Chapter 1 - Failure . Maya's POV . Observe , find an opportunity and then attack . That's how predators work . They will keep an eye on your every move , whenever you are distracted or vulnerable , they will pounce on you . That's exactly what my relatives are doing right now and I am playing this game . They are like vultures , thirsty for gossip , their metaphorical fangs out , waiting to suck my confidence , making me weak and then tearing me apart , piece by piece . I look up and see my aunt smiling at me . I smile back . My first mistake . " So , what are you planning to do now ?" , her eyes curious and cunning . What she meant was now that you have absolutely embarrassed your entire family and wasted their money , what are you going to do ? " I am still deciding , aunty . Should I get something for you ?" , I ask with a smile slapped on my face . That's what Indian students do . They answer your rude , personal questions with riddles and smiles . " Don't bother , dear . Why don't you go abroad ? Many opportunities there ." What she means is disappear . Now that you have brought shame to your family , why don't you hide somewhere ? " That's a good option , I will definitely consider it . Thank you , aunty ." , My jaw hurts because of my smile . " Poor Rahul ( my father's name ) , he was so confident about you clearing your medical entrance exam . I told him it's not easy , I am worried for him . Do let me know , if I can help you out in any way possible ." , she sighs and pats me on my back and moves to the other corner of the room , probably telling everyone about how stupid Rahul is for dreaming that his daughter would be a doctor , one day . That his daughter who could not clear her entrance exam does not have a bright future , poor Rahul , who thought that his daughter is going be his son , poor Rahul , indeed . I sit there for a while thinking about vultures . Then I return to my room . I was wrong . My first mistake was not smiling at her , it was getting out of my room thinking I could survive and not care about what other people think . After sitting down on my bed , I fall apart .
Chapter 2 - Young and limitless .
The evening sky is gray today . It looks tired . I am sitting on a park bench and observing people around me. They all look happy . It's a relief that misery is not contagious because then I would pollute the entire park . My ears are still ringing with words that I do not wish to hear or remember but somehow they are the ones that follow me around everywhere I go . I was sick of listening the blame game my parents love to play . My father pointing out that how my mother failed to raise me properly , my mother pointing out how ignorant my father actually is . They are very aware about each other's duties and roles but not of their own . I step out for fresh air because it's suffocating inside the house . I close my eyes as tears spring up again in them . I swallow them down my throat . When I open them again , an old man is sitting on my bench . He smiles at me , I look away . I don't repeat mistakes .
" How old are you , beta ( dear child ) ?" God , no.
" 18."
" Brilliant !" , he smiles
As if being 18 is an achievement .
" What do you study ?" and here we go .
" still deciding , uncle ." , a generic response that I can repeat in my sleep .
" Of course , of course , you have so many opportunities . Back in our day , no one was that aware . What a lucky generation , you are . Which stream , child ?"
" None of your business ." I snap back . I have had enough , honestly .
He seems taken aback because you don't get to see rude teenagers in India .
" I am sorry ." , his smile drops and his shoulders droop . I feel miserable now .
" No uncle , I am sorry . It's just that life has been a bit weird lately and I am just tired . Please don't mind this ."
Uncle nods at me and points towards the big gray sky with his walking stick .
" Look at the sky above you . It's vast and mesmerising . In this modern life , where everything is changing and upgrading , this sky above you is a constant . When you are 18 , you are pretty much like the sky , young and limitless. You have an entire life ahead of you , so don't let any failure hinder your growth . Trust the divine , harmonic way of the universe and go along with it . You , my child , have a great future ahead ."
I was too stunned to speak . Uncle stood up to resume his walk and I said , " How do you know ?"
" Know what ?"
" That I have a great future , ahead ?"
He smiled and said , " Oh , but I do ."
Chapter 4 - Pottery and life lessons .
The next day , when I go back to the park in search of the old man , I am surprised to see him sitting on the same bench as if waiting for me . On reaching towards the bench , I greet him .
