Alison or Ali had everything she wanted, a successful career, a devoted husband, a beautiful apartment in the heart of the city. Things seemed so perfect and everything was going as per her plan. She had always worked hard for what she wanted and achieved everything through her own grit. Her husband, Noel owned a couple of retail stores in town and was a very supportive husband. They were a “power couple” as they were called in the neighbourhood. Noel enjoyed fishing on weekends while Ali loved redecorating her home. Alison did not entertain many friends as she liked to keep to herself. She had her theory that being social and having friends kept her obligated to help someone during the time of need and she did not want to do that. However, Noel was a social person who liked hanging out with his friends and keep in touch with everyone. Arguably, he was closer to Ali’s family than herself. Noel wished Ali could try to meet more people frequently and open up to everyone as he knew that deep inside, she was a nice person. Ali however believed that letting people know her closely would make them understand her flaws or weaknesses and she did not want to risk losing the perfect persona she had strived to create for herself in the society.  There were times she was so full of herself that she stopped realizing that she had also been so lucky in life so far…

 

It just takes seconds to have your life crumbling before your eyes and that is what exactly happened to her one night. Alison lived an hour away from her workplace. She had been recently promoted to a Senior partner at a law firm and work had been hectic for the last few days. One night, she had stayed over a little late than usual and decided to take a short cut to go back home. She also had a spat with Noel just before leaving work and was a bit troubled that day. She didn’t realize that she was driving above the speed limit of the road.

 

Unfortunately, that night, some of the streetlights of the deserted town she crossed enroute were not working, making it really hard to see. There were no homes nearby and the nearest point she remembered driving across was a gas station. She had been thinking of what to say to Noel when she got back home and was playing the arguments in her mind when a shadow appeared in front of her car out of a sudden. Alison hit the brakes as quickly as she could, but the car ran over something. At first, she thought she had hit an animal but when she heard a cry, she realized that it was a man.

 

 She quickly jumped out of her car to see if he was okay. He was covered in blood and was not breathing , no pulse. She shivered at the thought that dawned on her. She may have killed someone. Suddenly, all the possibilities started running though her mind,” Should I take him to the emergency? Should I run away? “.

 

Looking at the fact that there were no chances of his survival, it would surely mean a jail sentence for her. Knowing the legal implications of a hit and drive accident, she knew that even though she can cover up the case, she may end up with a black mark on her career.

 

 She stood up and took a deep breath. Then, she walked towards the car and started the engine. She could feel her heart beating faster. At that moment, a demon inside her told her to let go and drive away. She drove away from the site of the accident and stopped at the nearest gas station to call 911 anonymously.

 

 She rushed home as fast as she could and ran towards her bedroom. Her husband who immediately sensed her frantic expression, followed her to the room. Upon asking, she narrated the events of the night as she felt remorse over what she had done,” Should I have taken him to the hospital? I didn’t mean to… I …”. She started wailing loudly. She hoped that this was just a dream and wished she had a chance to rewind this dreadful night. Her husband looked worried and started asking her questions, “Did you see anybody? Were you alone in the car? What was the exact location?”.

 

She felt that his questions sounded like a police interrogation and cried “I do not know... I think there was no one around and I only know that this was near 43rd Street.” She covered her eyes and sobbed. Noel placed his hand over her shoulder “I think everything will be fine. For now, listen to exactly what I say … You are going to take an emergency sick leave for the next 2 weeks. I will get a trusted local to enquire about any accident that took place that night and what may have happened to him. “

 

Alison shivered but nodded her head. She was willing to listen to anyone who had a solution. She had a quick warm shower before going to bed. The accident started replaying over her head again and again. She felt that at any moment, police officers would come up at her door and arrest her.

 

The next morning, Ali checked the news section to see if there was any news about the accident. She lost her appetite and could not bring herself to step into the living room. Tired with fatigue, she dozed off the whole day until Noel checked in the evening after work.” I checked with someone to see if there was an accident near 43rd Street. Apparently, there was one. He was a resident of that county and was trying to cross the road around late last night. Apparently, he was under the influence of alcohol when this happened. The ambulance rushed him to the nearest hospital based on an anonymous tip, but he was already dead when they found him”.

 

Alison felt her heart stop beating as she heard the word” dead”. She started whispering words,” I am a killer…I am going to jail…my life is over” unconsciously. Noel looked worried about her state, “I am taking you away from the city for a few days so that you feel better. I know that you feel guilty, but I can assure you that the local police are not pursuing the case as seriously as we think. Coincidentally, they have had several accidents in that area connected to the local drug mafia and believe that he could have been involved. I think you are safe. I think it is best you stay home for some more time “.

 

Noel took her to a countryside in the outskirts of the state. It was quiet and well-away from the noise and people from the town. They stayed at a private resort for the week. Noel tried to lift her mood, but Alison found it very hard to completely switch off.

