Closed off.
Like a door you shut, and just like that, I'm a little girl again. Wondering what I had done this time to make you mad. Did I not close the tap properly? Was it something I said? It has to be me, right? It always is. God, I'm so dumb.
The aching anxiety filled nausea starts building up again. And just like that I shrink back into my shell again. Feeling like an absolute burden. My mind racing with every single bad reason it could be.
The adult in me reasons that the world does not revolve around me, that sometimes people just have a bad day sometimes. There could be other factors at play here.
The teenager in me rages and could not care less. She'd rather drown in all in hard liquor. The burn of vodka down her throat would hurt was less anyways.
But the little girl in me, oh bless her soul, she's backed up into a corner. Sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. Wondering why she can't do anything right and trying to find ways to fix whatever it is.
Then like a door you open again, and the voices stop. The storm clears and my heart feels lighter again.
Whatever the explanation, I don't care. All that matters is that you love me again.
But just like the four seasons, nothing lasts forever. And the realization dawns on me like the sunset.The realization that you've become the center of my world. I cannot go through this again.
Then the storm starts brewing again, and the voices start.
But this time it is I who closes the door. And for once, chooses myself.
