Jacob continued to stare at The Lighthouse. After what seemed like a full minute, he finally spoke. "The Lighthouse? Well you tall as hell so I guess that makes sense. But why are you here? Like, what's really going on here?" Jacob, still lying in bed wasn't sure why this was happening. The Lighthouse never moved or shifted, just stared back at Jacob. "Last night you lost yourself Jacob. And when a soul is lost it's my responsibility to guide it to where it should be." "The Lighthouse" Jacob said "ok I get it. Last night I wanted to kill myself, and now you're here to…." Jacob hoped The Lighthouse would finish his sentence, but he didn't. "Guide me back to where I need to be like spiritually or emotionally? What?" For the first time Jacob noticed tears in The Lighthouse's eyes. As he wiped his eyes The lighthouse responded "something like that." The Lighthouse lifted himself onto the dresser that he'd been leaning back on. Jacob noticed that even sitting on the dresser this guys feet never left the ground. Jacob chuckled. But The Lighthouse just stared at him with the same look his mom would give him, a mix between pain and confusion. "You felt like taking your own life would bring you peace?" Jacob thought about the question for a minute. Then he answered, "I'm not sure about killing myself for peace. I just didn't want to feel anything, no peace, no pain, no disappointment or depression. I just wanted to go to sleep, but stay sleep." The Lighthouse looked down to the floor for a second, then asked his next question. "And what about Marie? You know how much she loves you?" Jacob gave The Lighthouse a dismissive look before he said "My mom would be fine, she's got her own shit to deal with and.." The Lighthouse interrupted "that's not who I'm talking about Miles, and I think you know that." Again Jacob was surprised by how The Lighthouse knew so much about his personal life. Jacob's mother's name was Marie. He also gave that name to his daughter. It wasn't her first name, it was one of her middle names. But it's the only name he called her. Jacob didn't speak. So The Lighthouse did, "How do you think your daughter will feel when she finds out that she'll never see her father again?" Jacob couldn't hold back the tidal wave of sadness that rush through his eyes. He cried. The tears fell. After a minute Brandon gathered himself enough to speak. "Every time I think about my baby it makes me hate myself. How could I help create something so innocent and beautiful, so sweet and loving, and not be the best father? My sponsor told me that addiction is just a result of not being able to handle my emotions. I feel something then I act out the feeling. How can the feeling of wanting to get high be so powerful that I abandon all my responsibilities, but the love I feel for her is not enough to make me do right? She deserves so much better than me." The Lighthouse didn't make a sound, just listened to Jacob sob. "She would be so much better off without the weight of my inconsistency. All of them would be better off." The Lighthouse finally spoke "So you think that your death would forever prevent them from going through pain that life has already designated for them?" "Of course not" Jacob said "just the portion attached to me." Jacob reached for his pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out of the pack and lit it. "Look dog" Jacob said as he puffed the long Newport. " I don't really feel like doing the whole therapy session thing. I'm tired of crying and feeling like shit, I hate this pain." The Lighthouse spoke again "Miles, pain is unavoidable on this side of the veil. That's just how things were created to be. You were created to experience pain." Jacob couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I was created to experience pain?" He looked at The Lighthouse. "What type of bullshit is that?" The Lighthouse just smiled at Brandon. "Created to experience pain by who? God? Please don't tell me God created me and everybody else just to experience pain."
"Well, not just pain." The Lighthouse said.
"Pain, sorrow, joy, fear. All the emotion that you feel throughout your life is exactly what you were created to experience. "You dying won't subtract from the physical and emotional pain.
But it will add to it." Jacob thought about what he was hearing. He lit another cigarette. "My pain and depression is outweighing any other emotion by a ton. I did a lot of dirt, and I can't shake the feeling of not wanting to do this anymore." Jacob wasn't sure where all this was leading. "I hate that you can't see how much you mean to the ones you love the most." The lighthouse said as he stared at the ceiling.
"Me too." Jacob answered "maybe I'm just not there yet" The lighthouse continued to look at the ceiling. A lone tear fell from his eye. "Well," he said "I'm here now and there's no going back, and I have a job to do." He looked at Jacob "Do you want me to show you what your death is gonna mean to those you love?" Jacob returned the eye contact. "What? Like Ebenezer Scrooge? What are you gonna do, flash me into the future or something?" The Lighthouse smiled again at Jacob. "Not quite, but something like that. I can show you how your mom, your sister, and your daughter's life will be affected by you dying." Jacob thought about it for a minute "ok."