 

While they were on their way back home, she said,” I do not think I am fit to go to work for another three months. The company would have issues with this, and I cannot pull off the excuse well enough. I might as well quit and take a break for now...”. Noel, listened and looked over the road back home before nodding, “Yes, whatever you feel that best suits you.”

 

She submitted her resignation papers at the firm stating personal reasons. Months passed by after the incident. The hit and drive case were closed off due to lack of evidence. The family of the victim also did not seek to pursue the case any further. When Noel shared the news with Alison, he was surprised to find Alison’s sorrowful expression. She seemed visibly guilty and he grew worried with her state,” Ali, you know that this was a mistake. But you need to come out of this. You have not stepped out of the house for days. Your parents are worried, and I cannot bring the “job break” excuse in front of them any longer. They will be visiting us for Christmas anyway, and will be concerned with your state when they see you like this. I wish I could take you to therapy. Please get out of this…for us...”

 

Noel’s words seemed like a background noise for Alison. She was replaying the important events of her life… being a valedictorian at university, state-level athlete, her perfect wedding, being made partner at one of the best law firms in town and then suddenly the images of the dreadful night started appearing before her. She had started reading the papers to get more details about the accident and found out that the victim, Thomas Wilson as he was called was survived by a family who were dependent on him. Meanwhile, Noel was suggesting possible activities they could try during the break and a possible fishing trip. “Noel,” she cut him short,” I want to meet his family.”

 

Noel looked at her with disbelief,” NO, I cannot take you to that wretched place. I will try to secretly ensure we can compensate that family financially. We do not need to meet his wife and son”.

 

Alison argued and eventually Noel had to relent as he could not see any other way that his wife could achieve closure from this. They sponsored a medical camp in the town for locals to go for a free health check-up. Alison’s friend, Dr Nancy organized it on her behalf along with the help of her staff. She had joined as a volunteer, so that she could get a chance to meet the wife and son. The town was situated in a quiet and deserted locality. Famished due to high unemployment rates, most of the locals either resorted to the already scarce manual labour or odd jobs. Alison eagerly looked out for Thomas’s family to come for the check up the whole day. Around evening, Noel came up to her and whispered, “That is Emma and her son, Philip”, towards the direction of a pale young woman and her six-year-old son walking towards the tent.

 

Alison watched as both completed their blood tests and eye check up and walked towards them as they were about to leave. “Hello, I am Alison from the Medical Camp. Hope you were happy with the quality of the services and let us know if you need anything.”

 

Emma smiled “Yes, thank you for organizing this. Our town needs this regularly “. Ali noticed her face a lot closely while speaking and realized that Emma was really young. She was in her early twenties and must have been very young when she was married to Thomas. Philip or Phil as he was called a cute child. He looked a lot like his mother but healthier.

 

The next day, Ali took her car without informing Noel and drove into the town hoping to meet Emma again. She waited at the grocery store for hours and then slowly stepped out of her car when she caught a glimpse of her. Pretending to be there by chance, Ali caught her by surprise. “I thought that the medical camp was only for a day.”

 

Ali smiled sheepishly, “Yes, it was. I was just passing by the town and then remembered I had to buy something from the store. Are you originally from this town?”

 

Emma answered, “No, I am not from here originally. Settled here after marriage…I hope you do not mind me asking you this…I was wondering since you are from the city, you or the other volunteers may know if there is any vacancy or a job lead there. I am thinking of getting out of this place and moving away...”

 

Ali quickly swooped into her request without giving another thought, “Sure, what kind of work are you looking for?”

 

Emma was quite surprised by the reaction but answered, “I can cook and clean. If you know of places or homes where they need house help, then that would be great…”

 

Ali did not think twice before saying that she had a vacancy for a house help at her place. She just wanted to compensate Emma for the guilt and jumped at the opportunity .Noel was upset at her decision but he knew that his wife had to cope up with the situation in her own way and there was not much he could do other than support her.

 

Emma started working for Ali, taking care of the cleaning at her home. She was highly dedicated in what she was doing, and Ali knew that she could help her more. So, she arranged a small house for her and her son to stay so that she didn’t have to travel back to her town every day after work. Within a couple of months, her son was put into a good school and Ali managed to take care of all her expenses. Emma was so ever grateful for the new life she had received and the generosity of her new employer.

 

Ali, on the other hand was never in peace. She never felt that anything she did was enough to replace the loss of Emma’s husband. Whenever she approached Emma to know more about her, her thoughts moved back to the dreadful night of the accident and how it changed their lives. There were moments when she felt like confessing everything to her and asking for forgiveness or even report herself to the police. But the implication of these actions stopped her from saying the truth.

 

Noel was worried about Ali’s sleepless nights and confronted her alone, “We cannot have Emma in our house anymore. I have seen you around her and I am worried that you may do something stupid or reckless out of guilt. It is best that we assign her to another home so that you do not keep contact with her directly. “

 

Ali was not sure if that was a good idea. She wanted to make sure that Emma was well taken care for without her doubting her intentions and so, she refused her husband’s suggestion. There were nights where Ali realized that she was being punished for her actions over the years, how ungrateful she had become with time. She hardly kept in touch with friends and family. She had become so selfish that she had never offered to know what Noel liked to do or even join one of his fishing trips. She realized that the “accident” was a lesson to remind her that nothing in life could be taken for granted.

