A week after attending the crusade, I joined the United Church of Zambia (UCZ). The congregation welcomed me warmly, and for the first time, I felt that I truly belonged.
When I shared my conversion experience, the members rejoiced with me. A female reverend enrolled me in a baptism class, and for the next three months I attended faithfully. I listened carefully to every lesson because I wanted to learn everything I could about God. More than anything, I wanted to become the kind of Christian who pleased Him.
After completing the classes, I was baptized.
That baptism meant a great deal to me. It marked a new beginning in my life and strengthened my confidence. It increased my sense of assurance and gave me hope. For a time, I believed that my long search was finally over. I thought I had found the answer to the fears and uncertainties that had troubled me throughout my childhood.
But that peace did not last.
One Sunday morning, the reverend preached about God's law. She explained that God had given His commandments to mankind and that those who obeyed His law would inherit His Kingdom, while those who broke it would face judgment.
As I listened, I began to examine myself in the light of God's commandments. An uncomfortable realization slowly grew within me. I knew my own heart. I knew my thoughts, weaknesses, and failures. Despite all my efforts, I still sinned.
Then the reverend repeated words I had heard many times before:
"The wages of sin is death."
Those words struck me with tremendous force.
Suddenly, the fears I thought I had left behind came rushing back. I had joined a church. I had been baptized. I was trying to live as a Christian. Yet none of those things had changed one troubling reality—I still sinned.
Questions began flooding my mind.
What if I sinned again tomorrow?
What if I failed today?
Would God still accept me?
Would I still belong to Him?
Or would I once again stand condemned before Him?
As I walked home after the service, my heart was heavy. The joy I had felt after the crusade seemed to be slipping away, and the confidence I had gained through baptism was beginning to fade.
I knew that God's law was holy, good, and right. The problem was not with God's commandments.
The problem was with me.
Once again, I found myself facing the same question that had troubled me since childhood:
What can I do to stop sinning?