Chapter
7
As she got into her car to leave the tears running down her cheek burned like a fire pit. Yet she couldn't make them stop. She just made a fool of herself and now what was she to do? She wondered if the words or feelings she just placed upon him would really be enough to make him stay and not run so far she would never find him. While she drove to the home she despised she replayed all they had spoke of. She wondered what he was going to do with all she had just laid on the table.
As the tears still stung she was so in thought to what he had said she almost ran a red light. "Damn it!" she yelled as she slammed on her brakes.
She just needed to get home, even though it wasn't her favorite place to be it was her world and had been for awhile. As she began to drive again more of Austin's words slipped into her brain. "Look Brookann please give me some time to think." She knew she would but damn it, it scared the shit out of her.
She knew that her days now would be long until she heard from him again, and that was the toughest thing about all this. When would she hear from him again? What would he say? What reaction would he give, or most importantly what excuse would he use?
With her tears now to a minimum she decided to do some boring shopping that she had been putting off so to the grocery store she went instead of going home like she had planned.
She knew it wouldn't matter anyway even if her husband was there, he wouldn't be thinking of her.
Brookann arrived home with sacks and sacks of food. She always swore she would never go to the store hungry and look what happened. Even though it most likely wasn't hunger it was more on the verge of anger and to her the best way to spend money right now was at the grocery store so later she could eat herself to oblivion and pretend she was happy. She spoke out loud "Sure how sickening is that? Let's just have a pity party for Brookann."
She heard the front door slam and wondered what her husband was doing home, he wasn't supposed to be back for at least another week, but she hurried to the bathroom to check her face and make sure that Brad didn't know or notice that something was a matter with her. As she looked into the mirror the reflection that shined back at her was not one she expected. The sadness actually showed and her cheeks where peaked, her eyes were swollen, she looked like a hot train express. She splashed water on her face and headed for the other room.
When she walked into the kitchen she stopped and with the look of a lost puppy stared at her husband and wondered where it all went. Even though Brad was the same height as she was, five two to five three, and little in stock he was built, tanned complexion, coal black hair, which she loved, he would keep it in the military style which fit him well, a long with his strong handsome features, her favorite part that she always loved was his smoldering, yet, prettiest cat green eyes she ever seen and his cute little smile she used to get lost in.
With a jolt his words startled her back to life. "What, oh nothing!" Brookann caught herself saying yet didn't even hear what he said in the least.
Brad came to her and asked if she was feeling well while placing his hand on her forehead and saying you didn't look so good.
"I'm fine!" She heard herself say and moved away from him. The last thing she wanted was his fake affection. She was surprised he even noticed her standing there.
The bad thing was she couldn't feel anything but coldness, she was trying to remember we're everything went wrong, when did it go wrong? How many times had she tried talking to him to let him know she was empty inside, help her help them get back what they had? But it never seemed to work, every word just went into one ear and out the other she swore it did. At the beginning of their relationship you couldn't have asked for a better man. They talked long talks, laid in bed after making love for hours at a time just making that their special time. She recalled placing the cold ashtray on his chest and it would drive him crazy, but she would giggle and keep it there. She remembered so many good times but now with the comfort of their marriage he just took advantage that she would always be there and it hurt her the most to know that's all it was anymore, comfort. As she placed more of the food she had bought away she wondered if the were more people like her out there. But once again her thoughts were interrupted by his words. She answered the question and still continued to recall things that actually attracted her to him.
At this moment it was easier to continue to feel she had done all the wrong in the marriage even though if she really thought about it she had to recall Brad was an addict and would be. And that brought another roller coaster ride to their marriage all on its own. But that is something she truly tried to place out of her mind because it hurt more then the loneliness she felt at this moment. She could remember the pull and tug and heart ship for helping him through the roughest time of life, at least that's what she always told herself. But right now that wasn't important as what was happening to their life, their marriage, their love where did it all go?
As her thoughts went even deeper, she grabbed a glass and poured some wine, in hopes it would take the edge off the day to play house for the rest of the evening, and what a long evening this and every day will be until Austin called her.
As she floated around the house she changed into comfortable clothes, refilled her wine glass and noticed she had about four hours to relax and decide what she was going to do to keep herself busy until she could take held into another world of sleep and dreams.