She was like an addiction I could not run from. The light in her eyes flowing into my dark soul like a river bending through.
She had the touch of a hundred feathers gliding on top of your skin. Her hair softly lay against her face, moving it slowly away with my cold pale hands.
Glancing up with a smile, she took my hand and all my thoughts disappeared. It is only her and I now. I lean in towards her lips, stopping mid-way through as I watch her eyes close. I felt the warmth of her lips against mine. Softly our lips touched and as I opened my eyes, I watched her smile.
My hand glided over every curve of her body and built the anticipation of uncovering those curves. Her mouth opens slowly to catch her breath. I pull her in closer to me, feeling the warmth of her breath on my neck, she whispers “yes” in my ear. My heart was beating, I felt it outside my chest.
Her long soft hair in between my fingers wrapped tightly, pulling her head back, I grabbed her windpipe and watched her gasp for air. AAhhh, she says as I let go. Do you like that, I asked. She returns the question with a smile…
My hands go free, my heart on fire, and my mind racing.
How it made them feel alive and wanted was the curse.
1.
Their boarding passes said one way ticket to California at 7am.
Janet was thirty-five and she felt every bit of her age. She had met Jerry when she was fifteen at her parents’ farmhouse. He was a little older than she was, now almost forty. They have had their difficulties but this was going to be a new beginning. A new town, new friends, new job, and new house.
Janet reaches into her purse to proceed to the ticket stub counter, shifts through her wallet, and looks up to the counter attendant with watery eyes.
The attendant notices her weary eyes and asks if everything is okay. Janet sighs and says, “Yes I’m okay, I’m just leaving the life I’ve known behind.” Attendant replies with hopefully for the best then.
By this time, Jerry had made his way through the line standing to the side of Janet. Attendant gives a friendly smile. Janet was not sure if she should reply to the earlier remark of the counter attendant.
Jerry asked, “What is the hold up?”
Janet replies I cannot find the… Jerry cuts her off and says I have the tickets here in my pocket.
Great, says the attendant. Jerry picks through receipts, hands the tickets over the counter.
The flight attendant proceeds to tell them the flight is delayed and it would be at least an hour. Great is all Janet can think, she does not want to go in the first place and now we have another hour on the ground before we can get this over with.
Jerry has our bags checked in. Now instead of seven A.M the plane is to arrive around 9:30. The movers have already packed our things from our place that we had called home for several years.
Janet thinks to herself, they had better not break any of my glassware or I am going to leave a review.
Jerry must have been thinking about the movers too. He looks at Janet and asks, “Do you think they’ll keep everything intact?”
Janet replies with if they do not…. Jerry cuts her off.
Let me guess? Jerry asks ignorantly, Are you going to call their boss and get them fired, like you always like to start shit. Janet was seriously stunned by being throat cut by her own husband.
She looks at him and says, “I really don’t have to go. I can stay here and you go.” Jerry leans in towards her and says, “I bet you would like that.”
“No, Jerry I do not want to be alone but you make it seem like such a great alternative to being with a controlling narcissistic who has fooled everyone including me.” Janet says with tears in her eyes. Jerry just sitting there mouth wide open in disbelief of the words that just spilled out of his wife’s mouth. Janet gets up to go towards the bathroom.
Jerry grabs her hand. I am Sorry, he says. She looks down and says, “I know”. Janet’s hand slowly leaves his fingertips as she drifts off to the other side of the terminal towards the restrooms.
They used to love each other’s company. Now it seems he is miserable or she is. She is not sure anymore. When it is good, it really is good. However, when it is bad, it seems horrible. Sometimes she thinks he wants to leave but will not.
Janet opens the bathroom door slowly and sees her reflection in the mirror. She was reminded of her self-worth. Once she begins to smile, she finds herself losing the purpose to smile because that may attract unwanted attention. She doesn't know how to take a compliment without consequences of the nice gesture. Her self-esteem has been damaged throughout the years. She sees the history of black and blue across her face when she looks long enough at herself.
