Jacob opened his eyes to see that he wasn't in his room anymore. He didn't know exactly where he was at but he was in someone's house. Certainly not the house his mother had bought recently. But a very familiar voice gave him a hint at his location. "Come on friend!" The voice belonged to his mother's lifelong best friend Jessica. "I'll drink this birthday wine by my damn self." Jessica was sitting at the dining room table. Jacob noticed the the small partially eaten birthday cake. Part of the name was gone but he could tell it was his mother's. "It's her birthday." He said to himself. He looked for any information that would reveal how old she was turning. There was none on the part of the cake that was still left.
"Girl I'm coming." Jacob could hear his mother's voice coming from what sounded like upstairs. It's gone be my birthday by the time you get down here." Jessica screamed back up the stairs. Jacob really didn't know what to expect. He could feel his stomach tighten as his mother walked down the stairs. But when he saw her he smiled. He didn't know exactly how old she was now. But he could tell it had to have been about ten years or so. She looked visibly older than the last time he seen her, which in his time only had been about four months ago. But for the first time in his life she looked like an old woman. She made her way to the dining room chair next to her friend and sat slowly. "Dammit friend," Jessica said as she poured them both a glass of wine. "I know you just turned sixty-one but you don't gotta move like it." She said playfully. "Sixty-one" Jacob said to himself. Eight years had passed. He sat down in a chair that wasn't at the table but off in a corner like a decorative piece. "Girl tell that to these old bones." They both laughed and lifted their wine glasses. "To my best friend, happy birthday!" Marie took Jessica's hand and held it tight. "I love you too." They both sipped their wine and talked. "I really am glad that you decided to move to Texas with me Marie." Jessica started. "First Texas birthday!" Marie took another sip and smiled "Me too. And I'm glad them folks overpaid me for that house, cause baybee," Jessica raised her glass again."And I'll toast to that!" She said as she clinked her glass with Marie's . They took another sip and Marie let out a sigh. Jessica didn't have to read her friend's mind. "So, you gonna tell me how birthday therapy went?"
"It was fine," Marie said. I mean, you know. She thought it was important that I come in today. And I agreed."
"Well, you know your therapist is really good. And I agree also. Plus, this is a big first step Marie. I was happy you let me get that cake and this wine. And next year ima have a big ass 6 and 2 waiting for yo ass too." They both laughed "when was the last time you laughed on your birthday girl?" Jessica asked even though she already knew that answer. "I know friend." Marie replied "I honestly didn't think I'd ever feel this fine today." Jessica took a sip of wine, and then grabbed Marie's hand. "Marie, finding out your son committed suicide on your birthday will do that to any mother. But taking your power back over this day is huge." Jacob started to feel lightheaded. He tried his hardest to remember what date his today was. He knew that it was the month of May obviously. But he was sure his mother's birthday wasn't for almost a week because it fell on Mother's Day this year, as it did every few years. "I know," Marie said "If it wasn't for Jesus I'd be in a grave somewhere. And coming to the realization that Miles just didn't want to be here anymore is still the hardest part. But these sessions with Patrice is putting me in a healthy place. And for that I am truly grateful." "I know friend." Jessica started to say something else, but she could tell that Marie was getting ready to speak again. "He struggled so much. And I know he left us here to struggle and to hold his pain. But part of my healing was finally being truly happy that he's not in anymore pain, instead of just being devastated that he died." A single tear fell from her eye. She didn't wipe it. "And I told Patrice this today too, that he had to have been so sad and so mentally unreachable for so long. He held that for so long, I just couldn't imagine my son suffering like that." Marie motioned for Jessica to pour her another glass of wine. And she did. "Marie," she said softly. "Now I know you spent a long ass time blaming yourself. And girl, watching my friend almost deteriorate and wither away to nothing was more than I could bare to watch. Shit, You know how I feel about the church, fuckin money hungry ass muthafuckas. But I never prayed so much or so hard in my life when Miles died. I didn't want this to consume you the way his suffering consumed him. Like, if a muthafucka kill my son, I know, I'd be crushed. But I'd be angry! At the nigga or bitch who did it. I could focus that other part of my grief which is anger at somebody. I could hate them, kill them even. Same grief, different emotion, directed in two different directions. But when the person you're grieving for is the same person you're grieving against, it's unnatural." Jessica held back tears, afraid that she wouldn't be able to finish. "And you know me friend, I wanna kill Miles sometimes. He really fuckin killed my best friends child. Like, You know how angry you gotta be to kill somebody? How much rage it takes to take a life? I can't imagine what that feels like. What he must've felt like. But I do know I watched you give that grief to God over the last year and a half and I just followed suit girl." Jessica poured the last of the wine into Marie's glass. "Thank you Jesus." Marie said before lifting the glass to her lips. "I'll never be the same Jess." She took a sip "God literally gives me just enough to make it thru the day, no more no less. Food doesn't taste the same, the air doesn't taste the same. When I go to sleep it doesn't feel the same. Life will never, I WILL NEVER be the same." Jacob watched his mother quietly cry with her best friend. He quietly cried with them. With both his hands he wiped the tears from his eyes. When he opened them he was sitting next to The Lighthouse. The Lighthouse was crying.