I felt so safe with this nigga. I mean I felt like couldn’t nothing or nobody get to me when he was around, that used to turn me on. He loved me too, at least I thought he did! I mean he made me laugh, he was down to do everything I wanted to do, took me on the block with him (to show me off and have me with him), random kisses from behind, love making in the shower, good ass pillow talk, and a long line of history, doesn’t that count as real love? How could there be any questions about if he was genuine or not? He showed out when he took me outside the way he did, sometimes us women feel like that type of stuff solidifies his loyalty to us and how much he fuck with us, doing stuff like taken us around the family and friends. Whole time that’s just a distraction from the true hidden agenda. Every time you go out you’re paying, he’s calling asking for small money transfers, makes insinuating jokes for you to order things for him offline, making plans to do things as if he’s going to pick up the tab, whole time it’s really about to be your responsibility. Finally, I saw that he didn’t really love me, he was using the fuck out of me and loved what I could do for him. That cut deep and I didn’t want to believe that all the years we had known each other and everything we went through, the bond we built and the memories we created was all for what I was giving. So yep, like a fool I stayed. He was a crush and love that I just was too afraid to let go of when in actual reality I was holding on to a poor excuse of a manipulative, broke loser. Having the baby with another woman was my breaking point though, which is sad because the way he treated me should have been the reason I walked away. It’s funny the things that people accept and when they say, “enough is enough.” It’s even worse that with time I found myself back in his possession. I was different though mentally but still weak for him. He was different too more affectionate, his mental had grown, his body more masculine and stronger, and his protection more dominant. I was back in love with the person he took every dime I had and then he left too. Why did I go back, could I say, “because I never felt safer than when I was with him?” During our long break I saw a lot and experienced hell, I wanted to feel shielded again I needed to feel like I could go to sleep and be completely vulnerable, maybe that’s why I went back. I went back to find that nothing had changed, I was still an ATM his ATM. He held my hand this time though and rubbed my feet made us more personable. When I called he answered or got right back to me. I thought this time we were in it for the long wrong. Ha, boy was I wrong! The moment I stated I was no longer the provider he found the perfect way to try and flip the script and say his goodbyes. Did I fight for him to stay how I used to, Hell No!