She wonders how long it is going to take him to knock on the bathroom door if she takes any longer.
California is going to be great, she keeps telling herself.
Janet leans in towards the bathroom mirror readjusting her eye shadow from running down her face from the watery morning argument.
She peeps out of the bathroom door. Looking for Jerry, she spots him and he is eyes deep in a blonde beauty behind the counter of loss prevention.
Janet thought, “I wonder if I can just jet out of here, right now. He would still be yacking it up with the little young thing by the time I got to the old house and stopped the movers. Hell he might even be on the plane with her by the time I got there. Sometimes she wished he would leave her for another woman. Just so, she could see what he really wanted from her. Who he would be with her, as if with me.”
Janet had not seen Jerry smile like this in a long time. The way he laughed and smiled with his eyes while he spoke to the young blonde behind the counter furiated her. It made her feel that much less of a wife to watch him carry on with another woman steps away from her. If she were to confront him, it would only make things worse.
Janet pushed her bra up, wiggled her cleavage up out of the “v” neck dress she had put on that morning. Opened the bathroom door and started to walk over to where the two were having a conversation. Once Jerry saw the blonde woman looking over him, he turned over his shoulder to see his wife walking towards them. Jerry felt it in the pit of his stomach.
Jerry gives Janet a stern look as if warning her not to make a scene. Janet makes a point to say hello to the ever so friendly blonde behind the counter. Janet wonders what he must be thinking.
Jerry says to her, “let’s go sit and wait on our plane.”
She replies, “I will sit at the bar; I need a drink after watching your little performance with your Barbie”.
Jerry used to make her want to live for everything. He used to make her feel alive. His eyes turning from blue to green she used to notice them. Now she notices where his eyes aren’t and where they are.
He used to open the door for her and wait for her to get ready with a smile on his face. Now he waits in the truck and ask who you trying to look good for?
Janet walks to the bar counter, waits for the bartender to come back around. She notices a man approaching her from behind the counter.
Jerry was sitting down at a table waiting for Janet to bring his drink.
The man approaches Janet and tells her that he’s never seen a more beautiful woman being upset. He is curious to know why she is asking for a double shot of whiskey on ice at eight in the morning. She replies to his inquiry with a straightforward answer, my husband that’s why.
She follows up with an apology. She insists she shouldn’t start badgering him about her problems. He says, Miss , that's my job. I listen to people all day and sometimes night and it gets interesting sometimes, with a smile. The bartender says I’ve heard a few stories that have kept me up at night.
Jerry is still waiting on that drink. She notices him in the corner of her eye tapping his foot and grinding his teeth.
Sir, can I get a long neck miller please for my husband? He hands it over to the server and points at the table we were sitting at.
Janet starts to walk away and the bartender says by the way, my name is Morgan.
Nodding, I reply Janet.
Sitting down with Jerry sipping the whiskey slowly. Letting the ice tangle with my lips.
Jerry asked, what that was all about?. He just asked me about where we were headed today and if we were nervous about flying since we were drinking so early, Janet replies.
Janet ask Jerry if he’s heard anything on the intercom about their flight. Jerry replies sarcastically if you weren’t busy chatting with the bartender maybe you would’ve heard.
“Jerry do you want me to start on you about your Barbie over there at the loss prevention counter? Mind you I did not even ask you what you lost since you were over there chatting. Janet replies starkly. I still have not asked you what you were over there laughing about with her?”
The intercom breaks silence: the flight has been canceled due to mechanical errors in the cockpit.
Janet sighs with relief. Not today. I am not going to California today she repeats to herself.
Jerry sighs and says “well I guess it’s a room for tonight”. Janet cringes at the thought of a night in an airport hotel.
Nevertheless, one look up and she meets eyes with the bartender who has an intriguing mysterious side to him that she’s drawn to. She catches herself smiling at the thought of a nice conversation without yelling or finger pointing.
