Freedom Is Sweet, But At A Bitter Price

Darker days has Keith Anderson seen in his lifetime, of 49 years, despite still being a youth in his mind and body, but never had a day been as sad as this one. Here was this legendary renaissance man, in his all light sapphire business suit, with fancy pointed cerise shoes and a gold watch, standing near the physical monument of dread, that would not bring peace to the minds of the masses.

This monument was the grave of Keith’s father, a man who should have been worth a rare gem to his 49 year old son, that was Keith, a man that should have been a joy, to be worth mourning over, but nothing like that was existent to Keith.

As Keith stared at that grave, he was clenching both his fists, his face stiff as a dead animal that departed on bitter terms, a face of both disturbance and hurt, covering up the utter chaos, of good reason within himself, as he began to remember the memories of himself, with this man, who seemed like an angel, but Keith knew him the best of anyone, out of either friend or family.

As a child, Keith and his father were always at each other's throats, although Keith did not choose to be a warhead all the time, as it was his father, who seemed to be possessed with a demon of war, or something possibly more sinister, as he chose to provoke and distress and agitate Keith, at every single turn, like a pissed off soldier on a personal mission.

Oftentimes, he would complain about Keith’s nature, whenever Keith was working with him on cars, or on electrical systems, or on invoices, and in other areas, because unlike his father, Keith was a doer, a person who was willing to sit on a problem in silence, and fix it with painstaking effort, a person who never let small things throw off his focus, a person who took the time to see the bigger picture, as opposed to only focusing on the details too hard, and a person who was willing to work for any duration, with no wasted motion or wasted focus, on anything that prolonged itself to be a true challenge, until it was easier and easier and easier, then was able to be done away with, at last.

Keith’s father was the total opposite, as he was impatient, quick results driven, too much of a talker, a hater of challenges, too scattered in his mental game, and a hater of long tasks. As a result of these contrasts, Keith was more chosen for work than his father as a child, and his father never sat well with it.

By the time Keith was in his early teens, his father became progressively harder to deal with, and 10xs worse in his attitude, month by month it seemed, as he became more brazenly bold in his narcissism.

Keith’s father would start to critique his dressing code with much scorn and venom, which was neat and well put together consistently, and soon following afterwards, he began to disturb Keith at nights, always creating some ruckus, either by intentional loud snoring, or waking up Keith out of his sleep, by shaking him or throwing cold water on him, going on to falsely accuse him of stealing something, time and again, and whenever Keith told him that he never took anything, his father would still go to slap or punch him in the face, causing lacerations and such else, and then went on a needless rant for hours, all the time, loudly talking about how much of a “thief and headache Keith was”, and how much parenting hurts, always over-exaggerating his lies, even worse when family members or friends were around too.

During that time of Keith’s life, his mother was no longer present among the living, so he was alone, in this rock and a hard place, and had to develop a thick skin for himself, but it took him over 100’s of times, of failure, in not reacting and keeping himself tamed, before he became a master at dealing with his father, and although he did this well for his age indeed, it cost him something, something dear that he could never get back fully—his emotional stability.

Keith’s father then drastically moved onto more horrid actions, like refusing to pay for Keith’s school fees, never attending his report days, always trash talking about him to everyone (Who knew Keith for themselves, trying to turn people against him.), preparing Keith’s food halfway or only serving himself (Forcing Keith to cook for himself most times.), going into Keith’s room and vandalizing it, for no reason at all, making snide remarks about Keith’s multiple work wise and athletic wise achievements outside of school, dictating to Keith as to who he should be, forcing Keith to choose between his friends and family (By family, his father meant himself alone, of course.), and many other crazy things, that no grown adult should ever do to a child.

After 7 years of this, and being unable to tolerate his father anymore, Keith, at age 20, and just 11 days after his high school graduation, just packed his things, and walked away, leaving no departure note, nor telling anyone that he was leaving, as he felt like he owned nobody an explanation, as his father’s narcissistic behavior was so blatant, that his sudden and silent departure needed no logical reasoning to fathom.

After 29 years of moving out of his father’s house, and having to work over 18 jobs in between as well, Keith became a renaissance man, as he learned over 22 skills, that would carry him all throughout his life. Just 11 months after Keith moved out, he was able to find work at a hardware factory, as he had an impressive background in that field, as a child, and he made a handsome amount of money over time, to the point where he was able to buy his first car and his first home, the next year.

During that time, Keith was living with his maternal grandmother, who had a peaceful and gentle and warm, and almost zen-like spirit to her, which was the total opposite of his father, and living with her was a blessing that was endless, filled with ever increasingly growing benefits, and every moment he got to be around her, he would extend by an extra hour, or an extra day or two or three, depending on how flexible his work life was, rushing and wasting no time spent with her in totality, wanting to cherish her to the fullest extent possible.

After getting his first house, and settling well there, for the first 3 years, he then moved his maternal grandmother in with him, and although Keith was laughed at by other men, for being a “soft man”, he would roll his eyes all the while, and keep it moving, as he loved his grandmother a lot, as she was much sweeter and better than any female that he ever knew, and although he could have found a girlfriend, anytime he wanted to, he chose to abort that, as his deep thirst for living a purposeful life, and his deep interest for only having his grandmother, as the main lady in his life, both were too much of a top priority, and too powerful, for him to compromise.

