Chapter
6
Austin has just taken a sip of his coffee when she spoke the words, "I'm in love with you!" He began to choke and cough, Brookann had a look on her face that just didn't seem real. "Do you know what you're saying?" Austin flew up and continued to say; "When you tell someone you love them you shouldn't have a ring tied to your finger and you sure damn well shouldn't be having long time love affairs with someone you only wrote to for six years."
He looked long into her eyes waiting for more of what she had to say, waiting to get the blow from his own contradictions and feelings, he knew she had a rock on her finger. He's the one that came willingly to her home and made sweet love to her, where did he get off, yet he wasn't going to let her know that.
But it must have been hard for her to even say those words to him. Brookann had been married for six and a half years now and they both, in his eyes, knew their relationship was starting to get stronger before she even married the jerk, but she felt she had to do what she needed to do, so she married the man with no second thoughts behind it. He could honestly say that neither Brookann nor he knew they would feel the way they have begun to feel over the years.
He just did his best to make sure all the black and white of pin on paper was kept as friends just needing someone to keep each other company. But now here she was telling him what he wanted to hear and yet here he was ranting to himself about something that he wants to say himself.
Rather she was married, separated, or on her way to divorce court, because that's where she would be in the end, he would be there to catch her when she falls.
The son of a bitch she was married to in his opinion never deserved her. He has no common sense of a marriage, he was always to stuck on himself to care about anyone and what they thought, it was never his fault and he treated her like a locked up bird he could feed every now and then and she should be happy with that. So.... In his eyes if she wanted to tell him she loves him then he would show her what love really was. His way!
While he was thinking all this through he noticed tears running down her face and he brought himself back to the real world and went to her to wipe the tears away but by this time she had thought of his words and with a push of her hand she pulled away, and slapped him, her hand had to be hurting because his ego sure was.
She blurted out, "When your done making accusations of my feelings I will say it again if I need too." With each word her face becoming more red with anger then he could imagine and he knew he'd better back off because if he didn't this southern little back woods man was in for it. Shit! Had he said all he was thinking out loud?
Shit.... Shit.... Shit....
She began with a very calm tone she could use to get through to anyone, and a far off seeker wouldn't even realize she was angry if they were not involved in the conversation.
"You son of a bitch!" Yep she's pissed he thought. "How dare you set there and make such notions about either one of us and what I or even you, for gosh sakes are feeling, when I see right through you! Let me tell you something Austin Daniel you are setting right there thinking the same thing I just spoke of, you chicken shit, and knowing you...... the way I do over the years, of letters and phone calls you are being a hypocrite!" With a dumb founded look on Austin 's face he had to stutter a little as he spoke, "Now Brookann, take a breath you don't have to be so harsh, how do you know what I'm feeling you're the one that brought it up first!" She puffed out her shoulders and spoke with that true madness in her tone as her hand flew through her hair, "Well excuse me for speaking the amendment of, of oh dang it..... the one where I can say any damn thing I want!" At this time he knew she was pissed because she couldn't even think of the fifth amendment. Yep I've had it I just as well set back and take my own ass off until I can have time to think about what she said without interruptions. Which may be a while, Austin thought.
She looked up at him and the tears had stopped and her voice had grown a little stronger to the air that was around us, as she set there letting the words she had just spoken to him sink in, really sink in, she figured she'd really blow him by surprise she went quiet. She'd never tried this before to be honest, she always said the last word, but then again when no one was listening you would get the last word.
So as her green eyes smoldered with their true color and continuing to glare at him, she's just set there knowing it would take a minute or two for him to realize she had shut up. Yet as she did she was amazed at the thoughts she was having and yet how it was nice to be honest with someone and express herself in any way she felt the need too, but then again......
Honestly, "Yeah right!" She hadn't been honest for quit some time, not to herself, her husband nor her love affair of the heart. So here was her chance and damn it she was going to snatch up the moment even if it hurt every word they had said or wrote to one another. She needed for him to know, she wanted her heart to start believing in her feelings.