 

With guilt mounting up inside her heart in addition to the sleepless nights, she started losing weight and feeling weaker every day. She finally decided that it was time to face the truth and confess to Emma. So she decided to ask her for help with her dishes one night and ensured that Noel was not nearby to intervene.

 

“Phil is doing so well at school. He loves Geometry and is one of the smartest kids in class. I cannot be prouder.” Emma acknowledged as she wiped the dishes one by one.

 

“This is great! I am sure, he would do well in whatever he puts his heart into...” Ali replied with a sheepish smile.

 

Emma nodded, “This could not have happened without you...!”

 

Ali looked down at her shoes, unable to meet her eyes when she said this, “I am just trying to help. I am sure if your husband was alive, he would have done much more….” She paused before looking up at her, “There is something I have to tell you about your husband…”

 

Emma shivered, “My husband? … I do not want to know anything about that man…” Her eyes swelled up and she was unable to hide it from Ali, “Do you know ...the night my husband died was the night I had almost decided to end my life….”

 

Ali froze when she said this and Emma continued,” Thomas was not a nice man. We married when I was very young, and I left my family behind to be with him. At that point, he was a gentle soul or so I had thought. Immediately, after Phil was born, he lost his job because of his behaviour with the staff of an inn he worked in. He would be angry with everyone around him and come home drunk most nights. There were days when he would beat me up with a cane if the supper was cold. I put up with him for years, thinking that once he gets a job, he probably will come around, but his drinking made it difficult for him to stick to one place. I had no one to resort to and he would hurt me more if he found out that I had asked someone for help. I even contemplated running away with Phil, but he would find us somehow and things would be miserable for days. All this, I would suffer because he only hurt me. But one day, his anger couldn’t be controlled, and he hurt our son….”

 

Emma stopped as she wiped her tears recounting the horrors of her life. “I decided that this was enough. I could not watch my son being hurt. Call me weak, but I thought that death was the only solution . So that night, I bought rat poison from a store and poured it inside a bottle of milk for my son and I to drink after our supper. Thomas had gone out again to drink and it was just the two of us at home that time. We were about to finish our supper when someone knocked our door saying that my husband had met with an accident. A part of me was numb upon receiving the news, but the other part of me wished the worst come true…That shows how broken I was inside”

 

Ali took a moment to gather what she had heard before asking her , “ Do you not blame the person who did…”but Emma cut her short , “ I do not want to know…I have nothing to gain from knowing who may have been responsible…. I am sure that the person is living through the guilt somehow. To the world that person may be wrong… but for me that person was indirectly a messenger from God…an answer to my prayers and suffering...”

 

Emma and Ali looked at each other silently. It felt as if she knew what Ali wanted to say all this time, “ That chapter of my life has ended and now, I count every day as a blessing…Dwelling in the past will not give me any peace, especially if one has suffered , so I have decided to move on and I think it is the best decision I have ever made .” She said, as she put the last plate onto the rack and placed her hand on Ali’s shoulder for a brief second as if implying that it was time that Ali also moved on.

 

As she walked towards the door to leave for the night, she turned her head to look straight into Ali’s eyes, “ I was planning to tell you this next week but I guess I do not have to wait any sooner. I am moving to Colorado next month. I got a job there as a nanny and the pay is decent. I have found a good school for Phil as well. We have some savings now to start over and I think this maybe the best time to start afresh...” She wanted to say something more but stopped to see what Ali’s reaction was. Ali quietly nodded as if to give her approval but deep inside she felt an odd sense of relief – a relief that slowly unbottled the guilt she had put up with, all this while.

 

Emma waited quietly for a minute before running towards Ali one last time, giving her a tight hug,” Thank you, Ms Alison … for everything.”. Ali swelled up with tears and embraced her as well. For the first time, in months she felt happy. It felt that all was forgiven and that her misery had ended. She could not bring herself to say anything as she watched Emma leave and walk outside the driveway until her shadow couldn’t be seen.

 

Noel had come home after a few errands, but she didn’t notice when he had arrived. She had lost track of time standing next to the window overlooking the driveway. He looked worried and asked” Ali, Is everything okay?”

 

Ali turned to look at him and smiled,” Yes …”

 

She returned to look at the driveway again. There were so many things she wanted to do now. A world full of people to meet and acquaintances to get in touch with. For the first time, she wanted to give back to the society. With Christmas around the corner, she was looking forward to being with her family.

 

 She turned to go towards the room and found Noel sitting on the sofa quietly reading a book. He had been there throughout this, supporting her and helping her out. The last few months had taken a toll on his health as well and she was noticing this for the first time. He looked up at her and smiled. She smiled back at him with gratefulness,” I think it is time we go for that fishing trip you were talking about... “