It's funny how you long to be part of something, something that really matters. Something which you can be a part of, where you can stand out or just to be seen and respected.
I wanted all of that to be known for, to make a difference. Something I could be proud of, and so I tried. But I could not find a place to belong. It felt like high school all over again. You know the drill; you have to fit in one place or another. You're one of the pretty girls or in the popular group. Or maybe you fit in with the 'Jocks' or the 'nerds'. But then you become just another 'Loser.' You think it will all be easier when you're no longer in school, right? Wrong! I'm an adult now, it's all different, but no. You deal with the same issues as in school.
What's a girl to do? How do I stand out?
After three failed marriages, no children and a career as a security guard. How do I stand out instead of still being a 'loser'? Life lesson can be hard on a person. Some can relate, we've all have to look back someday. Only to see failures and regret staring at us. So, how do you move ahead? What do you do next? You become part of a community, a community that will accept you as who you are. And this is where my story begins.
'Who do you trust? How do you make a difference in the lives of the people all around you? Can you hold your head up high as you walk past failure? When family and friends talk about their careers, do you join in? Is dignity something you are lacking? Where is your confidence level during times of stress? We can help you, here at the Darling Agency we will train you. Here you get to be part of something big. Here you have a place to belong. We will give you the confidence to approach anyone without fear or anxiety. Here at the Darling Agency, we will provide you with every tool to get the job done. We don't just give pretty speeches and send you on your way. We empower you to stand your ground, to be recognized as the professional you are. You will command respect and walk in authority. When you leave this agency, you leave with all the necessary tools to be successful anywhere. You will be a force not to be played with.
We train you to have cat-like reflexes and eyes in the back of your head. No one will ever push you aside, because we encourage you to push back. You will walk in authority. You will bring distinction to the community. And everyone will know who you are.
At Darling Agency there is only one schedule, night time. That way you are free in the daytime for any appointments, doctor's appointment, school, etc. We want to invite you to join our little group, to help the community. Welcome, one and all, please sign on the dotted line."
I thought finally a place to belong, no one cared about my criminal record. I was told everyone makes mistakes. They were not concerned with my bad temper either. I wasn't too surprised though, because I saw a couple of girls, I knew back in lock up. The girls were in there fighting the same as me. Just because of my temper most people wouldn't even hire me. Big deal so I intimidated the last lady I interviewed with; she said my record kept me from getting that job. Then she said I had a bad attitude, but I told her I had a good left hook. Then she called security on me. So, I signed up, yes sir I sign on the dotted line. Why? Because they were willing to take me as I am. I had a place where I belonged.
I wasn't that impressed with what they said, pretty words don't impress me. I was tired of sitting in that hot garage, I had enough. I didn't care I just needed a job and a place to fit in."
But now as I think back, there were some signs, I just didn't want to see them. As I sat back in that hard cold plastic chair. Staring through that thick partition glass in front of me. I stared at this young man listening to me, to my story. He had been in contact with me after the trial. He asked if he could interview me about all the robberies. I agreed, thinking why not. I was finally going to be recognized.
There were some people in the community in which I lived. They would finally see me for who I am. My old high school would see the person that they shun so long ago. Old employers who refused to let me stay, because of my temper. They would see me in a new light."
The guy who was recording everything I was saying stopped, he paused and looked at me as if I said something wrong, but I continued.
"And ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands would see what they missed out on. Sure, society may have ignored me, tossed me aside as useless, but I found a place. There was a place that accepted me and I didn't get a 'no' but a 'yes.'
I guess I did see some of the red flags from the Darling Agency, but they took me when no one else would. Isn't there something about loyalty, don't I get points for that? Anyway, it's gotten hard to see what's in front of you. It can be hard to see the red flags when you want so badly to fit in. Me and the girls had a few things in common, fighting, bad tempers, and wanting to fit in. We just wanted to be part of something for once, is that so bad?
We wanted to be of a community that accepted us for who we are. Like a little lost bird that has fallen out of the tree, and a cat eats him. Or a person wandering around lost in the dark and gets shot. Maybe those are wrong examples, but you know what I mean." At this point he kind of shifts in his chair, and pushes his glasses back up on his nose. I really don't think he had an idea of what I was saying, so I continued.
"Anyway, we were trained to be the best thieves in the business. Oh sure the Darling Agency was a security company on paper, but in reality they emptied out offices like taking candy from a baby. We walked around with confidence and authority. And if anyone came up to question us, we let them have it. You see my so called bad temper paid off in the end. It was one of the reasons I was hired, me and the other girls. We were taught to lie and steal; we were good at it too. But that ended too quickly, I guess I should have known better. I'll never find a place to belong."
The guy had out his phone was recording everything I said, maybe it wasn't a phone who knows any more. I don't think he agreed with some of the things I said. Or maybe he wasn't comfortable coming to the jail.
Anyway this is my story, now I sit in jail doing 15 to life, me and the girls. But the good new is that now we have found a community, a place in which we belong. It's funny how things work out, we have a place to call it our own. I guess I learned a very valuable lesson, you just can't trust people.