She knew Austin had no clue that all his letters to her were wrapped in a pretty Red ribbon and she could almost recite them each word for word, she had reread them every chance she had gotten, or when she was having a bad day, she placed herself in the world of his words. It placed comfort along with happiness to her mind.
She had put herself in her own prison without knowing it, until it was too late. But she couldn't make herself come to a stop of any words that came to her hands with a paper. He was to easy talk too, tell her fantasy too, or even just to say "Wow what a day I had." She truly felt he is now part of her soul and the blood pumping through her veins to make her heart beat daily. It was time to fix the problem and not let it spiral out of control, now that he lives not thirty minutes away it would be to easy to ease her car right into his drive. But she wasn't the pushy kind, but right now she was the desperate kind.
But all she could think was he had to feel the same way. They had too many things in common to not! No they where deeply in love with one another. He had to believe her that was all there was to it and she was going to do anything it took to prove it.
"So Austin, has what I told you sunk into that think skull of yours or are you going to call me a lier?" Now she felt the need to gravel and it wasn't one of her best qualities. "Austin I didn't know that if we kept writing to one another it would end up with me falling in love. It's so bad that it makes my heart skip; my stomach has butterflies, I hear your voice over the phone, and if I missed more then two days without a letter I get nasty, I mean, really nasty. I'm in love with every inch of that bald head to the tips of your sexy boots. Why is what I'm saying angering you so much?"
"Brookann it isn't that's it's angering me" which Austin was really surprised with himself that he wasn't angry, he was one of those that blew then thought, but with her it was easier to laugh and hold her and try not to be an ass with what he really was thinking upon this entire subject? "To be honest it makes me very happy!"
"What? What did you say?" She spoke calmly.
"Huh?" Had he said that out loud to? Man he was really off his game. "Brookann I think you should leave I need time to think everything through and isn't it about time for your husband to come home?"
She came out the love seat so face Austin thought, "Oh man not my face again." But instead she just stood there with the deepest hurt in a woman's eyes he'd ever seen. Yet if you had a sarcastic son of a bitch talking to you and trying to give you missed feelings you'd just stand there to I guess, but what did I know I was making mistakes all around.
Austin not knowing how to act or what to do started talking fast "Sorry that was uncalled for, but for real baby I mean, Brookann, I think it would be best for you to go, think about what your saying and I will give my attention in the same. Please before I take you back to the bedroom and do something we know right now so only confuse us even more. Please, please, go...... It just all come as a surprise to me. Brookann don't look at me like that, you think by waltzing in her and saying all this when I just come back to the reality world and not in a cellblock with the count of bodies every four hours a day is going to just sound normal, you're the one who needs to realize that this may not be the smartest thing to do?" Her words were starting to scare the hell out of him and he couldn't help but to feel like a brick had just fallen over his head at this very moment.
As Brookann stood listening to him, fear was running through her as if she would never see him again and all he said was he needed time to think.
She started babbling, "You don't come to a woman's home with a ring on her finger knowing her husband is out of town for the next two weeks, make love to her like we had done it a thousand times over in my bed and tell me to back the hell up!"
"I didn't say that! Nor did I ever tell you I loved you I just said I need time to think." She knew this yet she had to come to realize it scared her more to walk out, then him needing thinking time. Because if she was to walk away and never see him again, his crazy was that. She began to pick up her purse and as she did she took a deep breath, in the softest voice said, "I understand I will leave you to your thoughts."
Austin was confused; his mind was reeling to catch her words but she had him as she always has. He knew she was right, his guy was telling him she was right, but he wanted to believe otherwise. He couldn't think quick enough to say anything back, but with her it never worked that way, she made her point even if it was wrong some how this woman could turn a whale into a dolphin and she would prove it.
As he watched her walk out the door he wondered how long she'd set in his driveway and cry because of their feelings and the wrong timing that seem to be always against them.