My doubts led me to force myself about knowing what I was thinking was right or not . And during the course of it I even talked to him more and more and continuously asked him about the thing in many ways and tried my best to solve the mystery and know his confession...after tring many many days the day finally came when he told me who was the girl who cheated on him and that day I was feeling like "Daya" from CID, who kicked and broke the many folded invisible door of the "ex girlfriend mystery".Then I told him very confidently " Do you know that I knew this long back, it is just I wanted to confirm from you ....now tell me about how she broke up with you ." At first he wasn't ready to bad mouth about his ex and this proves his gentleness cause he didn't want to demean his ex in front of me. After I told him that he isn't sharing that to me cause he doesn't consider me as a friend. So some days later, he himself told me everything about his ex and how she just broke up without any reason. Knowing the story of how his ex deceived him ,I started leg pulling him saying he is "Devdas". Soon Devdas became his nickname to me and I often called him by this name . Our chatting went on this way and increased more and more day by day . At a point I realised that I have started to miss him whenever he stayed offline. And whenever I missed him then I reread our old conversations and smiled like a fool . He had awesome sense of humor and I did have a little too , so whatever we chatted ,it would become funny and anyone would laugh reading our chat. We used to talk in puns but that was simple, there wasn't any vulgarity. We shared our likes and dislikes with each other . When it was his class 12 test exam time, I seriously reminded him to study instead of being online in fb and I didn't realise back then but sometimes I got angry at him and scolded him too for staying online during the examination which wasn't finished yet. But he too didn't remind me my place in his life that I don't have the right to scold him and enforce my will on him. All of these I realised later that it was because I started to like him and I cared about him that's why I behaved that way. After his exams ended, regarding something I had a fight with him and didn't talk to him for a month but I remember, I checked his last seen everyday and expected that he will message me but he didn't (he was expecting the same as me which I came to know later) .I missed him very much during this time and nonetheless I send him messages because that fight wasn't too serious, it was because I asked him something which I shouldn't have asked maybe. After I messaged him, he replied me ," Atleast you remembered me after long days...huh?" and I replied "But you don't even remember me" and he said "yes yes....you know everything... don't you ?" And then we started chatting again and after I asked him why didn't he massaged me ,he said "weren't you angry? So I thought to stay silent and wait for you to message me when you get over that" That long gap of one month without talking to him made me realise a lot of things and didn't know surely about his feelings then but I was sure about mine that I have fallen in love with him and can't help myself from talking to him. We talked more and more and more and tried to sense a little about his feelings because there's a myth "Girls usually don't propose first" and above all I didn't have that courage to fell him about my feelings.... so what else can I do except waiting for him and trying to know about what he thinks about me . So slowly I was trying to know what he thinks of me and somehow I realised he likes me too but he had a bad experience as what his ex done to him wasn't fare and that he is serious about love (I understood it long back by talking to him) . So I realised that he is afraid to be in a relationship due to his past mistake, that's why he wasn't directly expressing his feelings to me. But he used to give hints often and in my test that I secretly did to see if I was important to him or not , I found out that he did like me too but he won't say anything directly. We were chatting on fb messenger only, we hadn't exchange our contact numbers or What's app number. While he stayed offline for more than one day I felt a part of my life isn't there with me and I worried about him that is he ok ? Is he well ? Why didn't he came online ? And after his absence when he is online, I felt like I could hold him forever tightly and say him "You know how much I missed you and I was worried about you". But I couldn't do that because at that time I still hadn't got that right on him . Day passes and my insecurities regarding him increases with it that I will lost him because in fb every friend is temporary, they come and go casually. But I never wanted to lose him . At a time my family decided to not recharge net pack in my number as I was in class 12 and needed to focus on my study seriously. This thing crossed the boundary of my insecurity about lossing him. I couldn't bear it anymore and finally decided to say him about the decision of my family and to see his reaction regarding the same.
To be continued....