Maybe the reason I allowed him to hit me was because I felt like he really loved and cared about me. He took me out on dates planned and/or unexpected, brought home flowers for no reason, he wasn’t afraid to apologize when he was in the wrong, and woke me up cause he had my pussy in his mouth. I saw him as a real man he took care of home and me. How could I see him as anything different? Although I tried to block it out and say that it wasn’t destroying me every time the coward cocked his fist back and brought pain to my face that kept me from smiling cause his blow would hurt so bad, I couldn’t help but fold and start facing my reality. I was allowing an insecure coward, just in a different form of what I was used to (the street life type), more than likely with mommy issues destroy a beautiful woman, heavy on the destroying. It got to the point where the flowers he brought home wasn’t just because like they use to, only now he brought them home because of his actions before he left home that day, they were more than less an apology. Yet still I stayed, why is that? Is any reason acceptable? If I said I stayed because I felt like he was the first guy I felt was truly for me, matched me mentally and understood me and if he didn’t he would take the time to try and learn? Or at least could the reason I stayed justify how I allowed him to belittle my mental “oh your so damn stupid” or “shut your damn mouth,” he would say all because I wouldn’t agree with his point of view or back down to his lack of security of feeling the need to be in control? Of course, I’m too damn sassy to let anybody talk to me like that so like any other time I chanced saying what I had to say, “you shut the fuck up nigga, who the fuck do you think you talking to,” ha, and that’s when he once again showed me that yes he was stronger physically but he was weak mentally. My mental strength is why he put his hands on me, sometimes being a strong-minded woman can get you hurt if you fall into the hands of the wrong person. Every time he hit me I lost more respect for him. I began to see him differently than when we first got together. He was the most attractive man walking; there was no man sexier to me! He was the perfect height, skin so chocolate and clean, and that damn pinky ring and cologne he wore daily, oh my goodness. I wasn’t seeing that, I saw a broken coward that wasn’t confident within his self and could only handle women that wouldn’t challenge him and not make him feel smaller than what he already felt from within. I guess there is no reason to stay with a mutha fucka whose putting they hands on you, that goes for women and men. I knew that back then and still laid with that enemy night after night, losing me.