By Touraj Mohebbi
Introduction
In the film Babygirl, we meet a woman who is not merely a character, but a psychological condition: Romy Mattis, a media executive navigating a world shaped by male desire, control, and silence.
She is not simply a victim, nor a heroine. She is a presence in flux - resisting, collapsing, and searching. The men around her - husband, colleagues, strangers - each project their own needs onto her. But their desire is rarely about love. It's about control, redemption, and meaning.
The film's quiet tension - long silences, lingering gazes, clipped dialogue - draws us into her inner world. A place where the fear of being seen collides with the longing to be seen. She wants to define herself, but doesn't yet know what "self" means. She wants to choose, but her choices are shaped by how others perceive her.
From a psychological lens, Babygirl echoes the theories of Freud, Lacan, and Winnicott:
Freud's notion of desire and repression
Lacan's mirror stage and the gaze of the Other
Winnicott's idea of the true self versus the false self
Romy is caught between these forces - between being and being watched, between autonomy and objectification.
But Babygirl is not just her story. It's ours. It asks: In a world that constantly defines us, can we ever truly define ourselves?
Chapter One: Silence at Home, Screams Within
Romy appears composed, successful, and in control. Her tailored suits and sharp decisions project authority. But behind closed doors, her marriage is a hollow shell - emotionally barren, devoid of intimacy. In schema therapy, this is known as chronic emotional deprivation: being in a relationship where one feels unseen, unheard, and emotionally starved.
Chapter Two: The Schemas That Haunt Her
Romy isn't just escaping a cold marriage - she's running from ghosts. Her behavior suggests deep-rooted psychological patterns formed in childhood. These are known as schemas: unconscious beliefs that shape how we see ourselves and others.
Abandonment Schema A constant fear that those she loves will leave her, even when things seem stable.
Emotional Deprivation Schema A belief that no one will ever truly meet her emotional needs.
Defectiveness/Shame Schema Despite her success, she feels inherently flawed - never good enough.
Unrelenting Standards Schema She must always be perfect, always in control - a pressure that exhausts her.
Chapter Three: Samuel - Mirror or Escape?
Samuel, the young intern, is more than a romantic interest. He's a mirror - reflecting Romy's unmet needs, her longing for validation, and her buried vulnerability. In psychotherapy, this dynamic is called transference: projecting unresolved emotions onto someone new. Romy isn't just drawn to Samuel - she's reliving a story she never got to finish.
Chapter Four: Liberation or Collapse?
To the outside world, Romy's affair is reckless. But to her, it's a rebellion - against emotional numbness, societal expectations, and her own internalized shame. Yet because the relationship is built on escape rather than healing, it begins to unravel. And in that unraveling, Romy finally confronts herself.
About the Director: Halina Reijn
Dutch filmmaker Halina Reijn, known for Bodies Bodies Bodies, crafts Babygirl with intimacy and tension. Her use of warm lighting, tight framing, and long silences draws us into Romy's psyche - where desire, shame, and identity collide.
Conclusion: Woman, Desire, and Judgment
Babygirl isn't just about a forbidden relationship. It's about a woman trying to feel alive. Romy is not a villain, nor a victim - she's a human being navigating the messy terrain of emotion, memory, and identity. In a world that still punishes women for wanting too much, Babygirl dares to ask: What if the real danger isn't desire, but silence?
Relationships
Psychology
Sexuality
Extramarital Affair
Babygirl