There's a girl in my class.
Her hair wasn't short, but it wasn't very long. Her clothes weren't flashy, but they're not ordinary. She is a girl, who laughs out loud, but still covers her mouth. Sometimes I find myself staring at her, her eyes glow with each smile. I wonder if she knows that one day, she will hate staring into the mirror, her eyes sunken and body stricken with exhaustion.
She loves to draw, it's like her art comes to life with each stroke of a pencil. She loves to eat and laugh when she couldn't get her words out with food in her mouth. She enjoys sports, we once talked about an alternate universe where she becomes a famous soccer player. Her passion for living is wonderful. I wonder if she knows that none of her ambitions will come true. Her art would never be featured in museums, she'll hate the feeling of wanting to eat, never shall she run or frolic again, there's just no time for any of that.
She loves school. Her grades weren't earth-shattering, but they weren't mediocre either. I find her in the library sometimes, taping her head, trying to figure out today's lesson. While her friends groan about the workload, she would laugh and agree, but I know she enjoys the stream of problems flowing in front of her eyes, waiting to be solve. Her ears would perk up every time she hears someone needing help, slowly inching towards them while whistling a tune of slight confidence. I wonder if she knows that she will never be able to solve them again, her knowledge would fade overtime without use, if she even had any in the first place. No one will take her seriously; they'll mock her attempt at learning or applying anything she knows.
She loved a boy, a sweet boy. He was kind and caring, they would talk for hours on ends, no matter the subject. She daydreams about their future, like every other girl her age. Sadly, I wonder if she knows that they'll never see each other again. The man she marries will not be her choice, but at least he isn't a bad man, he's just frustrated with life. They'll start a family together, but her children will not be more fortunate than her, no matter how much she prays, perhaps they'll grow to hate her for bringing them into this cursed world.
I wonder if she'll come to regret her life, if she'll begin to hate her kids, her husband, her ugly face in the mirror, her lack of knowledge, her ill-fated love life. I wonder if she thinks back on our alternate universe conversation, perhaps hoping that somewhere out there in the expanding void, she would've lived a different life.
That girl in my class, she resembles my mother.
That poor woman.
I wonder if she knows I would do anything to be not exist if it meant she'll gets her life back.
