Hello my name is Andrew. So I am afraid of clowns. So here is some clown advice. So what do you do if attacked by a posse of clowns? Go for the juggler. So my wife likes to make fun of my fear of clowns. She scares me by saying " A clown held the door for me yesterday, I know it was a nice jester." When the kids were in bed fast asleep, we were sitting on the couch and my wife told me about her day she said " Did you hear about the fire at the circus? I heard it was in tents. Luckily one of the clowns escaped they could be anywhere, well too bad the police can't find them, goodnight" We both went to bed and I said to my wife. " I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed." Then I had the scariest dream. So my wife likes to go on hiking trails in the morning, so in my dream I saw my wife on a hiking trial, she stopped and spotted in the distance a clown dragging something heavy like a human body in a trash bag. The clown stopped and dropped the trash bag and turned looking at her. My wife said " Learning how to collect trash wasn't hard. I just picked it up as I went along." The clown began to chase her. So the next thing that I saw was my wife was inside the house looking at the front porch door and the window beside it. there was an egg smashed on the window and then another one. It was about nighttime, the clown came onto the front porch and looked at her through the window it tried to open the front porch door but it was locked, then it came to the window again and looked at her holding a trash bag. My wife said "Don't be such an egg head" Then the clown left and my wife called the cops, they came over and sked her if she has seen the missing circus clown she said " Yes, he is missing" Once she felt safe and the cops gone, she spent the whole night outside cleaning the eggs off the window. the next thing I saw was my wife finding a clown stuffy on the front porch, she took it and put it in a plastic bag. She called the cops but they didn't show up, so she went out to her favorite coffee shop and she had an Iced cold brew. then someone said to her " Your Brew-it-ful" that was during the day. So the next thing I saw was my wife standing outside looking at the front porch door, it was dark outside, so she had to use her phone as a flashlight, there was a message on the front porch door that said " How do I look? with your eyes" My wife turned and saw the clown looking at her she said " Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job." The clown nodded his head and tied up my wife and said " I can't believe I got fired from the Calendar factory, all I did was take the day off" The clown forced her to the backyard, she was standing there as the clown was trying to make a fire. My wife said " I tried donating blood today NEVER EVER AGAIN! too many stupid questions, whose blood is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket?" The clown left to get more things for the fire. When the clown was out of sight, my wife untied herself and snuck into the house. My wife was inside the house, the front porch doors were locked, and the lights were out, my wife was standing there looking out the window and only seeing darkness. She said " Is he gone? Maybe I should go and check?" With a shaky hand she unlocked the front porch door and stepped outside into the darkness, it was cold outside and she used her phone as a flashlight and made her way to the trees. She saw a message on one of them that said " You should have not come outside." She moved past the tree and turned to her left, there in the distance was the clown. The clown looked at her and said " My boss told me to have a good day so I went home, now your home is my home." The clown then chased her and I don't know if she made it because it went dark after that. the last thing I saw was a burning human body on a fire and the clown laughing saying
" YOU RE FIRED!" The clown left and stalked another young victim who was sitting at a picnic table with the streetlight shining down on them, her back was facing the clown, she was typing on her laptop. The clown moved closer and closer and closer and closer until it was behind her, he put his hands on her shoulders. and that's when I opened my eyes. So my favorite time on a clock is 6:30 hands down that's the time I fell out of bed and then got dressed, my wife came in and said " Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fantasea." I told her about my dream about the missing clown, she looked at me and said " I ll call you later." Still scared I said" Don't call me latter, call me dad." She said "Ok dad" and then she left. When I was man enough to come downstairs luckily the kids were still sleeping. I came downstairs and went to the Kitchen and saw to my horror a scary clown standing across the table looking at me. We both stood in silence looking at each other for a minute and then he said "Hi I'm Cliff, drop over sometime" I did, I fell facedown on the ground, then I got up, feeling brave I said" Well its better than jumping off a cliff" Well I must have made him very angry because he lunged at me. So what do you do if attacked by a posse of clowns or even just one clown? Go for the juggler. And that's exactly what I did. Then after I went to the bathroom and puked.