" Namaste uncle " ( Namastey is hello in hindi )
" Sit down , child . How are you , today ?" , he asked .
I sat down with him and told him everything . How my parents thought I was a gifted child , a golden child until I wasn't . I was nothing but a cruel joke , an embarrassment , a failure . My own story , with full sarcasm and punchlines but he did not laugh , for he knew that I was using humour to cover up the trauma that failure had set up for me . After I finished telling him what was eating me alive , he looked at me with recognition . As if , he was watching someone he knew .
" Let me tell you a story too . There was a young man who came from a poor family , his father ran away from home after he was born . He was the youngest of all siblings , therefore pampered a lot . His mother was the sole provider for a family of six which included him , his mother , three elder sisters and one elder brother . All of his siblings after completing school took up jobs to support the family in their own ways . For people , who have grown up like the poor family did , money is all what everything is about but he was different , perhaps . He wanted to give college a try . He told his mother and his mother beamed at him with pride in her eyes and smile , she held his face with utmost care , kissed his forehead , took money out from a knot in her sari and said , " You will be the first one in our family to go to college , I am very proud of you ."
After one year of college , he dropped out . He felt as if college was not meant for him . He could not keep up so he ran away , away from college , away from home because he felt too ashamed and guilty for wasting his family's hard earned money . He slept on the railway station , ate in the Guruduwara's ( a Sikh place of worship) . One day , he met an old man on a railway station who needed some help with his luggage and after they were done , the old man , asked the young man about his whereabouts and the young man was so tired of carrying this burden that he told him everything . The old man was a potter and he told the young man , " When the clay is moist , you can turn the vessel into any shape possible but when the clay is hardened after heating it , you cannot change its size , no matter how hard you try . If you apply more pressure , the pot will break but it will not change it's shape . " He told the young man that he was still a pot in making with his clay moist and that he still had a lot of time , to figure out what to do with his life , in which shape will he direct his life into , it's all upto him . "
Uncle stopped for a minute and smiled , he looked at me and said , " I was the young man . I have made many mistakes in my life , dear child and here I am . I have failed so many times but I didn't stop trying . After the old man went away , I got myself a job in construction and I earned money . After months , I wrote a letter to my mother where I apologised for running away and for being stupid and I told her , how grateful I was . Later , I learned pottery and started my own shop which did well for me . I have a beautiful wife , kids and grandkids and I am grateful for everything life has given me and for everything that I have been taught . "
The very next day , I filled out my form for BSc. ( Bachelors in science )
I don't want to give up just yet .
Chapter five - As the wind blows by .
I get a window seat as soon as I enter the bus . I open it and the wind blows by . On the last stop , a lady with a small child gets on and a girl of my age gives up her seat for the lady to sit down . The lady blesses her and I think about something , about how this world can be a cruel place to live in , with expectations and social norms , with terrorism and global warming and with misery and pain . I think about all the times we have been deeply hurt by people we love , knowingly or unknowingly but I watch how people give up their bus seats for others to sit down . When the baby started crying , how strangers made funny faces to calm the baby down .I think about how when you offer a glass of water to a postman , who made sure to deliever your letters /gifts to you in the scorching sun and the blowing wind , how they bless you for the bare minimum . Do you ever sit down with your society's watchman and ask about his family ? Have you heard about the love he has for his wife , how proud he is because his daughter won the drawing competition . Do you ever sit down with an old person and ask them about their life ? and how it revolves around their kids and grandkids . Have you praised your mother for making your life easier and did you see how she laughed and then wiped the tears from her eyes . As the bus moves along I notice a group of kids , walking back home after a long day at school/college and how tired they look and how the wind blows by and eases their perspiration. Because I hope you have , because there's still a lot of hope for this world . You just need to look closer , maybe a little deeper , within yourself , there's this basic goodness that is extraordinary and waiting to be discovered . As the wind blows by , it sings a song , a song of humanity and hope , so I close my eyes and listen .