your mother was my friend for 25 years! But you have to try! I`m not saying it`s going to be a walk in the sodding park kid, but you have to be strong and live your life!" stopping to take a breath from his rant Jack saw tears falling down Lucy's soft white face. Her big watery brown eyes blinked up at him. He was brought up short as a familiar warm feeling had just flickered into life in the pit of his stomach. Dismayed at his own body`s inappropriate and semi perverse reaction to having the beautiful young girl in sutch close proximity, he found under the covers , never the less a daughter of a dearly loves and departed friend.
"I'm sorry Jack, I just don`t know how to start pulling myself out of this" and the wave broke. She had not really cried about the loss of her parents, feeling too empty for emotions. She cried now. He pulled her up from the bed and into his arms, squeezing her tight as the golden light of desire secretly burned inside of them both.
Time seemed to move slowly in the smallish two bedroom flat. It was like the place had its own warped time reality. The time sped by when she was at school. She barely remembered first lecture. Before she knew it she was sat at the cafeteria table, plastic tray in hand, holding a plate of plastic food. Then the buzzer was ringing to tell the tired and irritable students it was the end of the day. Were had it gone? However in there flat, it was as if the earth stood still. They were in their own world. No one disturbed them, to the secret pleasure of them both.
It had been six months since then and she was fast on the road to being half way hole again. Now that she had starting to get used to this old family friend, the unbidden and forbidden desires were mounting, she ached for his touch, haunting her dreams with big hands stroking up her thy, over her lips and across her belly up to her expectant breast. He too acknowledged the yearning desires in his sole but was determined not to give into them. His desires resealed with his moral code, on a regular day to day basis, catching him thinking of her in "that" way from day to day to hour to hour to every other mint. He was ashamed and repulsed by himself but he found just being around the girl intoxicating, intolerable and mentally bruising. Like she was an innocent flower that omitted clouds of sweet smelling seductive fumes that forced its way into his nose and lungs engulfing him in a poisonous gut retching desire. But his resolve stood furl, unyielding like a dame holding back the floods. All he needed to do was think of Lucy`s mother's face, and it was like a slap in the face, bringing him back to reality. He had loved her mother like a sister.
They had attended university together and stayed stead fasted friend until the day she had died. admittedly they had first met as lovers, but after several years they came to love each other as friends, a different kind of sole mate, like a sibling reincarnated to see this life through together too. Caraline's true love of cores had been David. they fell in love and they stayed that way. the happy newlyweds bought a house , settled down and realized a child. they seemed to have the perfect life. until it was all taken away by a stupid, retched, oxeygen-theif drunk driver! Jacks hole world seemed to turn black at the thought. the familiare dark and forbided thoughts slitherd sly-lie back into his thoughts from the dark depths of his troubled mind. he had never really seen much of lucky when she was growing up.though of corse he had seen allot of caraline, at least he seemed to remember her talking to him, a scorecard and angry face. though of corse with hind sight he understood why she was worried about him. that was in the dark ages, the ten years lost to dak nothingness, the years of sex, drugs and rock &role. Jack chuckled drily at the thought. having no coherent memory of ten years of his like still staggerd him.by the time he had sortid himself out, he only had a year and three quarters with the hole Dee family before they were parted once more, forever. he had only known her properly as the woman, he mentally slapped himself, as the girl she is today. she had always been pretty and he had always admitted so, but she had never allured him this way. he had never felt sutch urning to be close to her. the urge to touch her face or brush her hair back. damn! mental shake! he had to do something! there he way, daydreaming about her again. he couldn't help it. something had to be done. but what?sudden urged tightened his stomach like a vice, he knew what he yearned to do , but should he, could he, do it?
