"My name is Jacob and I'm an alcoholic." Jacob sat on the office chair as he looked down to the floor. As he thought about his next words, he could feel the eyes of the other clients in the large intensive outpatient group room staring at him as they listened to him talk. He wasn't nervous or shy. He was annoyed. Annoyed with himself mostly for being right back in the same spot he'd worked so hard to get out of. He continued, "It's been thirty-two days since my last relapse. I have a sponsor and support group. I also have my mom, my sister, and a 11 year old daughter. I honestly don't know how I ended up here again. I did the steps, I go to meetings regularly, and I've been to build a relationship with God. I keep hearing that's the only way to tap into his power. That's the only way to have a defense against the first drink. I'm not even sure what that means anymore honestly. I had thirteen months of sobriety this time. I felt good. I didn't want to get high at all, not even a little bit. And then one day I get the thought. But it's different this time. Any other time I've thought about getting high the craving didn't last long. I'd thank God for his protection and mercy and I'd feel fine after. But this time, just like last time I got the thought to use again. But this time it was really powerful. My stomach starts to bubble, and no matter how much I pray and ask God to help me I can't shake it. I talked to my sponsor and support group, my family. And the result is always the same. I end up high. I spend all my money chasing something. Something that I'm told only God can give me." Jacob could feel his anger rising as he continued. "Then, I'm told that I don't work hard enough, I haven't surrendered enough, I'm not humble enough, I don't give enough. But nobody can tell me how much is enough. Just that my effort isn't enough." Jacob lifted his head and slowly scanned the room, looking at every face. Then he spoke "well sometimes I feel like God isn't trying as hard as I am."