"So what, you sayin it's true? Three wishes, just like that?"
"You are incredibly perceptive, young Master. It is exactly as I promised you."
"No way, you're kidding me; I just threw a stone on the ground."
"You freed me from centuries of imprisonment. Even the Great One, with all his cosmic wisdom, did not foresee that someone would unravel his cunning scheme. Not a lamp, not a bottle, but an unassuming stone. You are truly the wisest of the wise; may celestial maidens sing of your boundless insight, unseen for centuries."
"Cut that out; I'm not used to such flattery. So you can do anything?"
"The Great One has endowed me with incredible power, yet even it is bound by chains. Despite my grandeur, I cannot grant you omnipotence. The Great One has forbidden me to influence the thoughts of sentient beings, and the most powerful of prohibitions is that I am forbidden to toy with time, for the river of time is one of the wonders of the Great One; let his creations be praised, given to us mortals."
"So I can't even become immortal?"
"Impossible. To be immortal means to go against fate. The Great One does not favor the audacious."
"Then what kind of genie are you? You can't do anything properly."
"I beg you, wise one, anger does not suit your visage. While I cannot overcome limitations, there is no one equal to me in strength. Even if your desires were as bottomless as the thirst of those suffering in the desert, I could quench them. I swear by my name bestowed upon me by the Great One."
"The Great this and the Great that. Can't you say a single word without mentioning him?"
For the first time during their dialogue, the genie's eyebrow twitched. What could upset an entity that commanded nearly all laws of existence? Yet here was a pitiful little bug who, blinded by his own foolishness, had insulted the Great One. Just for such disregard, one would deserve to have their tongue cut out and their throat drenched in boiling hot oil. But this did not matter in grand scheme of things; games with mortals always amused him, and this fool would certainly be no exception. Nevertheless, the gnat who fancied himself a master continued to think.
"I want a million... no! That's too little; ten! No, a hundred! A hundred million! I want a hundred million dollars in my bank account immediately!"
It seemed that this newfound sense of entitlement clouded whatever few sparks of reason which flickered in Ilya’s eyes with evident difficulty—but this was also due to the genie’s influence. Once every century he chose his victim—the most foolish, pitiful, and petty among humankind—to amuse himself.
"May your will be fulfilled; may your coffers be filled with wealth like that of a padishah."
The depth of Ilya's pocket immediately responded with an energetic buzzing sound. They must have arrived! Forgetting everything else in the world, Ilya immediately reached for his phone—after all, he was now a dollar millionaire! Oh how he should have wished for a billion! Though where would he spend so much? The screen of his phone instantly illuminated Ilya's face with a dim glow.
"My millions! Wait—why does it say Zwd instead of usd? Genie, what have you done? They’re worthless!!"
The amount of hysteria in Ilya's voice brought forth the first malicious smile from the genie among many more to come.
"Cancel that wish; that's not what I wanted!"
"I beg your pardon, wise one," said the genie with feigned innocence, "but when prompted, reality always flows along the easiest path. A precise formulation is needed to tame its nature. And as I've already mentioned, no one goes against time; what has been done cannot be undone."
In an attempt to encourage him further despite his distressing situation, he continued:
"But even Zimbabwean dollars amount to quite a lot in rubles—that's thirty million rubles!"
"Cancel it! Cancel it!" Ilya's hysteria seemed ready to take on a physical form as tears began to pool in the corners of his eyes. One billion rubles! He had squandered it so foolishly along with his first wish; thirty million would barely buy him a two-room apartment in Moscow at best.
What happened next took his breath away completely!
"What is this?! Why are my accounts frozen?? What do you mean suspicious activity?"
How could it be otherwise? Where would an ordinary worker suddenly acquire such an amount? Naturally, security services would take interest and tax authorities wouldn’t leave him alone either!
"Listen here, you sonofa... genie, I demand more wishes! You never mentioned that I could not wish for a greater number of wishes!"
"I obey and comply!"
In an instant, his head filled with new thoughts, new impulses, new desires and interests. There were so many that the poor guy felt dizzy. Only by pressing hard on his eyelids did he manage to regain some composure.
"That's not what I wished for; I wanted you to grant more of my wishes."
"The outcome depends solely on how you phrase it. The universe has chosen this path. And who are we to contradict it?"
"You jackal! You're a real jackal! Not only am I completely broke now, but I also want who knows what! Why on earth would I want to do cross-stitching?! You're just mocking me!"
The genie looked at him with delight, not even trying to hide his smirk.
"I am merely a humble servant of the Three Wishes. I have no power to distort your aspirations."
But no one was listening to him; Ilya, clutching his head, nervously paced back and forth. He had to fix this somehow, but how? There was no turning back his wishes! According to the genie’s tales, nothing could go against the river of time; it would simply sweep him off his path. Should he wish for wisdom? No, how would that help here? Charisma to talk to the bank and the tax office? That was an idea, but how could he ensure everything went smoothly? Exactly!
"Genie, for my third wish! Make me the most beautiful person on this planet!"
Heh, no one would oppose beauty, especially if it’s the best of the best!
"I revere your wisdom; truly a great wish! May your will be done!"
The spring weather that had previously been as gentle as a calf suddenly turned wild; clouds covered the sky, and the wind with cold fury rushed at everything in its path. It seemed as if the very universe was angered by such audacious desire, but soon everything calmed down. In that moment, Ilya rushed to open the front camera of his old smartphone. But what he saw did not please him. He still looked at himself through piggy eyes swollen with fat, hiding behind a greasy fringe of hair; craters and pits still adorned his face along with a thin mustache that stubbornly refused to grow. And his body? Still short and plump!
"Hey you, purple cockroach! Nothing has changed; I'm still the same as before! Where are my abs? Where's my model face?"
"What do you mean wise one?" said the genie with dripping sarcasm. "The wish has been granted. Now you are the most beautiful person alive. There is no one on this planet more beautiful than you!"
After which the genie burst into laughter. The thunder of his mirth made Ilya press his hands to his ears. What had he done? He couldn’t even imagine what kind of monsters the rest of humanity had turned into.
"But you said that the universe follows the easiest path! Turning me into something somewhat beautiful is much simpler than transforming billions of people into horrors!"
"Oh, that? I was just joking. However amusing this may be for me right now, duty calls. Good luck with your new life!"
There was a clap, and in that instant, the genie vanished. Leaving Ilya alone with what he had wrought.
