My body developed rather too early for my liking. When I was only 10, my aunt returned home from work one day with two sets of bras. She asked me to wear them henceforth since she thought my breasts always shook when I walked, and that would in turn cause people to look at me. Well she wasn’t wrong, and by people, she could have just said ‘boys’. On the rare days I didn’t put on a bra when going out to buy something in the neighborhood, I did turn heads. From boys my age to men old enough to be my father, almost every single one of them would concentrate on my chest once I was in sight. I understood their actions and decided that bras were going to be my besties from then on.
When I hit teenage, my breasts had taken up my whole chest area. Some very close family members told my mom to hit my nipples with a wooden spoon, and my boobs would go right back to wherever they came from. Another friend of my mom’s mentioned how I could get pregnant if I let a boy touch me -this scared me, why can’t adults just say ‘sex’ instead of ‘touch?’- .
Whenever I raised my hands when putting on clothes, I realized my bust weighed a great deal. At the time, I was rather lanky, and my body had to struggle to carry the weight my chest bore. My shoulders mostly hurt and I started looking a bit bent over. All these were nothing compared to the rumors that started spreading about me in school just because of the nature of my heavily endowed front!
One time when I was teasing a fellow female classmate with something she had done, she replied “You are teasing me? Think about your breasts! They look so big because you allow men to suck them day and night!” I was only 13.
With shock in my voice, I asked her to explain what she said. Apparently, word had gone round that I was the only girl in my class who had boobies as big as mine, and it could only mean one thing.
I cornered a close male friend of mine in class after this and asked him whether he had heard of it. Of course he had. All the boys discussed me in their corner, but he hadn’t told me because he knew it wasn’t true. He also understood why the other students made such claims about me. One of the girls had mentioned that her mom cautioned her against letting boys touch her breast, since that would increase their sizes. How else does Maame Efuwa have big breasts if not for the fact that they’re being fondled on the regular? Well, good analysis if you ask me.
Only a few years ago when I started having babies, I gained so much weight and decided it was time to jog it off. Few weeks into my routine, men in passing vehicles would shout through the windows “Breastina! What do you think you are doing?” “Your boobs are dancing!” “Stop worrying yourself, you’re not going to lose the weight you ate so much to gain!” “Hey! Nice boobs!”
Since I haven’t fully dealt with my body consciousness, I quit jogging on the road and decided to hit the gym. I lasted only one day. First of all, I didn’t know I was going to be the only woman, which meant I’d naturally cause attention, secondly, I was a breastfeeding mom, with my breasts appearing full with milk, and, maybe I should have worn very loose clothing, because when I realized, 90 percent of these gentlemen were looking at me. No, not me, my bosom! To everyone who asked why I ever stopped jogging/going to the gym, this is your answer.
Yes, I am a full grown adult with serious body image issues. Sometimes, I’m confident in my body, other times, I’m not. Mostly, I’m not. Notwithstanding, I do not let this stop me from anything I want to do. I’m confident in the fact that with constant mental hard work, I can get to a level where I will completely be comfortable in my body. Funny how people have to pay money to get these same boobs I’m struggling with. Isn’t this world an interesting place to be? Lol
I do understand however, that I am not alone in this. So you struggling with body image issues, hold my hand, let’s beat this!