As the years went on by, Keith’s experience and wisdom in life grew (By leaps and bounds.), and his skill set grew as well, so much, that he found it impossible to be out of work, and if he was, it wasn’t for long, seeming to have the special love of God on him somewhat, and his pay rate went from “peanut butter and bread and skittles money”, to being in the $100,000’s of dollars a month or so, as he had over 7 streams of “passive income”, in ebooks and real estate and other things, and as he grew into a rare gem of excellence, more and more, his grandmother began to see the true masculine man, that Keith was coming to be, which never surprised her, as she always saw great promise and excellence in him, from the day he came out of his mother’s womb, and from the day he moved out of his father’s “dungeon”, to come live with her, and create his own life path as well.

When Keith’s father began to reap the rewards, for his terrible parenting of Keith, this showed in his gradual declining health over the years, which was deteriorating by the minute, than was normal, as he had (Diabetes, prostate cancer, lung cancer, dementia, loss of knee cartilage, partial blindness, kidney stones, and a sad case of arthritis as well.), which was his own fault in all the sense, as he was a heavy smoker and a heavy drinker and a fast food addict, and was lazy, to the point where a single jog was too bothersome for him, and he also had a mean spirit, as he was increasingly bitter and angry and sharp tongued, due to a lot of good things, which he once enjoyed all for himself (Due to Keith, and the blessings that followed him.), coming to the stage of finally drying up in his wasted and wretched life.

When Keith was told about his father’s declining health at his age of 44, by his father’s side of the family, Keith didn’t care, to be frank, because he warned his father about his behavior and his evil ways and his dark path, but due to knowing that his father wasn’t able to help himself anymore, and seeing the deep pain, on the faces of his father’s family members, Keith had a different heart, in place of his conflicted one, from above in the heavens, and he gave his father’s side of the family, $300,000 to $700,000 a month (He was earning millions of dollars at this point in his life.), to help them take care of him.

The family appreciated his help, but never forced Keith to go visit his father, as they themselves knew that it wasn’t constructive for Keith to do so, as they knew how awful his father was, and for the next five years, Keith’s father got the best care and treatment ever, possibly the best treatment known to mankind, to sheer perfection, as he lacked nothing, and he was free to relax on his hammock to infinity, but something felt missing, out of place in his life, and shocking to the family, Keith was that same thing, or so Keith himself thought too.

When Keith turned age 48, his father became so weakened down, and spiritually and emotionally drained as well, that he gave up on the narcissism it seemed, and after requesting for Keith countless times, Keith finally decided to go, although not trusting his father.

When Keith went to see his father, he was horrified to the bone, as he stepped into his father’s room. He stood from his father, a few feet away, as his old man, who was a stout fella all his life, full of flesh as well, was a well placed middle man, between being a skeleton and being a soggy looking Santa Claus.

Keith silently shed tears, while shaking his head repeatedly, unable to believe that his own father looked like an abomination, that should only exist from hell itself, put into a horror movie, but he still pushed himself, with uncommon strength from god knows where, to go over to where his father was, and speak to him.

The conversation wasn’t that long, as it didn’t pass 40 minutes, mostly having lots of pauses and awkwardness in it, before his father began to blame him for this pain and agony that he was in, accusing Keith of abandoning him, raising his voice above what was necessary, going rapid fire with a long list of “wrongs” that Keith did, and as his father was going on and on and on, like a madman who drank too much liquor with vehemence, Keith just stood there, looking at him while nodding, with no flexion in his facial muscles, as he came to realize, right then and there, that his father was incapable of positive change, and he saw that he was just faking the “benevolent old man” persona, to lure him in, to do the same crap as before, but when Keith’s father insulted his maternal grandmother, calling her a “civilized whore”, And an “angelic sex symbol of used and abused goods”, Keith grabbed his coat and his hat, and then stormed out of there, his face beyond tightened and hardened, and his fist well clenched, and Keith never came back to visit his father evermore, after that awful encounter, until fate would have them meet once again, but this time, on terms that were not expected from anyone.

Four days before Keith’s 49th birthday, his father fell gravely ill once again, in more ways than one, and was rushed to the hospital, and although he was going well for the first few hours, the frail and near lifeless body of Keith’s father went into shock, and despite multiple attempts to revitalize him, Keith’s father died, biting on his own tongue.

When Keith got the news, on his 49th birthday, Keith had no emotions to be truthful, except relief, as he was glad that his father was no longer around, mainly to not burden or hurt or tie down others anymore, but Keith did feel strange though, as it was a new reality to get used to, having once again a full functional life, without his father there to create constant friction and chaos and division and hardship, which he was a grandmaster at.

Keith paid for the funeral expenses, but attended the funeral from a distance, with nobody knowing that he was there, and after everybody left, including the pastor, Keith went over to his father’s grave, and stood there for over 3 hours, remembering all the memories of his father, to which all of them were not passable at the least, in any goodness or special nature, by any standards in heaven, or by the church, in morality, as he stood there angry, but also looking back at how much he progressed in his own life, and seeing that he never repeated his father’s nature within himself too, Keith released his clenched fist, lightened and loosened his face, and then processed all those dark emotions from years back, in one sitting, and then, with no hesitation, he openly spoke forgiveness of his father, over and over and over again, with intention, until he no longer felt those dark emotions, before he stared at his father’s grave once again, with a sober face, before shaking his head and walking away, throwing away the flowers in his hand to his mother’s grave, and smiling as well.

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