To Daniel,
My colleagues have asked me about our encounter. Our first encounter wasn't romantic at all. It was during our third year of high school when I was caught in the karaoke room by my teacher. He seriously lectured me about how students should not go to such places. In the end, he sadly talked to the new Physics tutor, saying, "Daniel, you see how this generation behaves nowadays…" I remember you were wearing a dark green jacket and holding a book in your hand. When you looked at me, I saw your eyes smiling. My only impression of you was that you had such long legs. I had heard rumours about a very handsome Physics tutor coming to our school, and it seemed like they were true. I wished I had taken Physics class just to be near you. I spent three years chasing after you, even going as far as bribing a boy to leave my love letter in your office drawer. But I never received a response. Finally, I mustered up all my courage and confessed my feelings to you. I closed my eyes, feeling like it was doomsday. But when I opened them, I saw you grinning and saying, "Go home. Next time, don't make your teacher mad at you again."
Giving up was never an option for me, and I became your little shadow. I waited for you in front of school, stood in line for you in the canteen among other students, and even secretly fixed your broken bike. I was completely infatuated with you. One day, after my teacher talked to you, he called me to his office. I was so angry that I blocked your way and said, "Daniel, you're such an asshole." You seemed confused about why you were being scolded. A few days later, you waited for me in the hall. I didn't react and just walked past you. But you followed me and said, "Whether you believe it or not, Elina, I didn't say anything to your teacher about you." It wasn't until later that I found out it was the "letter-boy" who betrayed me and told the teacher. I regretted blaming you, so I asked you out for a treat. During the meal, I kept talking while you just listened. In the end, you told me, "Elina, what you need to do now is focusing on your studies." It was a standard rejection, but I was lying to myself.
When we graduated that year, I got a job offer from a joint company. I asked you out to celebrate, and you came and congratulated me. I tried to take you to a chair, but you refused and said, "Elina, don't waste your time on me." I started working and became a standard office staff. I called you regularly, but you never picked up the phone. During my second year at work, I was struggling. That night, I called you repeatedly until you finally answered. You patiently listened to me and then replied, "Only you can decide." I insisted, "I want to hear your opinion." After a moment of silence, you said, "I have a girlfriend." My world stopped moving when I heard that. I couldn't stand still. It took all my courage to resign from my job, and I hated you for it.
But when I heard something about you, I couldn't stay calm. They said your girlfriend broke up with you and moved to England to settle down, and you quit school as well. I went to the bar where you were sitting, and you almost fell out of your chair. I went to hold you, but you pushed me away and angrily said, "Fuck off." We ended up carrying each other in the dark until we were exhausted. You sat down on the ground, smoking with a wrinkled T-shirt and smelling of strong wine, with unkempt hair. My tears kept running down my face. You looked at me through the smoke and asked, "Why are you crying? It's not you who got dumped." I cried because someone abandoned the person I cherished. "Daniel, look at me!" I threw your cigarette away and said, "You have me, Daniel. You have me here!" I kneeled on the ground and slowly and carefully kissed you. You were stunned, but then quickly held my head and kissed me back. That kiss was very deep and had a hint of love. You leaned your forehead against mine and said in a low voice, "Can you come to my place?" That night, I was in your room, and we made love passionately. Your sweat was on my face, and I closed my eyes, calling out your name. I was like an unstable sail in a storm, and you were the deep ocean, tearing me into pieces with every move. But after that night, we didn't keep in contact.