Love at first sight. Everyone has different opinions on it right? Majority think it's made for those corny movies everyone sees on tv, for romeo and juliet whos love story held betrayal and the greatest romance to be seen, for those few in the world with the pure heart or for those believers. I'm here to say that, it is real, I was never a believer of it, but when you have it, your life will become a rollercoaster that's faster with more loops, more butterflies, more bumps and definitely more highs than any roller coaster could've shown you before. But there's also the steep drops, the nearly endings, the slowing downs when nothing else in the world seems fun, it seems on a stand still, lost, all excitement left from your eyes, all adrenaline gone, just waiting for the next loop-the-loop,the next up, the next section of everything finally being okay.
The start is always the best, texting them for the first time, facetiming them for the first time, meeting for the first time, falling asleep for the first time, falling in love for the first time. It almost feels surreal, like a dream just out of reach yet it's real alright, and it's perfect. You walk around the park in an area you've never been to before, claim your bench together, make a ‘us’ place, go back to find his phone even though you're supposed to be back home and is late, explore the new waters you've been put in, eat at a new food place, go steal tissues from the shop when he has a nosebleed and you have no money. Be pure together. You would do anything for eachother, there's no boundary when it comes to your love. Not long after and your having sex for the first time, deleting social media because you dont need it anymore, all you need is the life you have right infront of you. You have little arguments but nothing a simple “I'm sorry” can't fix.
He comes around your house for the first time, meets your parents, helps you with your depression, anxiety and all the family issues you have. Not a day goes by where he doesnt compliment you, spend as much time with you, appreciate you, make you feel special, and you do all the same for him. You begin planning your future together.
But then comes the storms that stop the rollercoaster moving, the days of not talking and misery, when time seems to stop and all you want is to be cuddled up in his arms but can't because he's now a carriage away. And everytime he becomes a carriage away again. More distance twists darkly and grows, marking all those it touches. Suddenly it's not so perfect anymore, you weren't prepared for this. You were so wrapped up in the blanket you call love that any argument that comes by you dont know how to react, you don't acknowledge his feelings because you already think he's going to be permanent. You don't understand why you're drifting apart because everything before was perfect. What have you done wrong?
All you do is search for the answer, get lost in your own self hatred and self pity that you completely forget that it's not just about you. It's about him too, none of your apologies will ever mean anything because you never truly meant them, you just wanted the arguments to be over. But now you see your mistake, and it eats you up inside even more that you have been continuously hurting the one you love so dearly through your own narcissistic ways.
You find him sitting outside, under the stars, and all you do is walk out and sit next to him, no words exchanged, until 5 minutes later he speaks. ‘It's so peaceful out here’. You tell him how you understand, where you were wrong, how much you love him, and sitting there under those beautiful stars watching over you both like guardian angels it all feels okay. You redo your first kiss as fireflies circle around, and you're now sitting back on the same carriage. You were never always in the wrong, but you were naive and maybe you could fix that so you're always on the same carriage.
You try your hardest every day to make the change, but it feels as if he doesn't notice, arguments still happen, and you begin to doubt whether you've even tried, or whether you haven't tried hard enough. The sky and clouds are now dark outside, rain is pulling its force down. The rollercoaster is in a constant down movement, the storm threatening to knock it off its tracks, something sudden needs to be done. Yet somehow through the storm you still only think about yourself and your own feelings. The storm worsens, lightning comes down. With each shout and scream the wheels slide to the side, jump, tremble. With every word spoken, lighting and thunder hit, leaving scars on their hearts. With each passing moment, the rollercoaster becomes more unstable, more unforgiving, more relentless. Make It go away! But you can't, because just at that moment, you say something unforgiving, “leave”. Everything around stops, except for the roller coaster plummeting to the ground, destroying everything in its path. Will you both survive your injuries or will all be lost with the rollercoaster?
