BLENDED FAMILY is not your typical family. Their looks as well as their personality is a bit far out there but is sure to keep you roaring with laughter. Let me introduce you to the characters that will remain stuck in your head, but in a good way!
HARRY (also known as STEP POPS): He's a cool dad and step-dad to his new wife's children. Harry met his wife Sylvia five days ago and he asked her to marry him right away. They decided to buy a bigger house so they could blend their family together. Step Pops is the biological father to two sons. His oldest son Marcus is sixteen and Marcus has extremely large ears that he's not quite aware of. His youngest son Craig is fourteen years old and has extremely large feet. More like a clown. Craig stomps around the house often putting cracks in the floor.
SYLVIA ( also known as mom number 2): Is the stepmother/ mother. She has a good personality but can be very dense at times, mostly an airhead when it comes to her daughter's size. Sylvia has two biological kids. Her daughter Sasha is fifteen and she has an extremely large body with a very small, tiny head. Sasha thinks she's the most popular and prettiest girl in school...she thinks. Her little brother Tevin is fourteen with an extremely large nose that he like his new step brother Marcus, is not aware of his large nose.
This will not be your typical family as BLENDED FAMILY will keep your belly moving up and down as you belch out into laughter!
BLENDED FAMILY
Harry and Sylvia are just leaving the justice of the peace after getting married. When they walk outside they're met with their four children, holding a pot of cooked green beans, they throw the green beans instead of rice causing the green to stick all over their white clothes. They look a mess. Step pops wipes the green slime from his suit while making funny angry faces at the kids. They all try to get into their dad's huge truck but are having difficulties as the big feet, the big ears, the big body and the big nose all try to fit in at once. Finally they're inside and travels down the road to their new home. Once the family arrives at the house they stand outside admiring it.
"THE DAY WE BLENDED"
Sasha: "Ooouu mama, is this the house? We done moved on up!"
Marcus: "Uh oh everybody get out the way because if Sasha done moved on up, she's bound to crush everything when she comes back down."
Sasha: "I know you not making fat jokes...DUMBO."
Marcus: "Nope, just Sasha jokes, their funnier than fat jokes!"
Harry: "Marcus cut it out boy, Sasha is your sister now, you gotta be more polite. Besides she's pretty, and she's popular, you know you're gonna wanna meet some of her friends."
Marcus: "Not if they look like her."
Sasha: "You wish your mama looked as good as me." Sasha pats her butt at Marcus and Marcus pretended to be throwing up.
Sylvia: "You guy's stop fooling around and get serious. It's time to go inside to see your new rooms." Craig runs ahead of everyone else just to be first, knocking everyone down in the process with his extremely large feet. Sasha falls and hits her head and has an extremely large bump that covers her entire face.
Tevin: "Heyyyyy! You need to watch those flippers you call feet. Look what you did to my sister face." Harry is holding his chest.
Harry: "I thought that was an earthquake."
Marcus: "It was a Sasha quake."
Harry: "Be nice boy, didn't I just tell you that's your sister now." Harry thumps Marcus upside the head. Marcus is holding his head where his dad thumped him at.
Sylvia: "How about everyone go on upstairs and wash up and I'm going to cook a very special dinner for tonight in honor of our first night together as a family."
Craig: "A home cooked meal what will it be," he asks excited.
Sylvia: "Pork chops smothered in gravy, crispy fried chicken, collard greens, yams, macaroni and cheese, corn bread and my famous pecan pie."
Marcus: "Now is that for everyone or just Sasha?"
Sasha: "Don't make me pull your ears around to your neck and choke you."
Dinner last night was amazing. Sylvia was already in the kitchen making breakfast. Harry comes into the kitchen, his stomach rumbling, he's ready to eat.
Harry: "Ooo baby it smells good in here! Dad-dy is ready to eat." Harry sits down at the table holding a fork waiting to feast on a good breakfast. Sylvia brings extremely large dishes to the table filled with enough food to feed a football team. Harry looks on in amazement.
Harry: "You didn't tell me you host food drives for the homeless?"
Sylvia: "Why you say that turtle?" Harry looks at the table filled with food confused.
Harry: "Umm two questions, why are you calling me turtle and ohh you're one of those team moms. So is Tevin's football team coming over here for breakfast or you gotta take all this food to the school?"
Sylvia: "Boy you're silly. I always cook like this."
Harry: "You al-ways cook like this...how many trips to the grocery store do you make everyday? And how much money is you spending...better yet, how much of m-y money you gonna be spending feeding the homeless?"
Sylvia: "The homeless... you so funny! But...Hmm probably around fifteen hundred but that depends if Sasha has a good day at school or not. She tends to eat more when she's depressed or nervous or stressed, or happy, or sad, or miserable...pretty much all the time." Harry tries to grab a piece a bacon, Sylvia taps his hand away.
Harry: "Can I eat any of this food I paid for."
Sylvia: "You sure can, you and the boys are having cereal."
Harry: "You who?"
Sylvia: "You and the boys. This food is for Sasha."
Harry: "What food?"
Sylvia: "This food."
Harry: "ALL- this food is for Sasha?"
Sylvia: "She's starting a new school today turtle and she has to make new friends. This food is to help her not be nervous, we don't want our little girl to have a bad day now do we?"
Harry: "Again, why are you calling me turtle because uh I know I don't look like a turtle. Is it because I moved slow this morning, you know Sasha almost broke my back when she fell on me yesterday and you mean to tell me Sasha is about to eat ALL of this by herself?"
Sylvia: "Oh turtle calm down it's really not that much."
Harry: "Not that much! Woman do you see what I'm seeing. I see about six packs of bacon in this one plate. Over here is about thirty biscuits, forty sausage patties, three cartons of eggs with cheese."
Sylvia: "But I only made her four pancakes this morning."
Harry: "Boxes?" Harry states holding up the pancake boxes in the air.
Sylvia: "Aww Turtle you can have your cereal right here...an-d I have a special treat for you, a glass of freshly squeezed mushroom juice...mmm"
Harry: "Mushroom what?"
Sylvia: "Mushroom juice it's very good for your digestive system an-d it will keep your weight down. I'm starting to see a little pudge." Sylvia pats Harry's stomach.
Harry: "You can see a pudge on me but don't see you've cooked breakfast for a football team? Seems to me you're giving the mushroom juice to the wrong person."
Sylvia: "Here you go sweetie, drink up. Oh darn! I only have two bottles of syrup. I need to run to the store to get more before Sasha wakes up. I'll be right back turtle." Harry waits until Sylvia leaves before he get's up from the table to sneak a piece of bacon but every time he gets near it, it shocks him and makes his hair stand on the top of his head.
Harry: "Oh turtle... this is going to be a l-oooooooong marriage."
THE END
If you enjoyed this short story of Blended Family "How We Blended, The Beginning," make sure you read the next "Blended Family "Who Gets The After School Snack?"
