The question remained in my mind long after I left Pastor Lovedale that day.
"If I am a slave, who can set me free?"
For most of my life, my focus had been on changing my behavior. I believed that if I could somehow overcome sin, I would finally find peace with God. But now I was beginning to see that the problem ran much deeper than my actions.
A slave does not need better instructions.
A slave needs freedom.
When I met Pastor Lovedale again, he could tell that I was still wrestling with our previous conversation.
"Martin," he said, "suppose a man is born into slavery. He grows up in slavery and works in slavery. One day he decides that he no longer wants to be a slave. Does that decision make him free?"
"No," I replied.
"Why not?"
"Because he is still a slave."
"Exactly."
He smiled gently.
"A change of desire does not remove chains."
Those words struck me deeply. Throughout my life, I had sincerely desired to please God. I hated my failures and longed to live a righteous life. Yet desire alone had never given me victory.
The more I thought about it, the clearer it became.
My problem was not a lack of sincerity.
My problem was that I was trying to solve a problem I could not solve.
Pastor Lovedale continued.
"Have you ever heard of a slave purchasing his own freedom?"
"Sometimes," I replied.
"And where does the money come from?"
I thought for a moment.
"Usually from someone else."
He nodded.
"Exactly. A slave requires a deliverer."
The word deliverer lingered in my mind.
For years, I had assumed that I was responsible for delivering myself. God had shown me His standard, and I believed it was my duty to reach it. Every failure convinced me that I simply needed to try harder.
Now that belief was beginning to crumble.
Pastor Lovedale opened his Bible.
"Why do you think God sent Jesus into the world?"
"To save sinners," I answered.
"Yes," he replied. "And what does a savior do?"
The answer seemed obvious.
"A savior saves."
He smiled.
"Exactly."
For a moment, I sat quietly.
All my life, I had thought of Jesus as someone who helped me save myself. But Scripture presented a different picture. Jesus did not come merely to assist sinners. He came because sinners could not save themselves.
For the first time, I began to understand why I needed more than effort, religion, or good intentions.
I needed a Savior.
And a new question immediately arose in my mind:
"If Jesus came to save sinners, how could a sinless Savior die?"