"I washed the dishes today" Swami proudly proclaimed, when Jigneshbhai and I visited them. For a change, we had met today at Swami's house today for our coffee. The purported reason for that being that Swami had lots of work at home so he can't make it today. Jigneshbhai insisted that we must meet, and so eventually Swami relented and told us to come home.
"That's just today, what about me washing them for the past three days?" jutted Swami's wife, claiming her rightful place under the sun.
"Yes. By the way, we need to get that floor swab tomorrow. Do you know where you get it nearby?" Swami asked me earnestly. This sudden question of where to get a floor swab put me in a quandary, and my mind started aimlessly wandering the neighbourhood visually to determine if I had seen anything like that of late. But Swami's wife came to the rescue.
"No - don't try that. Let's look for an alternative tomorrow" Swami's wife interjected, recognizing the risks.
"That's what I have been telling him since morning" his wife now spoke to Jigneshbhai recognizing him as the sane knowledgeable voice in the three of us. "But he just does not take any effort to get another maid" her complaint continued.
"I have been trying. But these security people don't respond to my requests. How else do I get a maid? Am I a head-hunter?" Swami defended himself, in front of the jury-like Jigneshbhai.
Swami's son started wondering what's wrong with his parents. They looked made for each other normally. But he soon realized that the reason for their special banter today was clearly the maid. Or let's say the lack of a maid. And her absence for the past few days.
Couples fight over different things at different stages in life, Jigneshbhai and I thought.
"Newly married couples fight over in-laws and whether they should tolerate each other's parents any longer." Jigneshbhai had told Swami and me once, many years back.
"A few years later perhaps, they start fighting over whose job or whose career is more important if both are working. A few years down the line it is, perhaps, over which house to buy, and then, over children and how to raise them." He had explained the life cycle of couple quarrels. Like all other subjects, Jigneshbhai had done his research on this as well.
He had then wisely added "But I guess one thing that runs through as a common thread over the years is domestic chores and who does what."
"The activities of house cleaning, dish washing, and other countless related activities stay there, and don't disappear. And the house maid is a third-party solution that all parties concerned are comfortable with. A maid is a solution to multiple problems that couples face at different stages in life."
Swami and I had then wondered whether Jigneshbhai had started a new marriage counsellor practice along with his financial business. But his research and study on this subject was as sound as his expertise on investing. He was not done yet.
"Young couples get more quality time due to maids. Middle aged couples get more peace of mind due to maids. And Old age couples get respite from each other due to maids. NRI couples return to India due to maids. Migrating couples leave India in tears because they will have no maids. A lot of matrimonial harmony can be attributed to the stable presence of a maid in the household."
So all in all, for couples, everything goes smoothly when the maid is around.
Till she inevitably goes missing. Like it had happened in Swami's household of late. Jigneshbhai asked Swami and his wife "So is this is a Short Abscond or a Full Attrition?"
Swami thought this was one of Jigneshbhai’s technical jargon on this subject, and as usual had a confused look. His wife joined him with the same and stared at Jigneshbhai. They were truly made for each other.
Jigneshbhai noticed the double confusion and clarified.
"'Short Absconds' typically happen once every few weeks. And the 'Full Attrition - probably to greener pastures or God knows where' happens once every few months."
Swami and his wife looked at each other and were wondering which one this was. "Probably a Short Abscond" Swami answered first. "But it's been five days now" his wife contradicted him. Swami quickly clarified with a pensive face "Maybe it is going to be a Full Attrition"
Jigneshbhai stayed silent for a while, and his face revealed his concern for Swami, knowing fully well that his domestic bliss was in grave danger given the seriousness of the situation.
I could see that Swami had started imagining a sink full of dishes waiting to be washed every morning. In his mind, he had started visualizing learning the art of floor swabbing without bending your back. And next weekend's coffee meet was probably also unlikely. Jigneshbhai and I thought Swami will be dusting the house next weekend, and for a change, having someone more irritated than him, in the form of his wife, to console all the time.
The wealthy old man must be missing us today, we thought. He might have had some words of advice for Swami and his wife. Perhaps Swami himself filled that role up today. Adversity does bring the wisdom in even the most irritable amongst us. As we left his house, Swami came up to me and Jigneshbhai and said, "Guys - if you and your wives are made for each other, please invest in a maid for each other. It will pay off in the long run."