2.
The room at the airport hotel was musty and had old green diamond pattern shaped carpet wrapping the floors. It cost two-hundred for one king suite, the only room they had available. The only benefit was the open bar in the mini fridge. The shower had old water stains and rust spots on the nozzle. The windows to the balcony were filthy with fingerprints and smudges.
Janet was reeling to call the front hotel office to complain.
Jerry told her to calm down that others would hear her and call the front office themselves on her.
Janet pierced over her shoulder to see her husband with a smirk on his face while he grabbed a beer out of the fridge.
Jerry was a successful business contractor with a driven company out of our hometown in GA. He had that professional and well-respected career attitude. He was the type of man who was very concerned with how others saw him. His personality matched his profession.
Jerry would provide more time with a project if you showed you were capable of finishing productively. If you were the type of worker that slacked all day, you’d be cut by the end of the shift. He wouldn’t have someone making his company look like it wasn’t capable of deadlines.
“Okay then”, Janet says to Jerry. “I won’t call downstairs. I will just be sure to write a descriptive review online. “
Jerry motions Janet to join him on the sofa in the suite. She looks inside the fridge for a drink to occupy. There is beer and no hard stuff.
Sigh.
Janet takes out a beer, pops the top, drags it to her lips and turns the can all the way up. Grabbing another out of the fridge pressing it to her forehead.
Jerry watches her from across the doorway. He notices how she just chugged that beer and he hasn’t seen her do that in years. Seeing her standing there tired with her hip thrusted to one side in that dress. He can see through it in the light of the bathroom vanity gleaming through the crack of the door. He sees her thighs and he feels as though hes being teased by his own wife at this point. He is enjoying it, but he won’t let her know that. Its been months since he saw her in anything revealing.
Come on dear, Come sit with me, Jerry motions for Janet to join him.
She proceeds to the sofa and on her way; she unzips her dress halfway so her skin can breathe. Jerry is getting overly excited about the anticipated night he wonders if will happen.
The straps to her dress have now fallen on the sides of her shoulders. She feels the chills from the a/c blowing across the room as she sits down beside Jerry.
It had been a few weeks since they had laid hands on one another. She sat and Jerry placed his hand on her thigh and looked up at her face. She had an instant relief in this moment; he seemed to see her for the woman she wanted to be, beautiful and strong. The one who had made him smirk when she used to walk in the room. The woman that used to make his heart skip a beat with each first kiss.
Jerry takes his shoes off and places the throw blanket over his and Janet’s lap. She lays her head on his shoulder somberly. She misses this feeling of security.
He looks down at her and says, “hey there”.
She reaches up towards his chest from under the blanket. She feels his chest and softly runs her fingernails up and down his arm. Jerry takes her hand and places it in his lap on his zipper.
She had a glimpse of the past when they had first started dating. He had short cut hair and a small beard starting to form. She thought it was cute the way he kept it. He would always sit closely to her and be shaking slightly from nervousness. He had made her feel new. Like she was a new shirt that needed to be worn. She could close her eyes and see his face. The beard that covered his face and the green eyes that seemed to never end. She wonders where he’d been the last year and why it started changing all of sudden.
She felt the bugle from under his zipper. He thrust his hips out while grinning.
“Knock ,Knock” on the door of the suite. A piece of folded paper whips under the door.
Seems the front desk has a note for us.
III
He made her feel new. Like she was a new shirt that needed to be worn. She could close her eyes and see his face. The beard that covered his face and the green eyes that seemed to never end. She wonders where he’d been her whole life.
In both minds they think if they can keep everything separate it'll be okay. As long as he doesnt start thinking of her intense lips in the middle of the day. As long as she didnt think about his glance and those eyes. If they could turn the want you off at anytime, it would be okay.
The longest conversation they’d had face to face was about an hour in real time. But for her it continued to play over and over in her mind.